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Jokes of the day for Friday, 30 July 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 30 July 2021

There are a lot of bel

There are a lot of belles at the pealer bar. You'll always have a good chime.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Too Tight and Revealing

“Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing,” I said to my wife.
She said, “Wear your own then.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.44/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (9)

SLIDESHOW #63 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Sticky Hair?

Rabbit is hopping along the forest one day, when he comes upon Bear taking a dump.

Bear says, "Rabbit, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

Rabbit replies, "No Bear, I don't. Why do you ask?"

rabbit

So Bear grabs Rabbit and wipes his ass with him.

#joke
  • Currently 3.04/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (24)

During a funeral, the organist

During a funeral, the organist played a beautiful rendition of Bach's "Sheep May Safely Graze" as the casket was carried out of the church. After the service, the minister complimented him on his performance.
"Oh, by the way," the minister asked, "Do you know what the deceased did for a living?"
"No idea," said the organist as he began packing up.
The minister smiled, "He was a butcher."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 28 May 2021
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Pay you to be good...

As a mother was bribing her little boy with a quarter so he would behave, she said, "Why do I always have to pay you to be good?

Why can't you be good for nothing like your dad?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 August 2015
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

Banging pussy

There were two prostitutes , one was very beautiful and the other was ugly. The beautiful prostitute used to make around $1,000-$3,000 a month but the ugly one made around $10,000-$13,000.

Confused to why the fuck the ugly one made more money than her, the beautiful prostitute went to the ugly one and asked her.

" Hey girl ! How are you? Looks like you're doing great ,you bought a new car and an apartment, where did you get the money ?".

On this the ugly bitch replied. " Actually I play games with my customer and so I earn a lot, maybe more than you . What I do with my customer is that when we have intercourse I put a small firecracker in my pussy and when it blows up , I start shouting oh you blew up my pussy you bastard, scared that this may put them in trouble my customers end up paying me $500-$800 to get away".

Hearing this, the beautiful blonde prostitute went to the shop

to buy some firecrackers, but as the less power crackers were not available that day she bought a huge powerful firecracker and went to work.

While having intercourse she put the big bomb in her pussy and it went off with a huge bang. Then the prostitute started shouting as planned " You blew up my pussy ...You blew up my pussy".

On this the customer replied ," You bitch, the hell with your pussy, where the fuck is my DICK ".

Submitted by Admin

Edited by Curtis

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 July 2011
  • Currently 2.85/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (86)

Send the Wine Back

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his

regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone.

He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of

Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying

it is from the gentleman at a nearby table. She looks at the the man,

then at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

The man, after reading this note, sends another note to her. It read:

"Just so you will know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage, plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my dick. Just send the wine back."

Submitted by Verlaine

Editted by Curtis

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 July 2010
  • Currently 6.02/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (51)

The doct...

The doctor entered the room and advised his patient that a brain transplant was the only remedy.

"Fortunately" he continued, "this hospital has perfected the procedure,
however, it is not yet available on the National Health and you will
therefore have to pay.

We have two brains in stock at the moment, a female brain costing £30,000 and a male brain at £100,000"

"Why is the male brain so expensive?" asked the patient.

"Oh, that's easy, male brains are hardly used."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 July 2008
  • Currently 5.49/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (45)

Boss told me to have a good day

My boss told me to have a good day, so i went home.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 July 2015
  • Currently 8.45/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (44)

Robert Schmidt 05


Droughts are because God didn't pay his water bill.
Is "tired old cliche" one?
if you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.
Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?"
Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.
In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.
I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.
I Xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 July 2011
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (35)

EVER WONDER

- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
-
- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
-
- Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
-
- Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
-
- Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
-
- Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
-
- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
- made with real lemons?
-
- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
-
- Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
-
- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
-
- When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
-
- Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
-
- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
-
- You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
- don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
-
- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
-
- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
-
- If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
-
- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 December 2014
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

First hand job

A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him.

He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine.

On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot.

They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way.

"Well, okay," he says, "how about a blow job?"

"Yuck!" she screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my mouth!"

He says, "Well, then, how about a hand job?"

"I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?"

"Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?"

She nods.

"Well, it's just like that."

So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it.

A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.

"What's wrong?!" she cries out.

"Take your thumb off the end!!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 July 2012
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (60)

Jeff Dunham: Sissy-ness of the Law

Walter: I aint afraid of the cops around Santa Ana. You seen some of these guys? What, cops on bicycles? How intimidating is this: Alright buddy, pull it over. Ching-ching-ching? What do they do when they arrest somebody? Alright, get in the basket.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 September 2011
  • Currently 6.49/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (45)

The Squirrel

A squirrel is living in a pine tree, when one day it starts to shake and rock.

So he looks outside and he sees a large elephant trying to climb up the tree.

"What the hell!" the squirrel exclaims. "What the hell do you think you're doing climbing up this tree?!"

The elephant responds. "I'm climbing up here to eat pears."

The squirrel is befuddled. "You moron! This is a pine tree! There are no pears!"

The elephants stares at him for a moment before replying, "I know. I brought my own."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 February 2015
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

A guy sees an advertisement in...

A guy sees an advertisement in a pet-shop window: "Talking Centipede $100."
The guy goes in and buys it. He gets home, opens the box and asks the centipede if he wants to go for a beer.
The centipede doesn't answer, so the guy closes the lid, convinced he's been swindled. Thirty minutes later he decides to try again.
He raises his voice and shouts, "Do you want to go for a beer?"
The centipede pokes his head out of the box and says, "Pipe down! I heard you the first time. I'm putting on my shoes!"
#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 17 February 2020
  • Currently 8.79/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (34)

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