You Might Be A Redneck If 29
You might be a redneck if...
You don't think Jeff's Foxworthy's jokes are funny.
Every time you see a roadsign that says "DIP" you reach in your back pocket.
You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.
You have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your truck.
You have to hit the dashboard in your truck to get the lights and radio to work.
The tires on your pick-up are taller than your children.
The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt when you get out.
You think "dual airbags" refers to your wife and mother-in-law.
Shopping for dinner involves an orange vest.
Your school dress code contains the line "Shoes Optional".
Eddie in Dallas calls his son...Eddie in Dallas calls his son in New York just before Thanksgiving and tells him, "I'm sorry to tell you but your mother and I are getting a divorce. I just cannot tolerate any more of her constant complaining. We can't stand the sight of each other any more. I'm telling you first, Jerry, because you're the oldest. Please tell your sister."
When Jerry calls his sister Julie in Miami, she says: "No way are they getting divorced. I'll go there for Thanksgiving and talk them out of it."
Julie phones here father and tells him: "You must not get divorced. Promise me you won't do anything until I get over there. I'm calling Jerry and we'll both be there with you tomorrow. Until then, don't take any action. Please listen to me." Then she hangs up.
The father puts down the phone, turns to his wife Frances and says, "Good news! Jerry and Julie are coming for Thanksgiving, and they're both paying their own way."
Find number abc
If a1b3b + 2c8bc = 7883a find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
ThanksgivingA man went one Thanksgiving to get a turkey from a live poultry farm. "Do you have any turkeys going cheap?" he asked."Nope," said the owner. "All our turkey go gobble, gobble.'"
Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church?
A: Because they use fowl language.
Q: What's the most musical part of a turkey?
A: The drumstick.
Q: Which cat discovered America?
A: Christofurry Columbus.
The pro-football team had just...The pro-football team had just finished its daily practice when a large turkey strutted onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and requested a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “Your are terrific! Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge signing bonus.” “Forget the bonus,” the turkey said. “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?”
These questions about Canada wThese questions about Canada were posted on an international tourismwebsite and obviously the answers came from a fellow Canuck.
Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only six thousand km, take lots of water. . .
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)!
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?
Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.