Jokes of the day for Saturday, 30 October 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 30 October 2010
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AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:...

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

A pilot landed a plane with a ...

A pilot landed a plane with a rather bumpy landing. As part of his job he was required to stand by the terminal door and say goodbye to the passengers as they exited the airplane. He was afraid that someone might say something about his rather less than perfect landing, but everyone left without saying a word except for one passenger, an elderly lady, she slowly approached the pilot after most passengers had exited the plane and asked, "Did we land? Or were we shot down?"
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
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Rating: 3.8/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Saturday, 30 October 2010

Funny video of the day Saturday, 30 October 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
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Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

T.G.I.F.

A Blonde goes over to her friend's house Wearing a T.G.I.F. T-shirt.
'Why are you wearing a Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?'
'Oh crap!' the blonde says. 'I didn't Realize it was a religious T-shirt. I thought it meant Tits Go In Front'
#joke #short #blonde #friday #monday
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (5)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons...For You are Crunchy and Taste Good With Ketchup."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - This Makes a Lot of Sense

This Makes a Lot of Sense | Source : Jokes photos - Used to be - WTF Pictures and WTF videos - but site no longer exists
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (9)

Then and Now concerns for people of the baby boom generation.

Then: Long hair.
Now: Longing for hair.

Then: Keg
Now: EKG.

Then: Acid rock
Now: Acid reflux.

Then: Moving to California because it's cool.
Now: Moving to California because it's hot.

Then: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
Now: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your kids.

Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

Then: Our president's struggle with Fidel.
Now: Our president's struggle with fidelity.

Then: The Grateful Dead.
Now: Dr. Kevorkian.

Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
Now: Getting a new hip joint.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
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The Customs Of An Irishman


An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."

#joke #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
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Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

You can drop me from the hig...

You can drop me from the highest building and I'll be fine. But drop me in water and I will die. What am I?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Bad breath

What do you call a bleached blonde standing on her head?

A brunette with bad breath!

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by yisman

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (8)

Mike DeStefano: Comedian Resume

I was performing at a comedy club and a guy comes up to me after the show with his card. He says, Hey I saw your show, it was fantastic. Do you have a resume? I said, Does it look like I have a f**king resume? I curse at people who dont have a funny friend to hang out with. Do you want me to put that on a letterhead?
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (10)

When I was 14, all I wanted wa...

When I was 14, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts.

When I was 16, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that, I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

At 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me miserable as often as she made me happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

Now I am 42, and all I want is a girl with big tits.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 April 2010
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Rating: 2.4/10 (5)

In Sydney she was Rhonda
Sh...

In Sydney she was Rhonda
She was Patsy out in Perth
In Brisbane she was Brenda,
The sweetest girl on earth.
In Wagga she was Wendy
The pick of all the bunch,
But down on his expenses
She was petrol, oil and lunch.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 December 2009
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (5)

There was a beautiful young bl...

There was a beautiful young blonde at a soda machine in Vegas, and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man, who'd been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up. "Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?"
She looked at him and indignantly asked, "Well Duh! Can't you see I'm still winning?"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 November 2009
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Rating: 5.3/10 (41)

Q. Why is it so hard for women...

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
A. Because those men already have boyfriends.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 October 2009
  • Currently 4.79/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (56)

leather jacket

What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?

A rebel without a clue!

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 October 2008
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Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

A man visiting a graveyard saw...

A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: “Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man.”
“How about that!” he exclaimed. “They’ve got three people buried in one grave.”
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 October 2009
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Lightbulb...Californians

How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Californians don't screw in light bulbs they screw in hot tubs.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 October 2008
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (7)

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVER...

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.

Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

20 kilos

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?

Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?

They named him "Sum Ting Wong

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China?

No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

#joke #blonde #friday #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 October 2008
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Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

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