Jokes of the day for Sunday, 30 May 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 30 May 2021
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

When you join the military, th

When you join the military, they light your bum on fire as part of the ass-immolation process.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Flea Jumper

A flea jumped into a restaurant, nibbled on a pizza and jumped out again.
He picked himself up from the dirt, dusted himself down and said, "OK, who moved my dog?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Angelic Assistance?

An old-time pastor was riding furiously down the road, hurrying to get to church on time. Suddenly, his horse stumbled and threw him to the ground.Lying in the dirt, his body wracked with pain, the pastor called out, “All you angels in heaven, help me get up on my horse!”With extraordinary strength, he leaped onto the horse’s back—and fell off the other side.From the ground again, he called out, “All right, just half of you angels this time!”
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

A guy fell asleep on the beach...

A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns. With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, "What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?"
The doctor replied, "It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 July 2017
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (23)

State workers...

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola, and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the old.

The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road.

"I can't stand this," said the man, tossing the can into a trash container and headed down the road toward the men.

"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the government," one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us: me, Rodney, and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree, and Mike here puts the dirt back.

Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean that Mike and me can't work."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 June 2015
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

Last year I replaced several w...

Last year I replaced several windows in my house and they were the expensive double-pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work has been completed for a whole year and I had yet to pay for them.
Boy oh boy did we go 'round. Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year. . that in one year the windows would pay for themselves. There was silence on the other end of the line so I just hung up and I haven't heard back. Guess I must have won that silly argument.
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 May 2015
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

Which is a winning combination of digits?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Chuck Norris feels that brass ...

Chuck Norris feels that brass knuckles should be allowed in the fight to cure diabetes.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 May 2011
  • Currently 3.07/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (43)

Oh to be in the 5th grade again

A teacher asks the kids in her 5th grade class: 'What do you want to be when you grow up?'
Little Larry says: 'I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.'
The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson 'And how about you, Sarah?'
'I wanna be Larry's whore.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 30 May 2017
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (42)

I Am Napoleon

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another patient asked, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 May 2009
  • Currently 5.64/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (39)

my dad

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.

"My name is Billy. What's yours?"

asked the first boy.

"Tommy," replied the second.

"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?"

asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

"Honest?"

asked Billy.

"No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 May 2012
  • Currently 6.76/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (34)

Church Every Sunday?

Son: "Dad, did you go to Church when you were little?"

Dad: "Yes son, every single Sunday."

Son: "I thought so. Bet it won't do me any good either."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 May 2011
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (30)

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