Best New Jokes

The best jokes in the last 10 days. Top 20 jokes rated by site visitors.
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (28605)

The Preacher and the Frog Princess

An old country preacher was fishing one afternoon when he noticed a frog sitting next to him. The frog said, “Mister, I’ve had a spell cast on me. If you’ll kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and I’ll make you happy for the rest of your life.”The old preacher smiled, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. After a while, he looked into his pocket to see how the frog was doing.The frog said again, “Mister, I’ve had a spell cast on me. If you’ll kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and I’ll make you happy for the rest of your life.”The preacher just smiled and kept on fishing. When he checked on the frog again, it said, “What’s wrong with you, fella? I said I’ve been bewitched. Just kiss me and I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and make you the happiest man on earth for the rest of your life!”The old preacher just smiled and said, “Frog, I’m sorry to tell you this…but at my age, I’d rather have a talking frog than a beautiful princess!”
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 9.44/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (9)

Mr. Jones is driving past the

Mr. Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While he is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which he was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.
He is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing.
"Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels and use them to replace the missing ones? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something."
Mr. Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?"
The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 9.38/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (8)

It's the drinking...

The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.

"I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."

"Okay," the patient said. "Can we get an opinion from a doctor who's sober?"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

 You Might Be A Redneck If 42

You might be a redneck if...
Your biggest ambition in live is to "git that big ole coon.
The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."
Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
Your grandfather completely executes the "pull my finger" trick at the family reunion.
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.
You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Find the right combination

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

You have to stay in shape...

You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She's 97 now and... we have no idea where she is.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Chicamote handmade accessories
http://www.chicamote.com/

Honey Can't You See

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

A cowboy walks into a bar and...

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whisky. When the bartender delivers the drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?"
The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging."
"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"
"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.
"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.
"Well," says the bartender. "He wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."
"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"
"Rustling," said the bartender.
#joke #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

At the doctor's office.

At the doctor's office.
- What bothers you?
- I have a bad memory.
- Ok. What else?
- I have a very bad memory.
- What else?!
- And... I have a really bad memory.
- Yes, I understand that you have a bad memory! What else??
- And I have hearing problems.
- What else?
- What did you say?
- What else?!
- Say it again?
- What else?!
- Ah-ah! And I have a bad memory.
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

A robber was found wounded in

A robber was found wounded in an electronics store...
He tried breaking in from the roof but unfortunately for him, he fell on a 'Sharp' TV.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Pickup truck full of penguins...

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says, "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."

The guy obliges and drives away.

The next day, the officer sees the same guy driving around with the truck full of penguins again. This time, though, all the penguins are wearing sunglasses.

The police officer pulls the guy over and says, "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"

The guy replies, "I did, and today I'm taking them to the beach."

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Two young soldiers were exchan

Two young soldiers were exchanging their experiences of the service in the Army.
"My sergeants are wonderful", said one soldier.
"I wish I could say the same about mine," said the other.
"You could if you could lie as I do."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Life before computers...

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

My friend has a bad habit of o

My friend has a bad habit of overdrawing her bank account.
One day before we went shopping, I complained about my lack of funds and lamented, “Guess I’ll use plastic.”
Unconcerned, she whipped out her checkbook, “That's okay, I’m using rubber.”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Father: Son, today is your exa

Father: Son, today is your exam. If you fail, that's it, don't ever call me your father again. Got it?
Son: Okay dad! I'll do my best!
After the exam..
Father: So, how's the exam?
Son: Sorry Sir, do I know you?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

An Unusual Nativity

A religious education class was almost finished making their models of the nativity scene and one little boy had done a lovely job. Some animals, Mary, Joseph, three wise men, and shepherds were all there. However, the teacher noticed an extra, rather overweight man in the scene as well.“Who is that person?” she asked.“Oh, that’s Round John Virgin.”
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

 Vermont Crazy Law


  • Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
  • Whistling underwater is illegal.
  • At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.

    Barre


  • All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.

    #joke
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 7.50/10

    Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

    “Whenever there is an

    “Whenever there is an earthquake the geologists are always quick to find fault.”

    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
    • Currently 7.50/10

    Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

    “Can a well-rounded i

    “Can a well-rounded individual become flattered?”

    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
    • Currently 7.50/10

    Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

    Definition of Myrrh...

    Definition of Myrrh...
    Myrrh: i. a type of perfume or incense;
    ii. the second gift of the Magi;
    iii. a great scrabble word when you are out of vowels.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
    • Currently 7.50/10

    Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

    Who was the murderer in Celebr

    Who was the murderer in Celebrity Clue? A: Reese, Witherspoon.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
    • Currently 7.50/10

    Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

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