Jokes of the day for Sunday, 17 October 2021
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 17 October 2021 |
Buy a winnebagelro
Buy a winnebagel. You have muffin to lose. People might think you're cookie, but donut listen.Low Bridge
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. He passed a sign that said “low bridge ahead.”
Before he knew it, the bridge was right ahead of him and he got stuck under the bridge. You could say that he got a rock solid “Trucker’s Wedgie.”
Cars were backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car pulled up. The cop got out of his car and walked around to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, “Got stuck, huh?”
The truck driver said, “No officer,… I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas!”
A beautiful, sexy, good-lookin
A beautiful, sexy, good-looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane.The lady said to him, "Can you help me remove something from my breast please?"
The exciting young man replied, "Wow! It will be my pleasure. So what is it?"
"Your Eyes, idiot!"
Too Much Time Online
My wife says that I spend too much time talking to random people online.
What do you guys think?
Getting to Heaven from the Post Office
A preacher, newly called to a small country town, needed to mail a letter. Passing a young boy on the street, the pastor asked where he could find the post office.After getting his answer, the minister thanked the boy and said, “If you’ll come to the community church this evening, you can hear me tell everyone how to get to heaven.”“I don’t know, sir,” the boy replied. “You don’t even know how to get to the post office!”Old friends
Mary and Jane are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time; Mary is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.
"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Mary cries.
"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jane.
"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
Chuck Norris threw a grenade a...
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. Then it blew up.The Butt Biter
A few years ago when my girlfriend still lived with her parents, I managed to pull a real lu-lu. I came out of the bathroom at the end of the hall in her parents' home and as I walked past my girlfriend's bedroom I saw her making the bed.She was kneeling on the bed facing away from me, trying to tuck the sheets under the far side of the mattress. Of course this meant her luscious behind was sticking up and waving invitingly in the air. Well, there's few things I like more than gently sinking my teeth into a girl's nice behind, a habit which my girlfriend had already become familiar with.
So naturally I snuk up behind her behind and bit her butt. Imagine my horror when her mother's incredulous face turns around and looks back at me! She didn't know what the hell I was up to!
Of course I could've died of embarrassment at that moment. I stuttered a few words saying how I thought it was her daughter's butt (I don't think that would necessarily go over too well either!), apologized and got out of there.
The next thing I did was march downstairs and immediately tell her husband what had just happened – I'd much rather he heard it from me than her! Of course he laughed his head off and they all still tease me about it to this day.
And I later found out that my middle-aged mother-in-law was actually kind of thrilled to have someone mistake her butt for that of a 25-year-old.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie ...
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.Three old men
Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunctions.
One 75-year-old man says: "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at 7 a.m. and it takes me 20 minutes to pee."
An 80-year-old man says: "My case is worse. I get up at 8 a.m. and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."
The 90-year-old man says: "Not me. At 7 a.m. I pee like a horse and at 8 a.m. I crap like a cow."
"So what's your problem?" asked the others.
"I don't wake up until 9:00."
Brother -in-law
A man suffered a heart attack and had by-pass surgery. He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.As he was recovering, a nun asked him how he was going to pay the bill.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he has money in the bank.
He replied "No money in the bank."
The nun asked " Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said "Just a spinster sister who is a nun."
The nun, slightly preturbed, said "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Dropping me down to a B
I was furious at my English teacher for dropping me down to a B for missing just a single period.
However, I'm sure he'll be worried enough to increase it to an A after I inform him that I've actually missed three periods.
A Problem Shared
They say that "a problem shared is a problem halved..."
I'm not too sure about that as last night I told my wife that my girlfriend was pregnant.
22 Fresh Halloween jokes for 2020
Q: Why do ghosts go on diets?
A: So they can keep their ghoulish figures
Q: What does a panda ghost eat?
A: Bam-BOO!
Q: Why don’t mummies take time off?
A: They’re afraid to unwind.
Q: Why did the zombie skip school?
A: He felt rotten.
Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A blood orange.
Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: Dayscare centers!
Q: Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A: He wanted to get ahead in life.
Q: What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
A: Wrap music.
Q: Why don’t mummies have friends?
A: Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
Q: Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
A: He heard it had great circulation.
Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck.
Q: What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A: A grave problem.
Q: What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
A: The grim sweeper. Q:
Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: Because he had bat breath.
Q: What do you call a witch’s garage?
A: A broom closet.
Q: What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach?
A: A sand-witch!
Q: What's a witch's favorite makeup?
A: Ma-scare-a.
Q: Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely?
A: The crossing gourd.
Q: What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
A: Candy corneas.
Q: What type of plants do well on all Hallow’s Eve?
A: Bam-BOO!
Q: Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
A: Because they have no-body to go with.
Donald Glover: Crazy Men Stories
Why dont women have crazy men stories? I dont really hear them. And then I realized, its because if you got a crazy boyfriend, youre going to die. Just something about men, the second they realize theyre crazy, its like, Time to kill everything I love.