Jokes of the day

“The geologist went t ...

“The geologist went to the doctor because he had a loss of apatite.”

Just Trying to Be Helpful

A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?" "Yep".

Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs.

Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer, protect me from this man.

He's been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!"
 Joke of the Day, posted everyday on getfrank.co.nz - Click to see the past weeks worth right here...

Short funny jokes-Phone number

Chuck Norris can win a game of ...

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

A guy is reading his paper whe ...

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."

How to Have a Perfect Pastor

A recent survey has compiled all the qualities that people expect from the perfect pastor:

Results of a computerized survey indicated that the perfect pastor preaches exactly 12 minutes.

He frequently condemns sin but never upsets anyone.

He works from 8 a.m. until midnight and is also a janitor.

He makes \\$60 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about \\$80 a week to the poor.

He is 28 years of age, but he's been preaching for 30 years.He is wonderfully gentle and handsome.

He gives himself completely but never gets too close to anyone to avoid criticism.

He speaks boldly on social issues, but must never become politically involved.

He has a burning desire to work with teenagers, but he spends all his time with senior citizens.

He makes 15 daily calls to parish families, visits shut-ins and the hospitalized, spends all his time evangelizing the unchurched, and is always in his office when needed.

 Televised Operations

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.


As public television viewers in 12 cities sat glued to their sets while doctors in Philadelphia reconstructed 15-month-old Michele Miller's skull during a two-hour operation broadcast live, the girl's parents, Lynn and Paul Miller of Princeton, N.J., opted to watch "The Wizard of Oz" instead.

Pimple Head

Lewis has a big pimple in the middle of his forehead. A big, huge pimple, and it won't go away. So he goes to the doctor.
The doctor examines him and says, "Oh my! You've got a penis growing out of the middle of your forehead!"
Lewis says, "Oh, no, Doc! What can you do?"
The doctor says, "Don't worry. Once it's fully grown, we can remove it completely."
Lewis says, "What do you mean, FULLY GROWN?! Doc, I can't spend years and years staring at that thing, waiting for it to grow!"
The doctor says, "Well, you won't have to stare at it for long. Pretty soon, the balls will cover your eyes."

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine. I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.

Colin Quinn: New Yorkers Take a Compliment

You can always tell who was raised in New York by how they take a compliment when theyre an adult. Nice haircut. Screw you. Whats wrong with it?

Blonde and Missed Bus

She is so blonde, when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice.

blondes and computer

How do you know that a blonde was using the computer?
there is white out on the screen
How do you know that another blonde was using that computer?
there is writing over the white out
How do you know that a third blonde was using the computer?
the joystick is wet

21, 21, 21

There's a brunette walking down a set of railroad tracks saying,"21, 21, 21..."
Then a blonde pulls up, gets out of her car, and says, "What are you doing?"
The brunette replies, "Just counting."
The blonde says, "May I join you?"
"Yes," replies the brunette.
So the blonde and the brunette are now both walking down the railroad tracks saying," 21, 21, 21..."
A train comes and the brunette jumps off the tracks as the blonde gets hit.
After the train passes, the brunette gets back on the tracks and says,"22, 22, 22..."

 Knock Knock Collection 106

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Juicy!

Juicy who!

Juicy what I just saw!



Knock Knock

Who's there?

Julia!

Julia who!

Julia want to come in!



Knock Knock

Who's there?

Julia!

Julia who!

Julia want some milk and cookies!



Knock Knock

Who's there?

Julie!

Julie who!

Julie you door unlocked?



Knock Knock

Who's there?

Juliet!

Juliet who!

Juliet me in or not!