Jokes of the day for Monday, 02 January 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 02 January 2012
  • Currently 9.51/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (84)

Happy Thanksgiving Check out our latest Thanksgiving jokes and quotes on: Thanksgiving jokes collection

Really funny jokes-Taking pictures

The leading couple of this joke consists of a husband and a wife. The wife has just taken a shower and comes out wrapped in a towel, still shy being newly wed.
"Well, I've seen you naked. You don't need that towel," says the husband.
"I just feel more comfortable this way," the wife responds.
"But I want to take a picture of you in a natural state," continues the husband.
The wife gets suspicious and asks what the husband would do with the photo. "I'll put in in my wallet and keep it close to my heart all the time," he responds, and gets his picture then heading for shower himself. He returns clean but also wrapped in a towel.
"Why are you wearing that towel now - I want a photo of you in return," demands the wife. The Husband does as he's told, the photo's taken and they check the result in their digital camera.
"What will you do with this photo of me, then?" asks the husband.
The wife takes a good look at her husband, then the photo, then husband again. "I'll have it enlarged," she finally responds.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.64/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (11)

Q: How many politicians ...

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We don't know. They're still arguing about it.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - Tank-Tracked Truck

Tank-Tracked Truck - We will not escape from rednecks now. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Marriage Problems

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up.

The judge asked the husband, “What has brought you to this point, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?”

The husband said, “In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing.”

The wife said, “Seven weeks.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (24)

Chuck Norris once tried to def...

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (10)

What's that smell? ro...

What's that smell? Eurozone.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

A seven-year-old girl barges i...

A seven-year-old girl barges into the bathroom where her father is having a shower.

"Daddy, daddy, what's that", she said pointing at his genitalia.

"Oh, uhhmm, it's a... hedgehog!", he embarrassingly replied.

"Well, it's got a hell of a big dick", she snapped back.
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Find the right combination

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Sunbathing...

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned woman, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.14/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (7)

T-G-I-F

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F" (letters only).

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T" (letters only)."

She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"

The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

Submitted by Glaci

Edited by Curtis

#joke #blonde #friday
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.42/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (12)

Whitney Cummings: Naked Photo Texts

I have girlfriends who will text message naked photos of themselves to their man. Which, I guess the whole point of that is, to be like, Heres whats waiting for you at home, big boy. If I was to do a heres whats waiting for you at home photo shoot, I would take some pictures of the frigging dishes, the bills right now. My vaginas not waiting for you at home at all.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.70/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (47)


Q: What does every woman ...


Q: What does every woman call an intelligent, attractive, caring, loving and sensitive man?
A: A dream.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 May 2010
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (7)

A chicken and an egg are lying...

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off.
The egg mutters, to no one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 November 2009
  • Currently 4.19/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (57)

Moses on His Walkie Talkie

Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.
"When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.
"Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 March 2009
  • Currently 4.93/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (42)

A businessman boarded a fli...

A businessman boarded a flight and was lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman...... They exchange brief hellos and he noticed she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replied, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 January 2010
  • Currently 5.36/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (59)

What sort of television progra...

What sort of television programmes do ducks like?
Duckumentaries
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 January 2010
  • Currently 4.32/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (22)

Working On The Road #joke

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.
"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"
"Well, we work for the county government, " one of the men said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's money?"
"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back."
"Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 January 2010
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (15)

Baby Light

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor: "Do ya think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 January 2010
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (12)

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