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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 12 October 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 12 October 2021

Reading the Dictionary

I was so bored the other day that I just started memorizing pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

A blonde woman in Georgia boug

A blonde woman in Georgia bought a magnolia tree from a local nursery but, after only a few months, its leaves shrivelled and it appeared to be on its last legs. She took some leaf samples back to the nursery and demanded an explanation.
"Oh, I know exactly what's wrong with your magnolia tree, ma'am," said the manager.
"Good," she replied. "What is it?"
"Autumn!" he said.
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (20)

SLIDESHOW #110 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Play Your Age

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in ‘Vegas. She’s down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims,
“What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?”
A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests,
“I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?”
He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Thinking Maybe she’d won, he rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd.
The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned. He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?”

Roulette wheel

The operator replies, “I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!”

#joke
  • Currently 7.87/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (15)

It's In The Bible

There was this Christian lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business so she did a lot of flying. But flying made her nervous so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her. One time she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was doing.

After awhile he turned to her and asked "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"

The lady replied "Of course I do. It is the Bible."

He said "Well what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?

She replied "Oh, Jonah. Yes I believe that, it is in the Bible.

He asked "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?"

The lady said "Well I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven I will ask him."

"What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically.

"Then you can ask him." replied the lady

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 31 October 2015
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (12)

I foolishly mixed two food gro...

I foolishly mixed two food groups. The results were, at best, meaty yogurt.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 April 2011
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

A young couple, just married...

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband -- who was a big burly man -- tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I cant wear your trousers," she said.
"That's right, said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. I cant get into your panties!"
She replied, "That's right, and that's the way its going to stay until your attitude changes."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 October 2015
  • Currently 8.14/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (51)

Smart kid

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike, and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 October 2015
  • Currently 8.66/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (44)

Nick Swardson: Vanna White

I think that Vanna White got the best job ever. Is that not the best job? If I were a woman, I would want that job so bad. Like, thats her job! What a country -- she just turns letters. I turn letters, but only when they glow. Im not stupid.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 October 2010
  • Currently 3.51/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (43)

Football Tryout

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line.

When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, 'You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus.' 'Forget the bonus,' the turkey said, 'All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?'

#joke #thanksgiving
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 12 October 2016
  • Currently 7.36/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (36)

The Preacher and the Microphone

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as

he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the

mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting

wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it

again.

After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third

pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets

loose, will he hurt us?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 October 2010
  • Currently 6.78/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (27)

Cal was out driving in the cou...

Cal was out driving in the country, seeing how his new car handled the curvy roads at high speeds. As he rounded a corner, one of his tires blew.
When he got out of the car to change the tire, he noticed that he had stopped in front of the state mental asylum. There was also a man sitting on the brick wall in front of the facility.
The driver went about his business, not paying any attention to the guy on the fence. He first took his tire iron and jack out of the car, and got the car jacked up. Then, he removed the hubcap. Next, he removed the six lug nuts, and placed them in the hubcap for safekeeping.
About this time, the guy on the fence decided to start a conversation. This startled the driver, and he reeled around quickly, knocking over the hubcap, and the lug nuts fell into the sewer drain.
The driver gets angry with the guy on the fence, shouting, "Now look what you made me do. Now I'm going to have to walk to town to buy some new lug nuts. Just go back inside and leave me be."
The guy on the fence says, "Why don't you just take one lug nut from each of your other three wheels, and use them on this one. That should hold it steady enough for you to drive the car to the auto parts store."
The driver asks, "That's a brilliant idea...then why are you here?"
The guy on the fence replies, "I'm just crazy, not stupid."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 28 November 2014
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Cutting Class

"Jill," a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, "do you mind telling me whose class you're cutting this time?"
"Like," the young teen replied, "uh, see, okay, like it's like, I really don't like, think like, that's really important, y'know, like because I'm, y'know, like I don't get anything out of it."
"It's Mrs. Dull's English class, isn't it?" replied the smiling teacher.

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (10)

Greeting Card Quest

A little boy had been pawing over the stock of greeting cards at a stationery store.
After a few minutes the clerk became curious and asked, "Just what is it you're looking for, sonny? Birthday greeting? Message to a sick friend? Anniversary congratulations to your mom and dad?"
The boy shook his head, "No."
"Then what kind of card is it that you want?" asked the clerk.
The boy answered wistfully, "Got anything in the line of blank report cards?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 November 2015
  • Currently 9.29/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (7)

I eat cake

I because it's somebody's somewhere.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 March 2016
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Vertical living

“Vertical living is flat dwelling.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 September 2013
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (21)

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