Jokes of the day for Thursday, 16 February 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 16 February 2017
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (1734)

“Can a well-rounded i

“Can a well-rounded individual become flattered?”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Harry was stunned to come home

Harry was stunned to come home from work one evening and find his wife stuffing all her belongings into a suitcase.
"What on earth are you doing?" he cried.
"I can't stand it anymore!" she shrieked. "Thirty-two years we've been married, and all we do is bicker and quarrel and ignore each other. I'm leaving!"
Harry watched his wife close the suitcase, lug it down the stairs, and proceed to walk out of the house... out of his life.
Suddenly, he was galvanized into action. Running into the bedroom and grabbing a second suitcase, he yelled back at his wife, "Sylvia, you're right, you're absolutely right, and I can't bear it either. Wait a minute, and I'll go with you."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

Old Mrs. Pierpoint...

Worried that they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the apartment next door, the mother said to her son, "Tony, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Pierpoint is?"

A few minutes later, Tony returned.

"Well, is she all right?" asked the mother.

"She's fine, but she's rather annoyed with you," remarked Tony.

"At me?" the mother exclaimed. "Whatever for?"

Tony replied, "Mrs. Pierpoint said it's none of your business how old she is."

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

 Answering Machine Message 05


Drawling granny voice: Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage. Thanksh a lot.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Didn't You Get My e-Mail

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Passover Fish

how thirsty they were after walking so far. They were not able to drink from the walls of Red Sea water on either side since it was salt water.Then, a fish out of a wall of water told Moses that he and his family heard the complaints of the people. Through their own gills, they could remove the salt from the water and force it out of their mouths to become fresh water for the Israelites to drink.Moses accepted the fish's offer, but the fish and his family also had a demand: Their descendants had to be always present at the seder meal since they had a part in the Passover story. Moses agreed to this and then said, "Go Filter, Fish!" To this day, this phrase remains the name of the fish (gefilter) eaten at Passover.
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B+C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (1, 2, 3, 5, 11, 12, 14, 52, 53, 55) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B+C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

The goal of the game is to color all the 25 squares. Clicking will invert clors of all the sqauers within the shape of pattern.
The game is designed for all ages and stimulate children's creativity and reasoning.

Kevin Hart: When You Lost a Fight to Your Woman

One time, she got me so mad, we got into a fist fight. You know how you know when you lost a fight to your woman? When the cops come to your house and ask you do you want to press charges. That's how you know it didn't go as you planned.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

A robber was found wounded in

A robber was found wounded in an electronics store...
He tried breaking in from the roof but unfortunately for him, he fell on a 'Sharp' TV.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

There was once a young man who

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 January 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Chuck Norris can win tic-tac-t...

Chuck Norris can win tic-tac-toe in one move.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 16 February 2014
  • Currently 4.65/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (31)

The Wailing Wall

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an

apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she

looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So,

the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old

man.

She asks, "You come every day to the wall. How long have you

done that and what are you praying for?" The old man

replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In

the morning I pray for world peace and then for the

brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come

back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from

the earth."

The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come

here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she

asks.

The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a

wall."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 February 2009
  • Currently 6.26/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (19)

Chuck Norris doesn't brush his...

Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth, he scares the plaque off each morning by snarling in the mirror.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 16 February 2012
  • Currently 5.12/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (17)

Census...

Census Taker: 'How many children do you have?'
Woman: 'Four.'
Census Taker: 'May I have their names, please?'
Woman: 'Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George.'
Census Taker: 'Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?'
Woman: 'Because we didn't want any Moe.'
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 February 2009
  • Currently 7.69/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (16)

Compassion With an Umbrella

A Western Buddhist woman was in India, studying with her teacher. She was riding with another woman friend in a rickshaw-like carriage, when they were attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the attacker only succeeded in frightening the women, but the Buddhist woman was quite upset by the event and told her teacher so. She asked him what she should have done - what would have been the appropriate, Buddhist response.
The teacher said very simply, "You should have very mindfully and with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 February 2010
  • Currently 4.81/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (16)

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