Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 23 July 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 23 July 2013
  • Currently 9.61/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (49)

God is....

My little son Ronnie is imaginative and like all 6-year-olds, has a lot of questions to ask.

The other day, he asked me, "Mom, is God a male or a female?"

I couldn't think of a better answer, so I replied "God is both."

He immediately shot the next question, "Is God black or white?"

I replied again, "Both."

He returned after a while and declared, "I found out who God is. God is Michael Jackson!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (6)

“'Because' is a word ...

“'Because' is a word to the whys.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - ANIMALS ARE AWESOME 2013

ANIMALS ARE AWESOME 2013 - Animals doing awesome stuff - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (9)

A lady sitting at home got a p...

A lady sitting at home got a phone call. She answered it; a strange sounding man said, "This is the Viper. I am coming." the lady was frightened. 5 minutes later she got another phone call the same man replied" This is the Viper. I am almost there." The lady was terrified. Another 5 minutes later the phone range again. It was the same man. He said, " I am coming up now." The lady was so scared she called the police. Before the police got there, a man walked in the door with a bucket of water and a window wiper. The man said " I'm the Viper I vome to vipe your vindows!"
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (5)

Dear John...

The soldier serving overseas, far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying:

"Regret cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - pulling stand with motorbike

pulling stand with motorbike - I guess there is no easier way to do this | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.30/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (10)

Arguing About The Sign


A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic.
What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection.
The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away.
Policeman: "License, registration and proof of insurance please."
Driver: "Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for, man."
Policeman: "Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there!!"
Driver: "Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference!?!"
The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders.
Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!?

#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

Question and answer blond jokes

Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven?

A: She didn't know what number came first.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?

A: Divorced.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?

A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?

A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?

A: The cow fell on her.

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?

A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: Why did it take the blonde seven days to drive from St. Louis to Chicago?

A: She kept seeing signs that read "stop clean bathroom".

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Find the right combination

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Cross the Road... Forgetful Chicken

Q: Why did the forgetful chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side -- er, no -- to go shopping -- no, not that either -- damn it.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (10)

200 Bucks

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell.
The wife answers the door.
"Hi, is Tony home?"
"No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
"No come in."
They sit down and the friend says, "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Sara thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a 100 bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says, "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara thinks about this and says what the hell opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her and throws another 100 bucks on the table then says he can't wait any longer for Tony and leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know, your weird friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about this for a second and says, "Well, did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.64/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (11)

Some magicians can walk on wat...

Some magicians can walk on water. Chuck Norris can swim through land.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 26 August 2012
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (5)

10 Things You Never Hear in Church

1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew!
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.6. Forget the denominational minimum salary. Let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 July 2012
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (32)

10 Things You Never Hear in Church

1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew!
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.6. Forget the denominational minimum salary. Let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 July 2012
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (32)

Redneck quickies 2

You might be a redneck if...

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

Your Christmas tree is still up in February.

You've ever been arrested for loitering.

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 July 2011
  • Currently 3.71/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (28)

Stop Credit Card Fraud


The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Many folks have written with perfectly plausible explanations about why merchants take my phone number on a credit card charge. What these fail to address, however, is that if I'm perpetrating a fraud in the use of this credit card, I'm not about to give out a correct phone number. They make no effort to validate the phone number before I leave, so what they're doing is collecting the phone numbers of a bunch of honest people.
Now then... Why are they collecting the phone numbers of a bunch of honest people?
I once asked why you are asked for your phone number when using your charge cards. The clerk explained that theives have been caught because they stupidly put down THEIR home phone number, not the phone number of the person who "owned" the card.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 July 2011
  • Currently 3.08/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (25)

Buddhist Vacuum

Q: Why can't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: No attachments.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Barrybear47

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 23 July 2010
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (24)

Supersex

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.

As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 July 2012
  • Currently 2.95/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (20)

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