Jokes of the day for Monday, 03 May 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 03 May 2021
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Be rady for Thanksgiving, check out our latest Thanksgiving jokes of 2021 on: Thanksgiving jokes collection

Two boys were arguing when the

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a £10 note and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys looked at each other then gave the £10 note to the teacher.
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (14)

Change the Subject

My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

Barking Dog

Paddy and his missus are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog barking. It had been barking for hours and hours.
Suddenly, Paddy jumps out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this," and goes downstairs.
Paddy finally comes back up to bed and his wife says, "The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?"
Paddy says, "I've put their dog in our yard - now we'll see how they like it!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 October 2015
  • Currently 7.87/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (15)

Free meat

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?

Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

He had been counting the years off on his calender, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."

"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."

When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 May 2015
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY STATISTICS
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 May 2015
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

Too Many

So once there was an Chinese man, A mexican, and an american all in the same plane.

Now the chinese man Takes a pair of chopstickes and throws them out of the window.

Then he claims "We have too many of those in my country!".

Then the mexican grabs his salsa, throws it out the window and says "We have to many of these in my country!".

Then the american picks up the mexican and throws him out of the window and claims "We have to many of these in my country!".

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 03 May 2012
  • Currently 4.05/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (59)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A*B-C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (4, 5, 12, 13, 14, 17, 21, 31, 32, 39) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A*B-C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Two Kinds of People

There are two kinds of people. Those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 May 2009
  • Currently 5.94/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (53)

Contrary to popular belief, Am...

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 May 2011
  • Currently 2.25/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (44)

Lesbian Diet

Q: Why cant a lesbian go on a diet and wear makeup at the same time?

A: Because they cant eat Jenny Craig and have Mary Kay on their face at the same time.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 03 May 2013
  • Currently 5.57/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (42)

Pig In A Bar

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, ''Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?''

Then the lady answered, ''Excuse me, I think this is a goose.''

And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.''

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 May 2011
  • Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (37)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.