Join us on WhatsApp
Join us on Viber

Jokes of the day for Sunday, 22 May 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 22 May 2022

I refuse to add yeast to my br

I refuse to add yeast to my bread, after nein-a-leaven.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

The woman had been away for tw

The woman had been away for two days visiting a sick friend in another city. When she returned, her little boy greeted her by saying, "Mommy, guess what! Yesterday I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and daddy came into the room with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into your bed and then daddy got on top of her..."
Sonny's mother held up her hand. "Not another word. Wait till your father comes home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me."
The father came home. As he walked into the house, his wife said, "I'm leaving you. I'm packing now and I'm leaving you."
"But why?" asked the startled father.
"Go ahead, Sonny. Tell daddy just what you told me."
"Well," Sonny said, "I was playing in your bedroom closet and daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into bed and daddy got on top of her and then they did just what you did with uncle John when daddy was away last summer."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

SLIDESHOW #53 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Desert Food

Two cowboys were lost in the desert when they spotted a tree draped in bacon strips.
"We're saved!" shouted one cowboy. But when he ran up to the tree, he was shot multiple times.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (16)

Do you know what day it is?

"I bet you don't know what day this is", said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker:

"Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?" With that, he turned and rushed to catch the bus for work.

At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses.

At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.

The husband was smug when he returned from work, satisfied that he had recovered what could have been a very bad situation.

His wife was indeed surprised: "First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed, "I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 09 June 2016
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

Missed it

A busload of tourists arrives at Runnymede, just west of central London.

They gather around the guide who says: “This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."

A guy at the front of the crowd asks: "When did that happen?”

“1215,” answers the guide.

The man looks at his watch and says: “Damn! Missed it by a half hour.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 February 2015
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Horse Tears

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?"

The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do.

"Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"

The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."

A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before.

"What's the matter now?"

the bartender asks.

The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"

The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back."

The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!"

The bartenter, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.

The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery.

"It worked, it worked!" he exclaims.

"I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

#joke #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 May 2011
  • Currently 5.19/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (54)

The Bored Man

There's a man named Ralph that goes into a bar, looking very depressed. A friend approaches him and asks, "Why the long face, Ralph?"
"Oh, I'm just bored. I know every person in the entire world now, and there's just nothing left to challenge me."
His friend says, "No, you can't know everyone. Do you know Paul McCartney?"
He says, "Sure, Paul's an old friend of mine. Here, I'll show you." He goes over to a phone, dials a number. His friend overhears a British accent, "Hey Ralph, how ya doing?"
He talks for a while, but when Ralph hangs up, his friend is not really sure that it was Paul McCartney on the other end of the line, so he asks him if he knows the president.Ralph says, "Sure, we go way back." This time he lets him listen in as he calls a private number. It sounds like the president on the other end of the line, and they go into a big discussion of the current economic scene, and Ralph offers a few suggestions. Drawing the conversation to a close, Ralph wishes him well and hangs up.
His friend is a little dumbfounded at this point. "Well, there must be someone that you don't know." He goes over a few more people in his mind, and thinks, 'He can't possibly know the Pope. After all, he's a Protestant.'
But Ralph claims to know him, so to convince himself otherwise, his friend desides to fly both himself and Ralph to the Vatican to get positive proof of Ralph's conviction.
So they arrive at the Vatican, and Ralph suggests that his friend wait out in St. Peter's Square until Ralph has cleared things with the Pope. He's standing in the courtyard, when who walks out onto the balcony of the private residence, arm in arm with the Pope, but Ralph.
Ralph looks down, sees that his friend has apparently passed out, and runs down to see what can be done for him. "What happened to you? Couldn't you accept the fact that I really do know the Pope?"
"No, I'd begun to accept that possibility. But what really took my breath away was some stranger standing next to me who said, 'Who's that guy standing there with Ralph?'"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 May 2011
  • Currently 6.86/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (43)

Rabbi in the Catholic Hospital

Rabbi Levy had to spend time in a Catholic hospital. He became friends with the Sister who was a nurse there. One day, she came into his room and noticed that the crucifix on the wall was missing. She asked him good-naturedly, "Rabbi, what have you done with the crucifix?"
"Oh, sister," chuckled Rabbi Levy, "I just figured one suffering Jew in this room was enough."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 May 2009
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (40)

Mike Birbiglia: Crying Over a Book

I was on the subway the other day, and the guy next to me was crying over a book. He was actually crying. So, I leaned over -- I go, You dont know how to read, either?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 May 2012
  • Currently 5.23/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (35)

One day Bill complained to his

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
"Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
#joke #doctor #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 May 2021
  • Currently 8.79/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (34)

Who Shot the Big Buck?

Three friends decided to go hunting together. One was a lawyer, one a doctor, and the other a preacher. As they were walking, along came a big buck. The three of them shot at the same time and the buck dropped immediately. The hunting party rushed to see how big it actually was. Upon reaching the fallen deer, they found out that it was dead but had only one bullet hole.A debate followed concerning whose buck it was. When a game warden came by, he offered to help. A few moments later, he had the answer.He said with much confidence, "The pastor shot the buck!" The friends were amazed that he could determine that so quickly and with so little examination. The game warden just smiled. "It was easy to figure out. The bullet went in one ear and out the other."
#joke #doctor #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 January 2017
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

17 new Thanksgiving jokes for 2020

Q: What happens when cranberries get sad?
A: They turn into blueberries.

Q: Why was the soup at Thanksgiving so pricey?
A: It had 24 carrots.

Q: What kind of 'tude is appropriate at the family dinner?
A: Gratitude.

Q: Why was the turkey put in jail?
A: The police suspected fowl play.

Q: What's Frankenstein's favorite Thanksgiving dish?
A: Monster mash potatoes and grave-y.

Q: Why did Mom's turkey seasoning taste a little off last year?
A: She ran out of thyme.

Q: What did the Pilgrim wear to dinner?
A: A (har)vest.

Q: What can you call your brother who falls asleep after dinner?
A: Your napkin.

Q: What did the salad say to the butter who kept making jokes?
A: You're on a roll.

Q: What's a running turkey called?
A: Fast food.

Q: Who should you invite to your Friendsgiving?
A: Your close group of Palgrims.

Q: Why did the turkey bring a microphone to dinner?
A: He was ready for a roast.

Q:On Thanksgiving, what does Dad have in common with an exhausted baseball player?
A: They're both likely to fall asleep between plates.

Q: What's one thing that you'll have in common with a teddy bear on Thanksgiving?
A: You'll both be filled with stuffing.

Q:How can you unlock the greatest Thanksgiving experience ever?
A: By making sure to bring the tur-key.

Q: With Coronavirus being a possible concern this year, what's likely to be the most popular side dish?
A: Masked potatoes.

Q: Why were the beans accused of being jealous of the other side dishes?
A: They were so green.

#joke #thanksgiving
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 November 2020
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

The overweight paint...

“The overweight painter could not lose weight despite years of exposure to thinners.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 January 2017
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Proof of my insanity

Proof of my insanity was when I stole a dried grape from a cow: Textbook unraisin-a-bull behaviour.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Friendly Pastor

After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented, “Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine.”
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 November 2014
  • Currently 7.27/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (11)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.