Jokes of the day for Friday, 22 August 2014Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 22 August 2014
Q: Why did the skeleton cross ...Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop.
Funny video of the day - Accident Funny Clips - HOT 2014
“Hemlock is a special...
“Hemlock is a special attachment on a sewing machine.”
Ah! Yes, love is blind, and ma...Ah! Yes, love is blind, and marriage is and eye opener!
Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of long distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI, and Sprint.
"I've found CTC to be the cheapest plan around," offered one.
"CTC? Who are they?"
"You know," he responded. "Call Them Collect."
Answering Machine Message 135
Hi, you've reached 474-2340. Don, Kendy and Sylvia can't come to the phone right now because they've been kidnapped by aliens and replaced by android duplicates. You could leave your name and number at the tone, but I wouldn't -- you might be next! (evil laugh)
Lay you or Jack offTwo managers are going over their budget for the next year.
After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane.
They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off.
Finally, one manager decides that they lay off the first person who gets up from their desk.
In the meantime, Jane is hard at work but suddenly gets a headache. She gets some aspirin from her desk drawer and gets up from her desk to get some water.
One of the managers gets up to break the bad news to Jane.
Manager: "Jane, I need to talk to you. I've got a problem. I either need to lay you or Jack off..."
Jane: "Well, Jack off. I've got a headache."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
After-School SnackQ: Why did the boy eat his homework? A: His teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Kevin Hart: No Longer SafeEver argue with a female and, in the middle of the argument, you no longer feel safe because of her actions? She may start pacing back and forth real fast, breathing out her nose. You know what my girl do? When she get mad, she start talking in the third person. Thats scary as hell because thats her way of telling me that from this point on, she is not responsible for none of her actions.
Dana Gould: Whole Approach to MarriageMy whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I wont say anything, and then, later, Ill die of cancer.
Face 2 Face"Hey, how's your face feeling?"
"Because it's killing me!"
Medical Emergency on the Golf CourseThe husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when
she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please dear, I need
help." she said.
The husband ran off saying "I'll go get some help." A little
while later he returned, picked up his club and began to line
up his shot on the green.
His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said, "I'm
may be dying and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who
said he come and help."
"The second hole??? When in the hell is he coming???"
"Hey! I told ya not to worry." he said, practice stroking
his putt. "Everyone's already agreed to let him play through."
Bagpipes Vs JavelinQ. How is playing the bagpipes like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.