JOKES OF THE DAY

The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink." The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you

tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because 'It really satisfies'."

The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a

beer,"Hey bud, what's the name of yours?" The man looks back and says, with a smile "TIMEX." The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!"

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call yours?" The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because Quality is Job One." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me a beer." The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?" The cowboy says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR WOMAN!"

- Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.

- A man would no longer be considered a 'good catch' simply because he is breathing.

- Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.

- Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity.

- 'Ms.' Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.

- Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.

- Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.

- Little girls would read 'Snow White and the Seven Hunks.'

- Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas.

- Men would HAVE to get Playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures.

- Men would learn phrases like:'I'm sorry,' 'I love you,' 'You're beautiful,' 'Of course you don't look fat in that outfit.'

- Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments.

- Men would pay as much attention to their woman as to their car.

- All toilet seats would be nailed down.

- Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.

- TV news segments on sports would never run longer than 1 minute.

- All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator.

- During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19-year-olds.

- Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.

- After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot.

- For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year old for six weeks.

An old-time pastor was riding furiously down the road, hurrying to get to church on time. Suddenly, his horse stumbled and threw him to the ground.

Lying in the dirt, his body wracked with pain, the pastor called out, “All you angels in heaven, help me get up on my horse!”

With extraordinary strength, he leaped onto the horse’s back—and fell off the other side.

From the ground again, he called out, “All right, just half of you angels this time!”



From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.