Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 29 July 2014
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Prosek: 4.2/10 (313 votes )

What do you give a deaf fisher...

What do you give a deaf fisherman? A herring aid.
Joke | Source : Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

“Tubeless is a produc...

“Tubeless is a product of tireless effort!”
Joke | Source : Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.

Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Helping your father

A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

"You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."

"No thanks," said the young man.

"My father wouldn't like it."

"Don't be silly," the minister said.

"Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water."

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!"
W stylu retro
"Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the load of hay."
Joke | Source : Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Efficiency Expert

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home."

"Why?" asked somebody from the audience.

"I watched my wife's routine at dinner for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.

One day I told her, 'Honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'

"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.

"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner.

Now I do it in ten..."

Joke | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day

Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast)

 Business One-liners 67


If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be enough.


If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.


If reproducibility might be a problem, conduct the test only once.


If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.


If something is confidential, it will be left in the photocopy machine.


If something is done wrong often enough, it becomes right.


If 'success' consisted simply of not taking chances, then 'glory' would be at the disposal of the most mediocre talent.


If the assumptions are wrong, the conclusions are not likely to be very good.


If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.


If the probability of success is not almost one, it is very near zero.






Joke | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.

Rating: 4.5/10 (4 votes cast)

Funny Photo of the day - Art on the beach

Permlink Art on the beach | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Cannibals and Politicians

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...
Broiled Missionary: \\$25.00
Fried Explorer: \\$35.00
Baked Politician: \\$100.00.
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked , "Why such a price difference for the politician?"
The cook replied "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?"

Joke | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Cristela Alonzo: Strippers in Med School

I meet a lot of strippers, and they always say the same thing: Im paying my way through medical school. Now, if thats the truth, why is that you never meet a doctor that used to be a stripper? Youd think theyd be everywhere.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 July 2012

Rating: 4.0/10 (17 votes cast)

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 2402 using numbers [2, 4, 3, 5, 73, 637] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Unheavenly blessed

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them in the trash."
The second nun said, " Well, I can top that, I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!"
"Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.
The third nun said, "Oh shit!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 July 2011

Rating: 4.6/10 (17 votes cast)

Pipe Organ

A local church built a new sanctuary. They moved their very
fine old pipe organ from to the new sanctuary. It was an
intricate task that was completed successfully.
The local news heralded . . . "St. Paul Completes Organ
Transplant."
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 July 2012

Rating: 2.9/10 (9 votes cast)

Behave like a rabbit

Mari was telling her girlfriend Rosie about the gent she met on a trip to Vegas.
"He took me to his condo overlooking the strip in Vegas, we had some wine and then he showed me all these expensive jewels.
There was an emerald cut diamond of at least five carats, a tennis bracelet of six carats, and even a wrist watch with eleven carats."
"Impressive." said Rosie.
"Well... yes." Mari agreed. "But the downside was that with all those carats, he expected me to behave like a rabbit."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 July 2013

Rating: 3.5/10 (2 votes cast)

 Funny Humor About The Irish


This is a true story of the late Irish author Brendan Behan who one night collapsed in a diabetic coma in a Dublin street. It was at a time when he was at the height of his drunken notoriety and passes-by naturally thought he was dead drunk. They took him to the nearby surgery of one of Dublin's most fashionable and respected doctors. The doctor decided to take a cardiograph and, somewhat nervous of his patient, thought to humor him. He explained the workings of the cardiograph needle as it registered the faint heartbeats of the very sick and semiconscious Brendan.


"That needle there is writing down your pulses, Mr. Behan, and I suppose, in its own way, it is probably the most important thing you have ever written."


To which Behan replied: "Aye, and it's straight from me heart, too."


Shamrock

Three old ladies met on the street on a very stormy day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty in hearing each other.


"It's windy," said one.


"No, it's Thursday," said the next.


"So am I," said the third. "Let's go and have a drink!"






Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 July 2011

Rating: 3.1/10 (15 votes cast)

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