Jokes of the day for Friday, 22 August 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 22 August 2014
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Prosek: 4.2/10 (319 votes )

Q: Why did the skeleton cross ...

Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop.
Joke | Source : Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day

Rating: 3.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Funny video of the day - Accident Funny Clips - HOT 2014

Accident Funny Clips - HOT 2014 link to page video is posted initially

Rating: 4.5/10 (2 votes cast)

“Hemlock is a special...

“Hemlock is a special attachment on a sewing machine.”
Joke | Source : Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Seven days to live

Doctor: "I've got some bad news and some really bad news. The bad news is you only have a week to live."
Patient: "What could be worse news than that?"
Doctor Walter Mnkwema of ALMC Hospital in Arusha shows the health management system that he works with
Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you for the last 6 days."
Joke | Source : Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily

Rating: 5.6/10 (8 votes cast)

Ah! Yes, love is blind, and ma...

Ah! Yes, love is blind, and marriage is and eye opener!
Joke | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment

Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Phone service...

Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of long distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI, and Sprint.

"I've found CTC to be the cheapest plan around," offered one.

"CTC? Who are they?"

"You know," he responded. "Call Them Collect."

Joke | Source : - Pacific products joke of the day

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Funny Photo of the day - Ping-pong in the office

Permlink Ping-pong in the office | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor

Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast)

 Answering Machine Message 135

Hi, you've reached 474-2340. Don, Kendy and Sylvia can't come to the phone right now because they've been kidnapped by aliens and replaced by android duplicates. You could leave your name and number at the tone, but I wouldn't -- you might be next! (evil laugh)

Joke | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.

Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Lay you or Jack off

Two managers are going over their budget for the next year.
After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane.
They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off.
Finally, one manager decides that they lay off the first person who gets up from their desk.
In the meantime, Jane is hard at work but suddenly gets a headache. She gets some aspirin from her desk drawer and gets up from her desk to get some water.
One of the managers gets up to break the bad news to Jane.
Manager: "Jane, I need to talk to you. I've got a problem. I either need to lay you or Jack off..."
Jane: "Well, Jack off. I've got a headache."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Joke | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker

Rating: 4.3/10 (4 votes cast)

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 876 using numbers [9, 9, 5, 5, 10, 781] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

After-School Snack

Q: Why did the boy eat his homework? A: His teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Joke | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.

Rating: 3.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Kevin Hart: No Longer Safe

Ever argue with a female and, in the middle of the argument, you no longer feel safe because of her actions? She may start pacing back and forth real fast, breathing out her nose. You know what my girl do? When she get mad, she start talking in the third person. Thats scary as hell because thats her way of telling me that from this point on, she is not responsible for none of her actions.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 August 2011

Rating: 5.6/10 (25 votes cast)

Dana Gould: Whole Approach to Marriage

My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I wont say anything, and then, later, Ill die of cancer.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Rating: 5.2/10 (5 votes cast)

Face 2 Face

"Hey, how's your face feeling?"
"Fine. Why?"

"Because it's killing me!"

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 August 2013

Rating: 5.0/10 (6 votes cast)

Medical Emergency on the Golf Course

The husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when
she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please dear, I need
help." she said.
The husband ran off saying "I'll go get some help." A little
while later he returned, picked up his club and began to line
up his shot on the green.
His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said, "I'm
may be dying and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who
said he come and help."
"The second hole??? When in the hell is he coming???"
"Hey! I told ya not to worry." he said, practice stroking
his putt. "Everyone's already agreed to let him play through."
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 August 2011

Rating: 2.3/10 (8 votes cast)

Bagpipes Vs Javelin

Q. How is playing the bagpipes like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Rating: 4.0/10 (4 votes cast)

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