Jokes of the day for Thursday, 03 July 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 03 July 2008
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (269)

The Rabbi in The confession...

The Rabbi in The confession booth

A priest and a rabbi were talking when the rabbi asked the priest about confession.

"I have an idea," said the priest. Why don't you sit with me on my side of the confession booth and hear it for yourself? No one will ever know.

A woman came into the booth and said, Bless me Father for I have sinned.
The priest asked, "What did you do?"
"I cheated on my husband."
"How many times?"
"Three times."
"Well," said the priest, "Say 5 Hail Marys and put 5 dollars in the offering box."

Another woman came and said, "Bless me Father for I have sinned."

The priest asked, "What did you do?"
"I cheated on my husband."
"How many times?"
"Three times."
Again the priest said, "Say 5 Hail Marys and put 5 dollars in the offering box."

Then the priest said to the rabbi, "would you like to do the next confession?"

The rabbi started to object, but the priest said, "Go ahead. It's easy."
So another woman came in and said, "Bless me Father for I have sinned."
This time the rabbi asked, "What did you do?"
"I cheated on my husband."
"How many times?"
The woman said, "Twice."
Then the rabbi said, "Well go do it again. They're 3 for 5 dollars today."

#joke
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

A father is sitting in his cha...

A father is sitting in his chair watching t.v. when all of a sudden his 9 year old son comes running through the house.

The boy runs into the kithchen grabs a handful of m&m's pops them in his mouth runs back through the livingroom grabs the cat, bites the cat and runs out the door.

The father sits there dumbfounded and wonders what his son is doing. Well a few minutes later the boy runs back in the house and does the same exact thing.

He runs into the kithchen,grabs a handful of m&m's pops them in his mouth then runs into the livingroom grabs the cat, bites him and runs out the door.

Now the father is REALLY curious about what his son is doing so the next time he comes in he was just going to have to ask.

Well sure enough a few minutes later here comes his son running into the house to the kitchen grabs a handful of the m&m's runs into the livingroom grabs the cat and bites him and when he went to run out the door his father stops him and says, "son what in the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing." says his son.

"Then why are you running into the kitchen grabbing a handful of m&m's popping them in your mouth then running in here grabbing the cat and biting him then taking off out the door?"

The boy replies," I'm practicing on being a biker like you daddy... popping pills, eating pussy and runnin'!!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (8)

The test...

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company.

They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions.

The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant."

"And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.

"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the Department manager.

"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.

"Simple," said the Department manager, "Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (7)

"How's the mouth? asked the de...

"How's the mouth? asked the dentist, when Mr McDonald came for his check up.
"Oh, she is away seeing her sister," he replied.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

One day The Lord spoke t...

One day The Lord spoke to Adam. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said.

Adam looked at The Lord and replied, "Well, give me the good news first."

Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you, one is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time."

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

I want to die peacefully in my...

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

Find number abc

If ab5cb - ab499 = 8 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Corn Field

A blond is driving in her convertable down the high way when she notieces another blond in a boat out in the middle of a corn field. The blond in the boat was roawing the boat. The blond was very frustrated at how stupid the blond in the car was being so she pulled over and got out of the car. She yelled across the hightway, " HEY YOU IN THE BOAT! I'M TALKING TO YOU!" The blond in the boat turned and waved and continued roawing the boat. The blond across the street yelled out again ,"IT'S BLONDS LIKE YOU THAT GIVE US A BAD NAME AND I'D COME GET YOU IF I COULD SWIM!!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Speechee

Seated next to a blowhard at a United Nations dinner was an

Oriental fellow dressed in the robes of one of the Far

Eastern countries. The blowhard, attempting to make

conversation, leaned over and said: "You like soupee?"

The Oriental fellow nodded his head.

"You like steakee?"

The Oriental nodded again.

As it turned out, the guest speaker at the dinner was our

Oriental friend who got up and delivered a beautiful

50-minute address on the United Nations' definition of

"encouragement to self-reliance" by underdeveloped countries

of the world. The speech was flawless in Oxford English.

He returned to his place at the head of the table, sat down,

and turned to his dinner partner and said, "You like

speechee?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (8)

How Many Blonde Jokes...

Q: How many blonde jokes are there?

A: One. The rest are all true stories.

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (5)

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