Jokes of the day for Friday, 02 July 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 02 July 2021
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

If I follow a Mediterranean di

If I follow a Mediterranean diet, olive oil long time.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Jesus Visits After the Resurrection

This story cannot be found in the scriptures, but it is told that after his resurrection, Jesus appeared to an old fisherman. "I am Jesus and I have returned to show God's love and power.""No, you're not Jesus. Go away! You're scaring all the fish," answered the old fisherman. "I see you are full of doubt. What would you have me do to show who I am?" "Walk across the river," the old fisherman tells Jesus. Jesus starts walking across the river, but he sinks and disappears under the water. After he swims back to shore, the old fisherman says to him, "See, you're not Jesus. You can't walk on water!" Jesus responds, "Well, I used to be able to do it, but then I got these holes in my feet!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.23/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (22)

Have It Made

People say that money is not the key to happiness...
But I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (11)

Words to live by

Notice! Take lettuce from the top of the stack,or heads will roll!

Well, if Jerry Springer isn't educational TV,why does it make me feel so much smarter?

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothingrubs it in like a computer.

I tried to get in touch with my inner child,but he isn't allowed to talk to strangers.

I have to take my paycheck to the bank.It's too little to go by itself.

I must be following my diet too closely.I keep gaining on it.

Welcome to Megacomputer's 24-hour helpline.If you have been waiting LESS than 24 hours,please remain on the line.

Whenever I'm in a mood to watch the world go by,I just keep to the posted speed limit.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes,why do we still have monkeys and apes?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 21 July 2015
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Three Pastors were having lunc

Three Pastors were having lunch together ata diner. The first Pastor said, "Ya know,since summer started I've been havingtrouble with mice in my church. I've triedeverything--noise, spray, cats--nothingseems to scare them away.
The second Pastor then said "Yea, me too.I've got hundreds living in the basementof the church. I've set traps and even called an expert to get rid of them, yetthey still won't go away."
With a grin on his face, the third Pastorsaid, "I had the same problem so I baptizedall mine and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!!!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 02 July 2015
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

The composition teacher asked

The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay. It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 03 April 2015
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

Find a famous person

Find the first and the last name of a famous person. Text may go in all 8 directions. Length of words in solution: 5,6.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Weekend at Daves..

Starting the car for the long trip back into the city, Thorn and Bill said their final good-byes to their good friend, Curly David.

"Thanks for puttin' us up for the weekend, pal," said Thorn.

"The food was great, the booze and dope were superb, and I really enjoyed fucking your wife."

Shortly after hitting the road, Bill turned to Thorn and said, "I hope you weren't serious about enjoying fucking his wife!"

"No, I wasn't serious. She was lousy."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 July 2011
  • Currently 3.77/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (43)

Jay Mohr: Why the English Hate Americans

I dont know if youve ever been to England, but as soon as they find out youre from America, they hate you. They just think theyre more sophisticated than we are. Theyre so pissed at us. You know what it is? Theyre mad because they lost the Revolutionary War, and they should be because there was only like nine of us.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 02 July 2010
  • Currently 3.77/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (39)

Cheapest Meat

Q. What is the cheapest meat?

A. Deer balls, there under a buck.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 July 2012
  • Currently 4.68/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (37)

Blondes Never Have Ice

Q: Why are blondes constantly running out of ice?

A: They forgot the recipe.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 02 July 2008
  • Currently 5.48/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (33)

Lightbulb Joke Collection 94


Q: How many archaeologists does does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to argue about how old the old one is.
Q: How many preservation society members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but it takes a year to find an antique Edison light bulb so it'll be architecturally accurate.
Q: How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. Four to do it in perfect synchrony and one to stand there going "To the left, and to the left, and to the left, and to the left, and take it out, and put it down, and pick it up, and put it in, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right..."
Q: How many science fiction writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and one to say, "In 1876, Jules Verne had the first intimations that electrostatic power was a viable energy alternative. Hitherto, the only sources ..."
Q: How many science fiction writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one's shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, lightbulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.
Q: How many signal processing engineers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to Fouriev transform the lightbulb, one to apply a complex exponential rotational shifting operator, and one to inverse transform the removed lightbulb.
Q: How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, you know.
Q: How many Einsteins does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: That depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. Then it just might be easier to leave the bulb alone and change the room. It's all relative.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 July 2011
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (30)

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