Jokes of the day for Friday, 24 October 2014Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 24 October 2014
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A chicken walks into a library...A chicken walks into a library, goes up to a librarian and says, "Book book book." The librarian decides that the chicken wants a book so he gives the chicken a book and the chicken walks away. About ten minutes later the chicken comes back with the book, looking a bit agitated, saying, "Book book book." The librarian decides the chicken wants another book so he takes the old book back and gives the chicken another book. The chicken walks out the door. Ten minutes later the chicken comes back again, very agitated, saying, "Book book book!" so quickly it almost sounds like one word. The chicken puts the book on the librarians desk and looks up - waiting for another book. This time the librarian gives the chicken another book and decides that something weird is happening. He follows the chicken out the door and into the park, all the way to the pond. In the pond is a frog sitting on a lily pad. The chicken gives the book to the the frog, who then says, "Reddit, reddit."
Funny video of the day - Ultimate Dash Cam Fails
“I shouldn't have plu...
“I shouldn't have plugged my iPhone into the PC at the kitchen. It's now in the sync.”
Qualities of a womanTop 5 qualities of a woman:
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
Maybe you think it’s
Maybe you think it’s hoagie, but to prepare myself for a large sandwich, I always sing ‘A Mayonnaising Graze.’
A man returned to his parked B...A man returned to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage to the front end of the car. There was no sign of the offending vehicle, but he was relieved to see that there was a note stuck under the windshield wiper.
The note read: "Sorry I just backed into your car. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars, But I'm not."
There was this little guy sitt...There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth ...Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
Two boys growing up in a violent neighborhood of Rio de Janeiro take different paths: one becomes a photographer, the other a drug dealer. Film was made in 2002.
The End Is Near!A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car. One driver who drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"
All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, "You think maybe we should have just said 'Bridge Out' instead?"
A Golf Club Visits A Local Bar
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.
"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
Bad HaircutWhen your friend says he/she got a bad haircut and the phone
rings, tell them it's "Fantastic Sam's . . . they want to
settle out of court."
Arj Barker: No Razors in Halloween CandyTheres no razor in candy. If for no other reason, it doesnt make financial sense. Its not fiscally prudent. How much does a piece of candy cost -- like, a penny and a half? An apples like 15 cents? Anybody here bought a Mach 3 replacement cartridge recently? Theyre so expensive, they dont even keep them on the shelf. You know, you have to ask the people behind the counter. I feel like Im trying to buy enriched plutonium or something.
Another Chicken, Another RoadQ: Why did the stoner cross the road? A: Who else would follow a chicken?
Damn he can drive!This guy is on the street corner spitting and cussing.
A little old lady goes and gets a cop, telling him there is a guy spitting and cussing.
Sure enough when the cop come up to the guy he spits and says, "Damn, that guy can drive a car."
The cop tells him to stop spitting and cussing. And then asks him what the problem is.
The man again spits and says, "Damn, that guy can drive a car."
The cops again tells him not to spit and cuss and asks him what the problem is.
The man replies, "I was thumbing a ride when this guy stops and picked me up. He takes off at 100 miles an hour, and I am scared to death.
"As we entered town the guy slows down to about 60 miles per hour and skids into a alley where again he picks up speed.
"Right in front of us are two 18 wheelers parked on either side of the alley with only 4 feet between them.
"I screamed out 'We are going to die!'
"Then right before we were going to crash I looked over and told the guy, 'If you get us out of this I will suck your dick!'"
Again he spits and tells the cop, "Damn, that guy can drive a car."
Submitted by Greg
Edited by The whole team
2012 OlympicsThe city of Paris lost the chance to host the 2012 Olympics and they're very bitter about it.
Apparently the Parisians are disappointed because they were looking forward to being rude to thousands of new people.