Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 25 February 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 25 February 2020
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

“This year in the toy

“This year in the toy department, drones are a big hit. They are literally flying off the shelves.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
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Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

The Whole Truth

The judge wanted to make sure the witness understood the solemnity of the occasion.
"Do you know what the word 'oath' means?" asks the judge.
"Sure do," says the witness. "Oath means if I swear to a lie, I gotta stick with it."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

On New Year's Eve, Ann stood

On New Year's Eve, Ann stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death.
#joke #newyear
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 01 January 2018
  • Currently 9.29/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (7)

 A Collection Of Insults


Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.
People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of.
Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!
We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.
The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.
You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it.
All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?
I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin.
No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be.
There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it.
Sit down and give your mind a rest.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 29 July 2017
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

1.) Never under any circumstan

1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2.) If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
3.) There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
4.) People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5.) And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
6.) You should not confuse your career with your life.
7.) No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
8.) When trouble arises & things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution & is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.
9.) Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10.) A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
11.) Never lick a steak knife.
12.) Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
13.) "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
14.) You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15.) Your REAL friends still love you anyway.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 October 2015
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Homework Help

Parents are expected to participate in their children’s education, and my friends were no exception. They gladly help their fifth-grade son, John, whenever he’s stumped. One day after school, John ran into the house waving a paper in the air. “Hey, Mom, great news! There were only three mistakes on my math homework,” he announced. “You made one, Dad made one and I made one!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 31 March 2011
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

Find number abc

If 4a5ab + 76ba4 = 1c64ac find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

A very shy guy goes into a bar

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 February 2019
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (59)

In Over Two Months

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife... she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."

Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over... women like that are hard to find."

#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 February 2019
  • Currently 9.07/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (44)

A Yogi Walked into a Pizza Parlor…

What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?
"Make me one with everything."
When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"
The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 February 2010
  • Currently 4.72/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (43)

Bank Robber Stealing


The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
LOS ANGELES TIMES, December 9:
A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money. The man had one hand in his pocket, as if holding a gun, so the teller began handing over the contents of her cash drawer.
When she had forked over $7,000 the robber said, "That's enough" and walked out the door. It's hard to find a bank robber who knows when he's had enough.

#joke #december
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 February 2010
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (41)

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