Short jokes - funny one liners (3761 to 3800)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3761 to 3800. |
In the vinyl analysi...
“In the vinyl analysis, plastic waste in the ocean poses a serious threat to marine life.”
I was on the Subway
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks ‘Are you reading that?'
I didn’t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
Pierced Ears and Marriage
Q. Why are Jewish men with pierced ears well prepared for marriage? A. Because they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.- Joke shared by Beliefnet member BeliefnetSabeeDead Atheist
Q: What do you call a dead atheist? A: Someone all dressed up with nowhere to go! - Joke shared by Beliefnet member sharohioA Puzzle for Darwin
On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.I always look for a woman who has a tattoo
If I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future.
Row, Row, Row Your Boat?
A student was asked if he knew what Roe v. Wade was about. He answered that he thought it was the decision George Washington had to make when he decided to cross the Delaware.Calling home, the traveling va...
Calling home, the traveling vacuum cleaner salesman complained to his wife that he'd gotten two orders that day."But darling," she declared, "that's wonderful!"
"Not so wonderful," he glumly corrected. "The first was 'Get out' and the second was 'Stay out.'"
Friendly Pastor
After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented, “Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine.”I applied for a job...
“I applied for a job as a weatherman, but my knowledge of meteorology was a little cloudy.”
Big Mouth!
A Jewish gentleman stood before a delicatessen display counter and pointed to a tray. "I'll have a pound of that salmon," he said."That's not salmon," the clerk said. "It's ham.""Mister," the customer snapped, "in case nobody ever told you, you got a big mouth!"“Why did the watch ma
“Why did the watch make a quick trip to the dry cleaners? It was pressed for time!”
What Did the Cannibal Say…
Q. What did the cannibal say when he came upon a sleeping missionary.A. "Ah! Breakfast in bed."If Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder...
“If absence makes the heart grow fonder,” said a minister, “a lot of folks must really love our church.”“Quite a few people l
“Quite a few people left the office to attend Ash Wednesday services at lunch - it was a mass exodus!”
Eve's Steep Price
God noticed that Adam was lonely. He said to him "Adam, I am going to give you the perfect companion. She'll cook and clean and listen, she's perfect."Adam replied, "What will she cost me?"God said, "An arm and a leg."Shocked, Adam said, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"Did you ever see the customers
Did you ever see the customers in a health-food store? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead.In a steak house you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying of course, but they look terrific.
“When it comes to dan
“When it comes to dancing, no one can just waltz in and learn instantly. Sometimes it takes a quick-step, or sometimes you need to hustle around. But eventually anyone can get the swing of it.”
“Beware of lumberjack
“Beware of lumberjacks bearing dull tools. They usually have an axe to grind!”
When Life Begins
There's a big controversy on the Jewish view of exactly when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.“If your computer doe
“If your computer doesn't work, I might have some Bits and PCs that could help.”
The Buddha's Vacuum Cleaner
Q: Why did it take the Buddha forever to vacuum his sofa?A: Because he didn't have any attachments.
Answering Machine Message 27
Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra": Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached... (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can.Two Kinds of People
There are two kinds of people. Those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."If you want to deliv...
“If you want to deliver a compliment, you have to address them properly.”