Jokes of the day for Saturday, 07 August 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 07 August 2021
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

This Valentine's Day I&#

This Valentine's Day I'm going to swipe right on my Friendster profile. Oops, did I just date myself?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Grasshopper

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender laughs and says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper looks at the bartender, with a look of extreme confusion on his face, and says, "You have a drink called Steve?"

#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

The Groom's Many Brides

A young girl was attending her first wedding, watching the proceedings with interest for a while before growing restless. The groom stood at the altar as six bridesmaids walked slowly up the aisle, one by one.Soon, the girl leaned over to her mom and whispered, “Why doesn’t he just hurry up and pick one?”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 17 June 2021
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

One day Bill complained to his

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
"Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
#joke #doctor #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 May 2021
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (25)

I need water....

A traveler was stumbling through the desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out.

The parched wanderer asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"

The man replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes."

The desperate man shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"

"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, and they'll give you all the water you want."

The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared out of sight. Three hours later he returned.

The man at the card table said, "I told you, about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"

"I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 August 2015
  • Currently 7.87/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (15)

The Japanese eat very little f

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than theBritish or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than theBritish or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 August 2015
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (14)

Find number abc

If ba35c - 61b1b = ac53a find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

A Ventriloquist Apologizes

A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, 'I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!'

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling, 'You stay out of this..I'm talking to that little shit on your lap.'

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 August 2018
  • Currently 8.97/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (66)

A Chuck Norris edition of Clue...

A Chuck Norris edition of Clue was to be released, but the answer was always: "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 August 2013
  • Currently 5.04/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (50)

Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of...

Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two."
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 07 August 2011
  • Currently 3.29/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (41)

Pete Lee: Making Love in a Car Wash

I was reading this article the other day, and it said, The perfect way to spice up your love life is to make love in a car wash. Let me tell you guys from experience -- no, it is not. Its also the perfect way to ruin a church fundraiser.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 07 August 2011
  • Currently 5.69/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (39)

Outdoorsy Man

During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level

He described a typical day this way: 'Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.' Inspired by the story, the doctor said, 'You must be one hell of an outdoors man!' 'NAH,' he replied, 'I'm just a shitty golfer.'

#joke #doctor #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 August 2017
  • Currently 8.11/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (36)

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