Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 22 April 2014
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 22 April 2014 |
“Married hang man wer...
“Married hang man were the best at their job, they knew how to tie the knot.”
Play Your Age
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in ‘Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims,
“What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?”
A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests,
“I don't know… why don't you play your age?”
He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Thinking Maybe she'd won, he rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd.
The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned. He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?”
The operator replies, “I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!”
What are you doing this evening?
Rebecca said,"The Boss asked me what was I doing this evening."
The colleague asked, "So what did you say?"
Rebecca answered, "I said I was doing nothing. He gave me 50 pages to type!"
Q: How many men does it take t...
Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet paper roll?A: No one knows, it's never been done.
A Very Good Reason...
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek.
"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is, he replied.... "Breakfast."
Knock Knock Collection 070
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Frida!
Frida who?
Frida be!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Fruit!
Fruit who?
Fruit of the loom!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Gabe!
Gabe who!
Gabe it my all!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Gable!
Gable who!
Gable to leap buildings in a single bound!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Gabor!
Gabor who!
Gabor'n to shop!
Two dwarfs
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again ...ONE, TWO, THREE...UUH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"
The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get a hard on."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?"
"I couldn't even get on the f...ing bed!!!"
If paper beats rock, rock beat...
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.Chuck Norris doesn't bowl stri...
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.Blondes working on a house
Two blondes were working on a house. The onewho was nailing down siding would reach into
his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss
it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other,
figuring this was worth looking into, asked,
"Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first explained, "If I pull a nail out
of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw
it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed
toward the house, then I nail it in!"
The second blonde got completely upset and
yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward
you aren't defective! They're for the other side
of the house!"
Demetri Martin: Thought You Were Someone Else
I was walking down the street, and this guy waved to me. Then he came up to me and said, Im sorry, I thought you were someone else. I said, I am.Being black
It is hard being black.We get the bad end of the deal with every sport.
Hockey, you're slappin a black puck around.
Pool, you have a white ball trying to knock you in a hole.
The only thing we have is bowling, where you have a black ball trying to knock down ten rednecks.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
An Ideal Marriage
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
Sea monster and ship
“After eating the ship, the sea monster needed an Alka-Seltzer. He said, 'I can't believe I ate the hull thing.'”