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Short jokes - funny one liners (161 to 200)

Short jokes - funny one liners (161 to 200)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 161 to 200.

Mary's Little One

Mary had a little lamb...
And two nurses who passed out in the delivery room.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

SLIDESHOW #108 - Funny Photo Slideshow

What My Doctor Told Me

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell.
Well he actually said "less McDonald's", but I'm pretty sure I know what he meant.

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Short Jokes, Long Laughs

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail
But apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

19 and 20 had a fight...
21...
19 was injured, 22.

A young boy asked his father if he could try coffee
The dad said “sure son! Have a sip.”
The boy took a sip and immediately spit it out. “Yuck!” he said, “this tastes like dirt!”
“We’ll of course it does, son. It was ground this morning!”

I hate it when you're on the toilet and you notice there is no toilet paper left. Then you have to walk with your trousers round your ankles to get another roll… Anyway, I'm nearly at the Walmart now!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

A Relaunched Air BnB

Two doctors decided to invest in an Air BnB. Despite all their marketing, they couldn't attract even a single customer.
Eventually, they decided to call their venture "Doctors Without Boarders."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Time Warp

The coffee shop had a sign that read: Pretend its 1973!
So I paid 10 cents and lit up a cigarette.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

6 Good jokes for Happy Friday

I am looking for someone to brush their teeth with me...
I just found out that 9 out of 10 dentists say brushing alone won't reduce cavities

My son asked if I was named after my dad.
I said, "of course I was, he was born many years before me."

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit covered in bee stings and smelling like honey...
You know she's a keeper.

People always ask where is Bigfoot? But never ask How is Bigfoot?
Yeti never complains

A friend told me he doesn't let his kids watch orchestra performances
cuz there's too much sax and violins.

My friend asked me if I had ever tried blindfolded archery. I replied that I hadn't.
He said, "It's great. You don't know what you're missing!

#joke #friday #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

5 short jokes to prepare for Friday

My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning
It's a girl and weighs 8lbs 4oz

Exactly four weeks ago, I entered into an intensive program to cut down my excessive body fat.
Remarkably, I've now reached my goal of losing 50% of my weight,
and they're transferring me to a new facility!
It's a half weigh house.

How do you milk sheep?
With iPhone accessories.

Bros don't let other bros walk around with an open fly.
It's called the zip code.

If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?
U r a bus

#joke #short #friday
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Failed hydro dam

Egypt's failed hydro dam,
aka the Joule of Denial.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Baby, Maybe

On a visit to the zoo, a small 3 year old boy passes the stork exhibit and looks up at the birds intently.
As his family then moves on, he turns to his father and says, "Gee Daddy, they didn't even recognize me."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Furniture repo men

Furniture repo men have a come for table existence.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

5 new jokes from the High Plains Comedy Festival

I’m from Texas.
I don’t sound like it – because I learned to read.”
~Usama Siddiquee

I’m polyamorous.
That means I love cats and dogs equally.”
~Mishka Shubaly

Once you reach age 35, you are not allowed to go on vacation alone.
It creeps everybody out.”
~Graham Kay

I might have kids someday. I don’t know.
Right now, I dont have time to come home and let them out.”
~Beth Stelling

My boyfriend and I just went to a destination wedding.
… Yeah, it was in Hell.”
~Katie Hannigan

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Bills To Pay

A man asked me for a dollar.
I told him I only carry big bills.
He said give him one of those.
So I gave him my electric bill.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

Would I like to be a sandwich

Would I like to be a sandwich model?
Yes, I sub pose I would.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Have some fun with 'addicted' jokes

I'm addicted to seaweed.
I must seek kelp.

My friend is addicted to drinking ink.
It's a dyer situation.

I've been reading a book on anti-gravity, and now I'm addicted.
I can't put it down!

I used to be addicted to eating soap.
But I'm clean now.

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese,
although it's only mild.

Sat next to a fruit machine addict at a gamblers anonymous meeting last night, It was awful!..
He kept nudging me.

A bunch of batteries were gathering around in a circle.
I guess they were having an AA-meeting.

They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction.
My money's on Dave.

I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts.
I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road.

m embarrassed to say I got addicted to shoplifting but only from the bottom shelves in the supermarket.
How could I stoop so low?

I've been addicted to cold turkey for 2 years.
I keep telling people I'm trying to quit cold turkey but nobody is taking me seriously.

Got home and someone has stolen all the bits of carpets and the mats.
Police think it was the work of rug addicts.

#joke #short #
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

8 short jokes for good start of the week

We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the ...
Minneapolis?

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers ...
The Times are rough

Sink or swim?
Sod it, I'm going in the pool. The dishes can wait!

My friend asked me to name two things that hold water.
"Well, Dam."

I think it is a good idea to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit
But that's just my two scents

So this kid comes home from school in panic and says Dad, they are all picking on me…are we pyromaniacs?
The dad looks down sadly and says. We arson.

4 asked 5 out but got rejected ...
Cause it was 2 squared.

My wife told me to stop counting.
But I didn't one two.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

Strippers are often infertile.

Strippers are often infertile. The men are nudered and the women insist on being well-spayed.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Dyslexic clairvoyant nurse

Hear about the dyslexic clairvoyant nurse who didn't bother to charge for her services, because she could fee into the suture?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

My girlfriend complained

My girlfriend complained I never took her anywhere, so we went to the Grand Canyon so she felt valley dated.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Random Letters

Me: I'm terrified of random letters
Therapist: You are?
Me: (Screams)
Therapist: I see....
Me: (Scream intensifies)

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

A nation full of insane people

A nation full of insane people has a lot of govern mental challenges.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Very few Broadway actors live

Very few Broadway actors live a Tony lifestyle.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Copy Cat

Teacher: "Laura, were you copying Mandy's answers?"
Laura: "No, Miss Morris, I was seeing if she got mine right."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

14 Jokes to brighten your day

A termite walks into a bar and asks
- Is the bar tender here?

What do you call a caveman's fart?
A blast from the past.

I was having a bad day, and my friend said,
'At least you're not stuck in a hole in the ground full of water.'
I knew he meant well.

A guy walks into a doctor's office, butt ass naked, but wrapped head-to-toe in cellophane.
The doctor takes one look at the guy and says,
'Well...I can clearly see your nuts.'

- Why couldn't the lifeguard rescue the hippie?'
- Because he was too far out, man.

The chicken and the egg are in bed.
The chicken rolls over and lights a cigarette, and the egg says,
'Well, I guess that answers *that* question.'

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

Why don't anteaters ever get sick?
Because they are full of little anty-bodies.

A tire thief is at large ...
and the police are working tirelessly to catch him.

A man went to see his doctor and the doctor said to him,
'I have some bad news and some worse news for you.'
So the man asks, 'OK, so what’s the bad news?'
The doctor says, 'You only have 24 hours to live.'
The man, obviously shocked by this, says, 'Oh my god, that’s terrible!'
Then he says, 'Wait a minute — what’s the worse news?'
Doctor: 'I should have told you yesterday.'

Two men are standing by the roadside when a tractor drives past.
The driver is ranting and shouting, 'The end of the world is nigh!'
One guy says, 'Oh no, we’re all gonna die, what shall we do?'
His friend replies, 'Don’t worry about him, that’s just Farmer Geddon!'

How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change.

How do ghosts go through locked doors?
AWith a skeleton key!

What did the zero say to the eight?
'Nice belt.'

#joke #doctor #walksintoabar #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

Cat's Meow

I took my cat’s meds by accident...
Don’t ask meow.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Only a Half Wit

Joe: "I've heard about your wit."
Moe: "Oh, that's nothing."
Joe: "Yeah, that's what I've heard."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

The painter became a wrestler,

The painter became a wrestler, because he wanted to lay the smock down.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

My athl

My athlete wife won an Olympic gold even while I was cheating on her. I told her, “Quit medalling in my affairs!”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Social activists in Hell are p

Social activists in Hell are pressuring Satan to resign, after he was accused of Hades speech.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

The talking cockatiel

The talking cockatiel was an expert at parotty.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Photographic Memory

Everyone has a photographic memory...
Some just still keep it on film...
And they never develop it.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

We are so paranoid about terro

We are so paranoid about terrorists, in the Western Hamasfear.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Radios

NED: I think all radios are sexist.
ED: Why's that?
NED: Because, I AM/FM-inist!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

Sodomy puns are sexual

Sodomy puns are sexual in ur endo.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Learning To Count

Being an older parent, my son learned to count...
By filling my pill dispenser.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

The clown with a split persona

The clown with a split personality was a bit of a Juggle and Hyde character.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

20 math jokes to make you laugh

I poured my root beer into a square glass...
Now I have a beer

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine!

What do you call a bunch of guys who love math?
Alge-bros!

Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
It was over 90 degrees!

How does a mathematician plow fields?
With a pro-tractor.

What's a math teacher's favorite kind of tree?
Geometry.

Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?
It improved di-vision.

Who's the king of the pencil case?
The ruler.

Why doesn't anybody talk to circles?
Because there's no point.

What did the triangle say to the circle?
You're pointless.

Why was the obtuse triangle always upset?
Because it's never right.

What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!

Why did the two 4s skip lunch?
They already 8!

How do you make seven an even number?
Remove the s!

Why was math class so long?
The teacher kept going off on a tangent.

Do you know what's odd?
Every other number!

Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.

Which king loved fractions?
Henry the ⅛.

Have you heard the one about the statistician?
Probably.

What do you call a number that can't sit still?
A roamin' numeral!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

The Ancient Egyptians were ver

The Ancient Egyptians were very scientific in all matters. In fact they even quantified their sexual enjoyment, by keeping track of Pharoah-moan production.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Crime during Oktoberfest

I committed a crime during Oktoberfest, and my friend ratted on me to the cops. Man, what a schnitz.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Few funny short jokes

My plan for tomorrow is to go with the wife to get us both some new glasses…
After that, we'll see!

I helped my neighbour this morning and she said to me, "I could marry you."
I couldn't believe it. You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return

A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water...
Schwepped her off her feet!

Did you hear about the bloke that always got angry when he was out of bread for breakfast?
He was lack-toast intolerant!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

Honeymoon Is Over

Husband: "Now that we are married, perhaps I might venture to point out a few of your little defects."
Wife: "Don't bother, dear. I'm quite aware of them. It was those little defects that prevented me from getting a much better man than you."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.18/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (17)

Jokes Archive

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