Jokes of the day for Monday, 15 March 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 15 March 2010
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (60)

Finishing my classics PhD was ...

Finishing my classics PhD was like escaping from a labyrinth. Luckily, my supervisor was an expert on ancient Greek mythology. It was like theses and the mentor.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

A juggler, driving to his next...

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
“What are those knives doing in your car? Asked the officer.
“I use them in my juggling act,” says the juggler.
“Oh yeah?” “Let’s see you do it.” Says the policeman.
So the man starts tossing and juggling the knives.
A guy driving by sees this and says, “Wow, am I glad I stopped
Drinking. Look at the test they’re making you do now!”
#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (10)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Monday, 15 March 2010

Funny video of the day Monday, 15 March 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (6)

Q: What is the difference betw...

Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
A: Lipstick
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (6)

Big People Words

A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk. "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them.
She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend?
"I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!"
She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
"I took a ride on a choo-choo."
She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use Big People' words."
She then asked little Alex what he had done.
"I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"
Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, "Winnie the SH*T."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (8)

Funny Photo of the day - Hybrid Bike

Hybrid Bike | Source : Picture is unrelated - WTF Pictures and WTF videos
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (7)

A man was in a crowded elevato...

A man was in a crowded elevator when he accidentally jabbed a young lady in the chest with his elbow. He liked what he felt, so he said to her, "If the rest of you is as terrific as your tits, I'd love to screw the daylights out of you."

Without missing a beat, she said to him, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, come to room 402."
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (6)

Natasha Leggero: Going Home to Illinois

I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time Im home? And my mother said, You used to talk like that, too, Tasha. And I said, Yes, but you see, Ive reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

Guess the name of musician

Look carefully negative image and guess the name of musician.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Put your money where your mouth is....

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the young man bragged replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (3)

Answering Machine Message 78


Thank you for phoning the Save the Sasquatch Hotline. Our operators do not exist at the moment, but if you wish to make a contribution, please leave your name, number, and the amount of your bequest at the sound of the beep, and something will get back to you shortly. Your help will enable us to bring these delightful creatures back from the brink of fantasy and find them suitable positions in the forest product industry. Your gift is, of course, reality deductible. Thank you again, and have a nice day.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

Lawyer One Liners #4

** What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.

** What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

Police officer pulled this ...

Police officer pulled this guy over for speeding and told him that his eyes were bloodshot, and asked him if he'd been drinking. The guy said "Your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 19 December 2009
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (51)

Confucius Say...Part 2

Confucius Say: "Man who drive like hell bound to get there."
Confucius Say: "Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement."
Confucius Say: "Women who put detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy!"
Confucius Say: "Never argue with fool...he may be doing the same thing."
Confucius Say: "Best time to buy new mattress, at first sign of spring."
Confucius Say: "Adults are just wrinkled kids who owe money."
Confucius Say: "An old grave digger is called an Elderberry."
Confucius Say: "People who have gift of gab, not know how to wrap it up."
Confucius Say: "Time flies like arrow. Fruit flies like bananas."
Confucius Say: "A man who sits on tack gets point and will surely rise."
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Jalus

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 December 2009
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

Circle of flies....

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

The farmer said, 'Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?' The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, 'Well yeah, if that's what they are, but I never heard of circle flies.'

So the farmer says, 'Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.'

The trooper says, 'Oh,' and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, 'Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?'

The farmer says, 'Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass.'

The trooper says, 'Well, that's a good thing,' and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer says, 'Hard to fool them flies though...'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 March 2009
  • Currently 6.74/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (23)

A sad-faced Doug walked into a...

A sad-faced Doug walked into a flower shop early one morning.
The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Doug's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Doug asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary.
"And what day will that be?" the clerk asked.
Glumly he replied, "Yesterday".
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 March 2009
  • Currently 5.30/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (10)

Two dumb fishermen decided to ...

Two dumb fishermen decided to rent a boat on a lake. After fishing for hours at various spots and catching nothing, they decided to try one more time before calling it quits. Suddenly, fish started biting and they caught their limit inside of 20 minutes.

"Hey, we should mark this spot so next time we'll know where to fish," the first man told his buddy.

"Good idea," the second man replied, taking out a can of spray paint and making a large X on the floor of the boat.

"Why'd you do that?" his friend asked.

"Now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 March 2009
  • Currently 6.60/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (5)

There is a man who has three g...

There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it. The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 March 2009
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

Genuine Complaint to Edinburgh Police

Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answering service
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 March 2009
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

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