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Short jokes - funny one liners (3681 to 3720)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3681 to 3720. |
Play As James Bond
Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball.
"I was the James Bond type of player," he told his friends. "I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition."
"Batted .007," his wife added.
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“Two funeral homes in
“Two funeral homes invented a marijuana coffin. It was a joint undertaking.”
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Buddhist Vacuum
Q: Why can't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?A: No attachments.- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Barrybear47#joke #short
“The boardroom vote l
“The boardroom vote looked unanimous at first, but quickly became polarized as I put on my sunglasses.”
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Two men were talking...
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?""Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
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“The workers at the l
“The workers at the lumber mill went on strike, putting plywood production into suspended lamination.”
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After receiving his medication
After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the customer asked, "Are these time-release pills?"The pharmacist replied, "Yes, they are. They'll begin to work after your check clears."
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“What do you call a t
“What do you call a tunnel engineer who always talks about his business? A bore.”
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Teacher: What is the chemical
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?Johnny: HIJKLMNO
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Johnny: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
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The eminent financier was disc
The eminent financier was discoursing."The true secret of success," he said, "is to find out what the people want."
"And the next thing," someone suggested, "is to give it to them."
The financier shook his head contemptuously.
"No, to corner it."
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Little Angel?
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.Johnny asked his mom, “Where’d he come from?”“He came from heaven, Johnny.”“Wow! I can see why they threw him out!”#joke #short
Answering Machine Message 14
Hello. This is Mark and Nathan's phone. We're not here right now, but the phone is.
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The bride was anything but a t
The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper.It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed, "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it."
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“My son asked me if I
“My son asked me if I would leave him money after I died. I said, 'I probably will.'”
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“The man that pointed
“The man that pointed out the burning building was a fire distinguisher.”
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One day two blind men started...
One day two blind men started fighting. Pretty soon a crowd surrounded them.
Then one of the members of the crowd yelled out "I bet 10 quid on the one with the knife."
Both men ran away.
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How Have Times Changed?
In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar.
Since then, weddings have been held there, and times haven't changed at all!
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“In order to win, sno
“In order to win, snooker players really need to be in the right frame of mind.”
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A dog is truly a man's best f
A dog is truly a man's best friend.If you don't believe it, just try this experiment: put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?
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“I used to be a lifeg
“I used to be a lifeguard, but I couldn't keep my head above water.”
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“I think I've been r
“I think I've been reusing the same kitchen puns too much, I might need to dish out new ones.”
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Dog is the only true friend of
Dog is the only true friend of man. If you don't believe it, lock your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car. Open it in a couple of hours and see who will be more glad to see you...#joke #short
Pork at a July 4th Picnic
A priest and a rabbi met at the annual July 4th picnic. They were old friends and loved to tease one another. "This baked ham is really good,” said the priest. “You really ought to break down and try some.”"I will, I will,” replies the rabbi, smiling, “at your wedding.” #joke #short
Five Jewish Men
Five Jewish men influenced the history of Western civilization. Moses said the law is everything. Jesus said love is everything. Marx said capital is everything. Freud said sex is everything. Einstein said everything is relative.#joke #short
All Bill asked for was a littl
All Bill asked for was a little good-night kiss, but Anne haughtily rebuffed him with, "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date!""Well," Bill replied with sarcasm, "how about on your last date?"
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Switching Grooms
Little Mary was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony. When it was over, she asked her mother, “Why did the lady change her mind?”Her mother asked, “What do you mean?”"Well, she went down the aisle with one man and came back with another one.”#joke #short