Jokes of the day for Sunday, 16 June 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 16 June 2019
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Rating: 9.5/10 (503)

 Educational Priority


The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
January 12, 1993
Rhett Jacobs, Democratic candidate for the South Carolina House and a man who listed "education" as his top priority, submitted a required campaign disclosure form in October, handwritten, on which he detailed expenses for "filling fee," "campain work" and "litature."

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  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

My Wife Is Mad

My wife is mad at me, says I have no sense of direction.
So I packed all my bags and right!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

“My barber cut short

“My barber cut short his operational costs by trimming the overheads!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.69/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (13)

The Old Lawyer

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a long time for you."

What do you mean he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?"

"45? You're not 45, you're 82" replied the angel.

"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate."

"Hold on. Let me go check" said the angel and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned.

"Sorry, but by our records you *are* 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..."

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 21 June 2016
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

Sitting on the edge of the hig

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, said, "Officer, I don’t understand, Iwasn’t doing over the speed limit! What did you pull me over for?"
"Ma’am," the officer said, "You should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous".
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.
The officer, trying not to laugh, explains that 22 is the route number, not the speed limit. A little embarrassed, the woman smiled and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"Before I go Ma’am, I have to ask, is everyone ok? These women seem badly shaken and haven’t said a word since I pulled you over."
"Oh! they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route142" ...
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Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 June 2015
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

A Woman in her late thirties i

A Woman in her late thirties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18-year-old."
The husband replies, "What did he say about your 42-year old arse?"
"Your name never came up," she replied.
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 February 2015
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Replace asterisk symbols with ...

Replace asterisk symbols with a letters (GE*R** ********) and guess the name of musician. Length of words in solution: 6,8.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Langauge

Someone mistakenly leaves the cages open in the reptile house at the Bronx Zoo and there are snakes slithering all over the place.

Frantically, the keeper tries everything, but he can't get them back in their cages. Finally he says, "Quick, call a lawyer!"

"A lawyer? Why??"

"We need someone who speaks their langauge!"

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 June 2009
  • Currently 5.03/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (31)

What a mess!

Have you heard about the elephant with diarrhea?

It's all over town!

Submitted by Glaci

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 16 June 2011
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (26)

Chuck Norris can delete the Re...

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 16 June 2013
  • Currently 3.09/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (23)

Do Cats Go to Heaven?

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat. The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"

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Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 June 2009
  • Currently 5.64/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (22)

A Little Cannibalism Humor, Folks

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 16 June 2013
  • Currently 3.19/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (21)

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