A friend just got back from a
A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kindof story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions wereperfect, 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over,"tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.One of the women in the group complained to her husband that shewas in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that hewas sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the formof a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, ofcourse, and the pain did not go away.
If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you knowthat a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. So, withtime running out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband,picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since shewas wearing an all white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods. Noone would even notice, he assured her. The white would provide more thanadequate camouflage.So she headed for the tree line, began disrobingand proceeded to do her thing.
If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there isa right way and a wrong way to "set" your skis so you don't move.Yup, you got it. She had them positioned the wrong way. Steep slopes are notforgiving, even during embarrassing moments. Without warning, the woman foundherself skiing backward, out of control, racing through the trees,somehow missing all of them, and onto another slope. Her derriereand the reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her knees,and she was picking up speed all the while. She continued on backward,totally out of control, creating an unusual vista for other skiers.The woman skied, if you define that verb loosely, back under thelift, and finally collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was thatshe broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants. At long lasther husband arrived, put an end to her nudie show, then went to the baseof the mountain and summoned the ski patrol, who transported her tothe hospital.
In the emergency room she was regrouping when a man with anobviously broken leg was put in the bed next to hers. "So, how'd youbreak your leg?" she asked, making small talk.
"It was the damnest thing you ever saw," he said. "I was riding upthe ski lift, and suddenly I couldn't believe my eyes. There wasthis crazy woman skiing backward out of control down the mountain withher bare bottom hanging out of her clothes, and her pants downaround her knees. I leaned over to get a better look and I guess Ididn't realize how far I'd moved. I fell out of the lift.
So how'd you break your arm?"
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