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Best New Jokes

The best jokes in the last two weeks. Top 20 jokes rated by site visitors.
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (114019)

Have a great time for Christmas, check out our latest Christmas jokes of 2022 on: Christmas jokes collection

It's Probably Okay, Dad

A man in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.
"Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.
"Aw, Dad, it's probably okay," the son said. "The police car right behind us just did the same thing."

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (11)

Christmas Present

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. Pastor Mike was looking at the nativity scene outside when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the figures. Immediately, Pastor Mike turned towards the church to call the police. But as he was about to do so, he saw little Jimmy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. Pastor Mike walked up to Jimmy and said, "Well, Jimmy, where did you get the little infant?" Jimmy replied, "I got him from the church." "And why did you take him?" With a sheepish smile, Jimmy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to little Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it."
#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (10)

My Young Daughter

I was out with my young daughter and ran into a friend I'd not seen in years.
"This is Beth," I said, introducing my kid.
"And what's Beth short for?" he asked.
"Because she's only three," I answered.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.44/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (9)

21st Century Newspaper

I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century," she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.".

I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.44/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (9)

FLEX WORDLE

FLEX WORDLE Guess the WORDLE in 3 tries. After each guess, the color of the tiles will change to show how close your guess was to the solution.
Source: Genius Brain Teasers - Jokes Of The Day Partner

New Dog Food

We put our dog on a vegan diet, and she's doing really well...
She's eaten two so far.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

Old Watch

My young daughter was wearing a beat up old watch a friend had given her.

I asked her, "Does it tell the time?"

My daughter looked at me and said, "No, you have to look at it."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

Witchy Woman

Husband: Honey, I broke a glass in the kitchen.
Wife: I am coming with the broom.
Husband: It’s not urgent. You can come on foot.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

Thanks for Your Help, Judge

The judge reviews the divorce case very carefully and issues his judgement. "Mr Smith, I am going to give your wife $750 a month."
Mr. Smith's replies, "That's very nice of you, judge. And every once in a while I will send her a little extra too."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

Went Where

Teacher: "I have went. That's wrong isn't it?"
Little Johnny: "Yes ma'am."
Teacher: "Why is it wrong?"
Little Johnny: "Because you ain't went yet."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

Why Didn't Cain Please God?

Q: Why didn't Cain please God?A: Because he just wasn't Able.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Having Communion

Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion.
When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johnny held his dollar firmly in his hand, stating...
"If I don't eat, I don't pay!"

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

An HMO Manager at the Pearly Gates

Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. St. Peter asked them to identify themselves. One doctor stepped forward and said, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped kids overcome their deformities." St. Peter said, "You can enter."The second doctor said, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves." St. Peter also invited him in.The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care." St. Peter said, "You can come in, too."But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, "You can stay three days. After that, you can go to Hell."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Gift Exchange

My friend reviewed her young son’s fill-in-the-blank homework.
One line: “At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ___________.”
His response: “Receipts.”

#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Kids' Bible Jokes

Q. Why should we be encouraged by the story of Jonah and the whale?A. Because Jonah was down in the mouth, but came out all right. Q. When was the first meat mentioned in the Bible?A. When Noah took Ham into the ark. Q. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?A. Quackers. Q. Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark?A. Because they were using "fowl" language.Q: How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman? A: By his net income.
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Always the Red Crayon

Why did the nurse always choose the red crayon?
Because she always has to draw blood.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Eating a quantity of fruit eve

Eating a quantity of fruit every day is of pear-amount importance.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

I hallucinated that I threw Mr. Poitier off a bridge. I should never have dropped a Sid.
#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

For delaying a shipment of pud

For delaying a shipment of pudding, I was thrown into a Siberian prison, aka the goo lag!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Partial disability

A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" the interviewer asks.

"Yes, I was a Marine," responds the applicant.

"Did you see any active duty?"

"I was in Vietnam for two years and I have a partial disability."

"May I ask what happened?"

"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles."

"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 a.m."

"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."

2006 - Eli - interviewing at desk - (by Eli) 163193843_7d2d203184_o

"Everyone else starts at 7 a.m., but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."

#joke #monday
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

A Yogi Walked into a Pizza Parlor…

What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?"Make me one with everything."When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

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