Jokes of the day for Sunday, 09 November 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 09 November 2008
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (75)

To My Bank

Dear Sirs, To My Bank

Dear Sirs,

In view of what seems to be happening internationally with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you could advise me. If one of my checks is returned marked “insufficient funds,” how do I know whether that refers to me or to you?

Sincerely,

#joke

Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

At a party, a guy approached a...

At a party, a guy approached a girl and whispered something in her ear.

"You filthy pervert!!" she shrieked. "What makes you think I'd let you do a thing like that to me?"

Then her eyes narrowed and she said, "Unless you're the son-of-a-bitch that stole my diary!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 4.73/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (11)

Is There a Doctor in the House?

The wife of a Las Vegas doctor telephoned a local casino and asked to have her husband paged.

"Sorry, Madam," came the reply, "but the house does not make doctor calls."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

The Effects of Sex

...

The Effects of Sex

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special runners.

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

Patient: Doctor, will I be abl...

Patient: Doctor, will I be able to read after I get eyeglasses? Doctor: Yes, certainly! Patient: That's great! I've been illiterate all my life!
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Pick A Starting Salary


Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The candidate said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"

And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it."





#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

What a winning combination?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The Fishing Trip

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation... She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

Milking it

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.

The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.

"Breast fed," the woman replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.

Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk."

"I know,"she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.80/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (5)

A ham sandwich goes into a pub...

A ham sandwich goes into a pub and says, "Barman I need a drink"; and the barman says "Sorry, we don't serve food here"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (8)

The doct...

The doctor entered the room and advised his patient that a brain transplant was the only remedy.

"Fortunately" he continued, "this hospital has perfected the procedure,
however, it is not yet available on the National Health and you will
therefore have to pay.

We have two brains in stock at the moment, a female brain costing £30,000 and a male brain at £100,000"

"Why is the male brain so expensive?" asked the patient.

"Oh, that's easy, male brains are hardly used."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 July 2008
  • Currently 4.94/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (33)

Corollaries to Murphy's Law...

Corollaries to Murphy's Law
  • Nothing is as easy as it looks.
  • Everything takes longer than you think.
  • Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
  • If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most severe damage will be the one to go wrong.
  • Every solution breeds new problems.
  • It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 05 July 2008
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Rating: 5.3/10 (6)

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