Jokes of the day for Monday, 22 December 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 22 December 2008
  • Currently 9.61/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (119)

A man and his son were standin...

A man and his son were standing in line at the bank. In front of them was a very large woman. The boy tugged on his father's pant leg and said "My God dad, she's really fat".

"Be quiet and don't embarrass me" replied the father.

Then all of a sudden the woman's pager goes off and the boy furiously pulls at his father and says, "DADDY! WATCH OUT! SHE'S BACKING UP!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (8)

A broom wedding...

Two brooms were hanging in the closet, and after they got to know each other a bit, decided to get married.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely and attended by all the push brooms and dust mops.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and whispered to the groom broom, "We're soon going to have a little whisk broom!"

"Impossible!" said the groom broom, indignantly. "We haven't even swept together yet!!!"

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Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

Where does Father Christmas go...

Where does Father Christmas go to try and get fit?
An elf farm

Tony White, Loanhead
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 39 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

A Very Bad Day

T...

A Very Bad Day

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

Fortune cookie saying #27: Har...

Fortune cookie saying #27: Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (2)

Lightbulb Joke Collection 40

Q: How many body builders/weightlifters does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: 6. One to change it and 5 to say "Man, you've got huge muscles !"


Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.


Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, but one is enough to screw up the joke.


Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Duh.... whats a lightbulb???


Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: It depends how many blondes there are, but some people prefer it with the lights off.


Q: How many poltergeists does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Three. One to unscrew the old bulb and drop it on the floor, one to put the new bulb in, and one to move a few more things about just for good measure.


Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: There is nothing to change.


Q: How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Sod it, we're all gonna die anyway.





#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (8)

Find number abc

If 75849 + 856ac = b6b479 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Like a Bull!

A man and his wife were on a train passing through farm country. As the train slowed down they saw a bull mounting one cow after another. The wife turned to her husband and remonstrated.

"Why aren't you men capable of doing things that way?"

"My dear," he answered, "we can if you let us change cows each time!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

A manager brings a dog ...

A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work.
The dog is a brilliant piano player.  He plays all the
standards.  He's sitting there, pounding out the tunes,
when all of a sudden, a big dog comes in and drags him
out.  The nightclub owner asks, “What happened?”

The manager says,
“That's his mother.  She wants him to be a doctor.”

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 4.97/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (31)

A priest and a rabbi operated ...

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it" the priest replied.

The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue. He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.

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Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 September 2008
  • Currently 6.60/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (5)

TEN GOO...

TEN GOOD EXCUSES FOR FALLING ASLEEP AT YOUR DESK:

"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

"I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."

"I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

"Amen"

"This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."

"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"

"I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."

"This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

"Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

"Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 August 2008
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (8)

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