Jokes of the day for Sunday, 12 January 2014
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 12 January 2014 |
Very funny jokes-Habits
The bride instead of getting upset, said brightly, "I knew it! When our horoscopes matched, I was sure our habits would also match!!"
The hearing aid...
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
Sounds Of The Wild
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Child: "Moo!"
Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"
Child: "Meow."
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."
Toilet Paper
Whats dumb? Instructions on toilet paper.Whats dumber than that? reading them.
Whats even dumber? Reading them and learning something.
Dumbest of all? Reading them and having to correct something
you've been doing wrong.
The other day I held...
“The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.”
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon...
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.Church Bulletin Bloopers
A guy walks into a bar...........
A guy walks into a bar...........He orders a drink........... after a few.......... he must visit the john.
he does not want anyone to steal his drink. so he puts a sign on it. saying, , " I SPIT IN THIS BEER, DO NOT DRINK'.
after a few minutes he returns........... There is another sign next to his beer, saying, SO DID I.
The leading causes of death in...
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. CancerJo Koy: Three-Year-Old Son
Ive got a three-year-old son. Its like living with a crazy midget. Animal Super Bowl
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did," said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.
"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."
Church Bulletin Bloopers
I Own The Fastest Car
A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?".
The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000."
"That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure" replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, alright!"
Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320. Suddenly, the guy notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
Whhhoooooooooossssshhhhhh! Something whips by him! Going maybe three times as fast!
The guy wonders "what on earth could be going faster than my Turbo BeepBeeP?" Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him.
Whooooooooooosh! Goes by again! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped! Couldn't be thinks the guy. How could a moped outrun a Turbo BeepBeep? Again, he sees a dot in his rearview mirror!
WhoooooooshhhhhhhhKa-BbbbblaMMMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end.
The guy jumps out and discovers it is the old man! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. The guy runs up to the dying old man and asks "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man replies "Yeah. Unhook my suspenders from the side-view mirror on your car!"
Dwayne Kennedy: Christmas Shopping
I tried to go Christmas shopping last year, but I didnt have no money. I just went window-shopping with a brick.