A Hawaii woodpecker and a CaliA Hawaii woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about whichplace had the toughest trees. The Hawaii woodpecker said Hawaii had a treethat no woodpecker could peck. The California woodpecker accepted hischallenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. TheHawaiian woodpecker was in awe.
The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to pecka tree in California that was absolutely unpeckable. The Hawaiianwoodpecker expressed confidence he could do it, so accepted the challenge.After flying to California, the Hawaii woodpecker successfully pecked thetree with no problem.
So the two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Californianwoodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpeckerwas able to peck the Californian tree, but neither one was able to peckthe tree in their own state?
After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion -your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.
Recalled Chrstimas Toys
Recalled Christmas Toys
- Broken Bag-O-Glass
- Dr. Kevorkian First Aid Kit
- Jeffrey Domhers Easy Bake oven and cookbook
- Timothy McVays home Chemistry set
- Switchblade Barney
- Pork-n-Beany Babies
- Make your own moonshine kit
- Mike Tyson Doll (with ear biting action)
The Magician and Little Johnny
Mr. Magic: I can turn this handkerchief into a flower.
Little Johnny: That’s nothing. I can walk down the street and turn into an alley.
There was a couple going at itThere was a couple going at it for the first time, and after a while, the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider.
She does and they continue.
A few minutes go by and he tells her again, "Open your legs a little wider."
She does, then he says again, "A little wider, hon."
The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it.
This continues until he asks again, "Can you open them just a little wider?"
So she finally yells, "What are you trying to do; get your balls in too?"
He says "No, I'm trying to get them out."
“I tried to mine diam
“I tried to mine diamonds but all I found was chalcedony, I'm sard to say.”
There was a nun whose old body began to surrender to time. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day to relax her. Not to be lured into "worldly pleasures", she huffily declined.
But the Mother Superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day.
After a few more years, even that spiked milk couldn't help and the aged sister approached her final hour. As several nuns gathered around her at her bedside, the Mother Superior asked if she wanted to leave them with any words of wisdom.
"Oh, yes," she replied. "Never sell that cow!"
What number comes next?
Can We....On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, ‘I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,’ and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn’t work out; could you get a divorce in heaven.
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. ‘Yes,’ he informs the couple, ‘you can get married in Heaven.’
‘Great!’ said the couple, ‘But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?’
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.
‘What’s wrong?’ asked the frightened couple.
‘OH, COME ON!’, St. Peter shouted, ‘It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?
Drunk dateA guy enters a bar and orders two shots of vodka. He drinks the first and dumps the second on his right hand.
He then orders a second round of shots, drinks the first and again dumps the second on his right hand.
The bartender sees this and becomes curious as the guy orders a third round and does the exact same thing.
So the bartender asks the guy, "Hey man, I hope you don't mind me asking but why the waste of good drinks?"
So the man says, "I have to get my date drunk."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman