Jokes of the day for Monday, 24 May 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 24 May 2021
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

The situation in Egypt is tota

The situation in Egypt is totally MUBAR.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

No mice at hotel

Waiter: You know there are no mice at our hotel.
Customer: Why, is your hotel so clean and well maintained?
Waiter: No sir, the food is so bad.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Working At the Office

"How long have you been working at that office?"
"Ever since they threatened to fire me."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

Speeding Ticket

Cop pulls over a car with a couple in it.

"What's the problem officer?"

"Sir, you were going 68 in a 50-zone."

"What, that's ridiculous! I did no such thing!"

"Sir, I caught you with my radar gun, and it's always accurate, but I’ll give you some leeway and reduce it to 62.

"Well, not this time, asshole. I know I was doing 54! I'll take it to court, you son of a bitch!" The cop hands the man the ticket, and he rips it up.

"Sir, I'm going to have to insist you calm down, or I'll put you under arrest."

Suddenly, the wife interjects, "Mister, I wouldn't push it. There's no use arguing with him when he's drunk."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 October 2015
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Skydiving for the first time

A man is going skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go.

The man goes up in the airplane and waits to get to the proper altitude. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.

Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going up! Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver, by this time scared out of his wits, yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 12 June 2015
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

Grandpa and grandma were watch

Grandpa and grandma were watching the televisionevangelical show and the preacher said, if theviewers at home wanted to be healed, place onehand on the television set and the other handon the body part where they wanted to be healed.
Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the televisionset, placed her right hand on the set and herleft hand on her arthritic shoulder that wascausing her to have great pain.
Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placedhis right hand on the set and his left hand onhis crotch.
Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess youjust don't get it. The purpose of doing thisis to heal the sick, not to raise the dead."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 May 2015
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

I eat animals but I don't hu...

I eat animals but I don't hunt or kill. What am I?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Ronald McDonald in a N*dist Colony

Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a n*dist colony?
A: Look for sesame seed buns.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 May 2013
  • Currently 4.92/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (50)

A man and his wife were sittin...

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a “Living Will”
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.
#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 May 2011
  • Currently 8.85/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (40)

The Yiddish Parrot

Meyer, a lonely widower, was walking home one day. He was wishing something wonderful would happen to his life when he passed a pet store and heard a squawking voice shouting out in Yiddish: "Quawwwwk...vus macht du...!"
Meyer rubbed his eyes and ears. He couldn't believe it! Meyer stood in front of an African Grey that cocked his little head and said: "Vus? Kenst reddin Yiddish?"
In a matter of moments, Meyer purchased the bird and carried the parrot home. All night long he talked with the parrot...in Yiddish. The parrot listened while sharing some walnuts.
The next morning, Meyer began saying his prayers. The parrot wanted to pray, too. Meyer hand made a miniature yamulke for the parrot. The parrot also wanted to read Hebrew, so Meyer spent months teaching him the Torah.

On Rosh Hashanah, Meyer rose, got dressed, and was about to leave when the parrot demanded to go with him. Meyer explained that a synagogue was not a place for a bird, but the parrot pleaded and was carried to the synagogue on Meyer's shoulder.
Meyer was questioned by everyone, including the rabbi. At first, the rabbi refused to allow a bird into the building on the High Holy Days, but Meyer convinced him that the parrot could pray. Wagers were made on whether the parrot could speak Yiddish or not.
All eyes were on the two of them during services. The parrot was still perched on Meyer's shoulder as one prayer and song passed...but the parrot didn’t say a word. Annoyed, Meyer said "Pray, parrot! You can pray...do it now while everybody's looking at you!" The parrot said nothing.
After services were over, Meyer realized he owed the synagogue over four thousand dollars. He marched home, saying nothing. Finally, several blocks from the temple, the bird began to sing an old Yiddish song.
Meyer stopped and looked at him. "You miserable bird...you cost me over four thousand dollars today. Why? After I taught you the morning prayers, taught you to read Hebrew and the Torah. And, after you begged me to bring you to a synagogue on Rosh Hashanah...Why did you do this to me?"
"Don't be an idiot," the parrot replied. "Think of the odds we'll get on Yom Kippur!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 24 May 2010
  • Currently 7.36/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (39)

Chuck Norris can cook minute r...

Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 May 2011
  • Currently 3.47/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (34)

A Texan farmer goes to Austral...

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?"
The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 24 May 2009
  • Currently 7.23/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (31)

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