Jokes of the day http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ Jokes of the day - collection - daily dose of jokes sr rss@jokesoftheday.net Copyright 2008 Joke for Saturday, 04 May 2013 http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ http://www.jokesoftheday.net/jokes-archive/2013/05/04/ Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?

A: She missed.



The rest of jokes of the day check on http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ ]]> Sat, 04 May 2013 00:00:00 Joke for Friday, 03 May 2013 http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ http://www.jokesoftheday.net/jokes-archive/2013/05/03/ Q: Why cant a lesbian go on a diet and wear makeup at the same time?

A: Because they cant eat Jenny Craig and have Mary Kay on their face at the same time.



The rest of jokes of the day check on http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ ]]> Fri, 03 May 2013 00:00:00 Joke for Thursday, 02 May 2013 http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ http://www.jokesoftheday.net/jokes-archive/2013/05/02/ How do you know when a blonde's been sending e-mail?

Envelopes in the disk drive.



The rest of jokes of the day check on http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ ]]> Thu, 02 May 2013 00:00:00 Joke for Wednesday, 01 May 2013 http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ http://www.jokesoftheday.net/jokes-archive/2013/05/01/ An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table.   Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body.  When he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's butt. Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the University of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's butt.

    Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the cork back into it's original resting place.  He then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what I discovered!!"

    Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery."

    When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork.

    Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song, he quickly replaced the cork in the cadaver's butt and said, "What's so surprising about that?  I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song!"



The rest of jokes of the day check on http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ ]]> Wed, 01 May 2013 00:00:00 Joke for Tuesday, 30 Apr 2013 http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ http://www.jokesoftheday.net/jokes-archive/2013/04/30/ Time magazine sent a survey to women in Arkansas, asking for their opinions on the Clinton Sex Scandal. One of the questions: Would you ever have an affair with Bill Clinton? The results were staggering!

5% — No
3% — Yes
92% — Never Again



The rest of jokes of the day check on http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ ]]> Tue, 30 Apr 2013 00:00:00 Joke for Sunday, 28 Apr 2013 http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ http://www.jokesoftheday.net/jokes-archive/2013/04/28/ Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother.

"Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills."

"I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her."

"I've got you both beat," said the third. "I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to."

A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons. "Gerald -- the house you bought was too big. I only live in one room, but I have to clean the entire house. Milton -- the car is useless because I don't go anywhere because I'm too old. But Robert -- you know exactly what I like. The chicken was delicious."



The rest of jokes of the day check on http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ ]]> Sun, 28 Apr 2013 00:00:00 Joke for Thursday, 25 Apr 2013 http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ http://www.jokesoftheday.net/jokes-archive/2013/04/25/ What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

One less drunk.



The rest of jokes of the day check on http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ ]]> Thu, 25 Apr 2013 00:00:00 Joke for Tuesday, 23 Apr 2013 http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ http://www.jokesoftheday.net/jokes-archive/2013/04/23/ Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?

A: Prom.



The rest of jokes of the day check on http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ ]]> Tue, 23 Apr 2013 00:00:00 Joke for Sunday, 21 Apr 2013 http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ http://www.jokesoftheday.net/jokes-archive/2013/04/21/ This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever.

''Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?''

''Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, I get to kick your ass.''

''Okay,'' says the guy. He turns to his dog. ''Okay fella. Tell me -- what is on top of a house?''

''Roof!'' The man turns and smiles at the bartender.

''THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!''

''Okay boy. Tell me -- how does sandpaper feel?''

''Ruff!"

''What the hell you tryin' to pull mister?''

''Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please. Okay buddy, tell me -- who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?''

"Ruth."

The bartender beats the hell out of the guy and throws onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy.

"Geez. Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"



The rest of jokes of the day check on http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ ]]> Sun, 21 Apr 2013 00:00:00 Joke for Saturday, 20 Apr 2013 http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ http://www.jokesoftheday.net/jokes-archive/2013/04/20/ What do you get when Madonna is in a convertible?

A top that comes down easily!



The rest of jokes of the day check on http://www.jokesoftheday.net/ ]]> Sat, 20 Apr 2013 00:00:00