Jokes of the day for Monday, 01 September 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 01 September 2014
Rate this page:

Prosek: 5/10 (1 votes )

Police arrested two kids yeste...

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
Joke | Source : Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Month August 2014

Best Fails of the Month August 2014 link to page video is posted initially

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

“When his wife demand...

“When his wife demanded that he give up polo, he decided to chukker.”
Joke | Source : Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

The Post Turtle

While suturing up a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand had been caught in the gate while working his cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Hone Hawariwa and how he got to be an MP.
The  old farmer said, "Well, ya know, Hone is just a Post Tortoise."

Now not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked,

What's a "Post Tortoise?"

The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a  country road and you come across a fence post with a Tortoise balanced on top, that's a post Tortoise."

http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5058/5458305028_545352daea.jpg
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he sure as hell isn't goin' anywhere, and you just wonder what prick put him there in the first place."
Joke | Source : Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

All too rarely, airline attend...

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture", and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or
reported:

1. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant
crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached
cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for
your comfort, and to enhance the appearance of your flight
attendants."

2. On landing the stewardess said, "There may be 50 ways to leave
your lover, but there are only 4 ways out off this airplane."

3. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella.
WHOA!"

4. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please
take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a
landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

5. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull
it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you,
secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with
more than one small child, pick your favorite."
Joke | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment

Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Doctor and patient...

Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on.

"I'm about to close," the surgeon says.

The patient grabs the surgeon's hand and says, "I'm not going to let you do that! I'll close my own incision!"

The doctor hands him the needle and thread and says, "Suture self."

Joke | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Funny Photo of the day - Paparazzi camera

Permlink Paparazzi camera | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

 Knock Knock Collection 134


Knock Knock

Who's there?

Nana!

Nana who?

Nana you business!



Knock Knock

Who's there?

Neal!

Neal who?

Neal and pray!



Knock Knock

Who's there?

Nebraska!

Nebraska who?

Nebraska girl for a date she might say yes!



Knock Knock

Who's there?

Nettie!

Nettie who?

Nettie as a fruitcake!



Knock Knock

Who's there?

Nevada!

Nevada who?

Nevada saw you look so bad, you should be bed!






Joke | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Non-Conformist

You can always tell a man who is a non-conformist, because
he looks just like every other non-conformist.
---Anon
Joke | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 1074 using numbers [4, 4, 7, 4, 21, 995] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Snake Bite

I hope I'm not poisonous, says the first snake.

"Why?" asks the second snake.

"Because I just bit my lip."
Joke | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Donald Glover: We Get It

Its kind of redundant -- have a black dude wearing an Obama shirt. Everybodys like, Yeah, we know. You like Obama; we get it. Its just like, I would do the same thing. I realize that its kind of redundant. I dont go up to white people wearing Coldplay shirts. You like Coldplay? For how long? Forever?
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 September 2011

Rating: 4.8/10 (12 votes cast)

Sean Patton: Tighten Your Budget

If my penis were, say, an annual salary: \\$47,000 a year with dental. Thats pretty good. \\$47,000 -- plenty, ladies, if you just, uh, tighten up your budget. Have a tight budget. Dont just have a loose skanky ass budget.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 September 2012

Rating: 3.3/10 (3 votes cast)

Britney and Christina Work Together

Britney Spears and Christina Aguliera were building a barn. While putting up the inside wall, Britney noticed that Christina was tossing every other nail into the garbage can.
Britney asked Christina, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
Christina said, "The pointed end is on the wrong end of the nail."
Britney said, "Well, don't throw those away, we can use those on the outside wall!"
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 September 2013

Rating: 5.4/10 (7 votes cast)

Email of the species

The email of the species is more deadly than the mail.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 September 2011

Rating: 3.5/10 (12 votes cast)

Grocery bag

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.... the other is used to carry groceries.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 September 2012

Rating: 5.8/10 (4 votes cast)

PREVIOUS PAGE
NEXT PAGE
NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.

Jokes partners

  • Free GPS tracking service for mobile devices that allows you to track any cell phone with built-in GPS (or with Bluetooth GPS receiver) in real time - partner of the jokes of the day
  • All day jokes funny selection of jokes
  • Travel Photos Of Places - collection of photos from all around the world - frend of the jokes of the day

Jokes Archive

Follow jokes of the day on social networks