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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 27 May 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 27 May 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

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“I tried talking to m

“I tried talking to my dentist during a cleaning, but my words got flossed in translation.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A cannibal visited the witch d

A cannibal visited the witch doctor with a serious skin rash.
The doctor gave him a small pot of grease to rub on.
He returned next week completely cured. " Wonderful stuff what is it" he said
"My best friend died . I boiled him in a pot for six days then skimmed the grease off" he replied.
" What do you call it?" Said the cannibal.
" Pal o' mine lotion" replied the witch doctor.
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Funny video of the day - Target Practice Fails || A Fail Compilation

Target Practice Fails || A Fail Compilation - Headshot! Bullseye! Nailed it! Any one of these words you can use to describe the clips in this weeks target practice fail compilation. Sometimes you don't hit the mark... and sometimes you do by accident. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

The boss ordered one of his me...

The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered.
The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving amound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem.
The boss snorted. "Honestly! The kind of help you get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

(FORMER) VICE PRESIDENT GORE

I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.

PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH

I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.

SENATOR LIEBERMAN

I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God in their own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in their own way.

VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY

Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.

RALPH NADER

Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tiremakers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tiremakers to create the need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads, up with chickens.

PAT BUCHANAN

To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die. In the rain.

FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES

I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by 'chicken'? Could you define 'chicken' please?

COLONEL SANDERS

I missed one?

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Funny Photo of the day - Plant earring

Plant earring - Your personal garden at your ear | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

 Knock Knock Collection 021


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Bach!
Bach who?
Bach of sweets!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Bacon!
Bacon who?
Bacon a cake for your birthday!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

twins

When I was born, the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look ... twins!"

--- Rodney Dangerfield

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Yo momma so fat when she turne

Yo momma so fat when she turned around we gave her a Welcome Back Party.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Chicamote handmade accessories
http://www.chicamote.com/

The Box

One day long ago, a man and woman got married. The man told the woman that there would always be a box under the bed but to never look into it. So they were married for 40 years and the woman never looked in the box. On the morning of their 40th anniversary, the wife looked in the box. In the box, there was about 300 dollars in small bills, and 3 empty beer bottles. At dinner that evening, the woman just had to ask. So she did, she asked "what are those beer bottles for, you know, in the box under the bed?" The man said, oh no, you looked. OK, Every time I've been unfaithful to you, I chugged a beer and put it in the box.
The wife says, well for forty years, that's not so bad. At night, the woman was having a bad night, she could not get to sleep, something was bugging her. Then she remembered. She shook awake her husband and asked, what was the money for, though. The guy says, what? The lady says, you know, the money in the box.
The guy says, well, every time the box filled up, I took it in and got money for the bottles.  

#joke
Joke | Source: Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

A lawyer returns to his parked...

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and his front bumper smashed.
There's no sign of the offending vehicle, but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper.
The lawyer picks up the note. "Sorry. I just backed into your BMW. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Seeing a spider

Seeing a spider isn't a problem. It becomes a problem when it disappears!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games.
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Moof

What goes moof?
- A cow with buck teeth.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 April 2015
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Ecumenical Greenbacks

My home church welcomes all denominations, but really prefers tens and twenties.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 20 September 2014
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (7)

Amy Schumer: Worst Part About Drinking

You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When Im drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 May 2011
  • Currently 4.03/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (29)

Hillary goes to heaven

Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says "Hillary, I know you're 'somebody' down on Earth, but up here, you're just another person. And, I'm swamped right now, so have a seat and I'll get back with you as soon as I can."

So Hillary sits down and begins looking at her surroundings. She notices a huge wall that extends as far as the eye can see. And on that wall there are millions and millions of clocks. She can't help notice that on occasion some of the clocks jump ahead fifteen minutes.

When St. Peter returns she asks "What's the deal with the clocks?"

St. Peter replies "There is a clock on the wall for every married man on Earth."

Hillary asks, "Well what does it mean when the clock jumps ahead 15 minutes?"

St. Peter replies, "That means that the man that belongs to that clock has just committed adultery."

Hillary asks, "Well, is my husband's clock on the wall?"

St. Peter replies, "Of course not. God has it in his office and is using it for an electric fan."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 May 2012
  • Currently 4.81/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (16)

The phrase "dead ringer" refer...

The phrase "dead ringer" refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 May 2011
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (14)

Jordan Rubin: German Porno

I got a German porno movie the other day. It has subtitles, which is great cause, otherwise, I would have had no idea what was going on.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 May 2012
  • Currently 4.43/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (14)

Tennis lesson

A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says "OK, just grip it like you do your husband's member".

After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line. The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the racket out of your mouth."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 May 2011
  • Currently 4.23/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (13)

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