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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 26 August 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 26 August 2021

What vegetable makes birds far

What vegetable makes birds fart?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.83/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (12)

Fish trap

This fisherman goes to the river to check an illegal fish trap that he owns. He looks around to make sure there are no Fishing Inspectors about and proceeds to pull the fish trap out to check it.

An Inspector steps out of the bushes, “Ahha!” he said and the fisherman spun around and yelled “Shiiiit!”. The Inspector, who wasn’t expecting such a response said “Settle down, I’m the Fishing Inspector”.

“Thank God for that” said the fisherman, “I thought you were the bugger who owned this fish trap”.

#joke
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

SLIDESHOW #105 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Whiskey Diet

I’m on a whiskey diet...
I’ve lost three days already.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Getting to Heaven from the Post Office

A preacher, newly called to a small country town, needed to mail a letter. Passing a young boy on the street, the pastor asked where he could find the post office.After getting his answer, the minister thanked the boy and said, “If you’ll come to the community church this evening, you can hear me tell everyone how to get to heaven.”“I don’t know, sir,” the boy replied. “You don’t even know how to get to the post office!”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 June 2021
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

Several days before Halloween,

Several days before Halloween, Tom, Dick and Harry were sitting in a bar enjoying a few quiet drinks, when they decided to get in on the Christmas raffle.
Since the raffle was for charity, they bought five tickets each. When the raffle was drawn a few days later, they each won a prize.
Tom won the first prize - a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce.
Dick was the winner of the second prize - a six month supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti.
And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush.
The next time they met at the bar, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes. "Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."
"Me too," replied Dick.
"And how's the toilet brush, Harry?"
"Not so good," Harry groaned, "I reckon I'll go back to toilet paper."
#joke #halloween #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 30 October 2018
  • Currently 5.79/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (14)

New drugs for men...

With Viagra being such a great medical success for increasing men's sexual prowess, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.

Here are a few of the new ones:

DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving oncar trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directionswhen they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were farmore likely to actually finish a household repair project beforestarting a new one.

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent ofmiddle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported asudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewellery and giftsafter taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whetherthe drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect ofmaking men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxiousintestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.

FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise intreating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 September 2015
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

Tig: Where Would You Go?

I was at a party, and this guy was hitting on me, and hes hitting on me with the most boring questions. One of them was, If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? And I was like, Anywhere? He was like, Anywhere. I was like, Uh -- to the other side of the room. Now, please, get out of the way of a woman and her dream.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 August 2010
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (50)

Barbie and Paris

Q: What do Barbie and Paris Hilton have in common?

A: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 26 August 2013
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (44)

Blonde Light

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

A: Put a flashlight in her ear.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 26 August 2011
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (35)

A boy was having a lot of diff...

A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French."
The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!" "Great!" said the teacher; "what were they saying?" "I don't know," the boy replied; "I couldn't understand them."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 May 2015
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

People were dying to...

“People were dying to meet the new mortician.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 23 January 2018
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Home in no time

A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were heavily laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in a hurry and not happy about the slowness of the line.

When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"

"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom you have here, you'll be home in no time."

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 31 July 2016
  • Currently 7.37/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (19)

Married 25 years, I took a loo...

Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 28 October 2017
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

23 'What do you call' Jokes to start week with some laugh

1. What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
Bugs Bunny

2. What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin’ Catholic

3. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff

4. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!

5. What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
A depresso!

6. What do you call a dinosaur with a bandage on?
Dino-sore.

7. What do you call an old snowman?
Water

8. What do you call something that’s easy to get into, but hard to get out of?
Trouble

9. What do you call a woman with a screwdriver in one hand, a knife in the other, a pair of scissors between the toes on her left foot, and a corkscrew between the toes on her right foot?
A Swiss Army wife

10. What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
A seasoned veteran

11. What do you call the wife of a hippie?
A Mississippi!

12. What do you call a meditating wolf?
Aware wolf!

13. What do you call an American bee?
A USB!

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh!

15. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?
A URL-ologist

16. What do you call a destroyed angle?
A rect-angle!

17. What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
Roberto!

18. What do you call the security guards who work for Samsung?
The Guardians of the Galaxy

19. What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer?
A father-in-law!

20. What do you call a woman with her briefcase stuck in a tree?
A branch manager!

21. What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud!

22. What do you call a man wearing a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time!

23. What do you call your daughter’s boyfriend when he brings her home late?
An ambulance

#joke #doctor #lawyer #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

The Baseball Playoffs are On!

Sidney telephones Rabbi Levy. He says, "Rabbi, I know tonight is Yom Kippur, but tonight the Yankees are in the playoffs. Rabbi, I'm a life-long Yankees fan. I've got to watch the Yankees game on TV."Rabbi Levy replies, "Sidney, that's what video recorders are for." Sidney is surprised. "You mean I can tape Yom Kippur?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

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