Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 09 November 2022
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 09 November 2022 |
If you don’t have anything nice to say…
An aspiring Yogi wanted to find a Guru. He went to an Ashram and his preceptor told him, "You can stay here but we have one important rule: all students observe Mouna or a vow of silence. You will be allowed to speak in 12 years." After practicing for 12 long years, the day came when the student could say his one thing or ask his one question.He said: "The bed is too hard."He kept going for another 12 years of austere discipline, meditation and silence and finally got the opportunity to speak again. He said: "The food is not good."Twelve more years of hard work and he got to speak again. Here are his words after 36 years of practice: "I quit."His Guru quickly answered: "Good, all you have been doing anyway is complaining."He Didn't Suffer Long
A British man was killed by a shark while on his honeymoon in Australia.
Reports say he didn't suffer too long...
As he was only married 3 days!
If you don’t drink coffee in
If you don’t drink coffee in Starbucks you’ll get a have tea fine.No worries
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now, he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
Marriage Counseling
A husband and wife came for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.
She went on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unloveable, a long list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth.
The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down;. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, Doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on the other days I play golf."
Three sons left home, went out...
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.The first said: "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said: "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third said: "You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks. "William," she said, "the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.
"Arnold," she said, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He's a pain!"
"But David," she said, "the chicken was delicious!"
Louis Katz: Hippie Roommate
I made the mistake of moving in with a hippie. Hippie roommate -- horrible mistake. Apparently, when they say peace and love, what they really mean is filthy and annoying. 
An angry wife to her husband o...
An angry wife to her husband on phone: "Where the hell are you?" Husband: "Darling, you remember that jewelery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn't have money that time, and I said 'Baby it'll be yours one day'?"
Wife, with a smile and blushing: "Yeah I remember that my love!"
Husband: "I'm in the pub just next to that shop."
A Scottish lad and lass were s...
A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands. They had been silent for a while, then the lass said, "A penny for your thoughts." The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, "Well, I was thinkin' how nice it would be if ye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss."
So she did so.
But he again lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lass to ask him, "What are ye thinkin' now?"
To which the lad replied: "Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!"
God Gots Jokes
A man climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai and gets close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute."
The man then asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny."
Then he asks,"Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute."
Hunting Elephants
I hate it when people see me at the super market & they are like: Hey what are you doing here? And i'm just like: “Oh you know, hunting elephants.” So Fat
Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a red dress, the kids in the neighborhood yell, "Hey, Kool-Aid!" Yo mamma's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, skittles popped out.
Yo mamma's so fat, even God couldn't lift her spirits!
Yo mamma's so fat, she has her own zip code!
Yo mamma's so fat, it takes a train and two buses to get on her good side.
Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped in the road and I tried to swerve around her, I ran out of gas!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked in front of the TV, I missed five minutes of the show!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a room, someone said, "Woah! Was that a solar eclipse or did Free Willie just walk in?
Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a hotel and asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean!
Yo mamma's so fat, she rents shade!
Yo mamma's so fat, she invented the lowrider!
Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over K-Mart, stumbled over Wal-Mart and landed on Target!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she puts on high heels in the morning, by the afternoon they're flats.
Yo mamma's so fat, her picture weighs ten pounds.
Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over a rock and fell asleep trying to get up!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said, "to be continued."
Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a yellow coat, people run after her yelling "taxi!"
Yo mamma's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
Yo mamma's so fat, when she got lost (amazingly) they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton.