Jokes of the day for Thursday, 15 June 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 15 June 2017
  • Currently 9.57/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (1758)

The Dead Horse

A young man named Donald bought a horse from a farmer for $250.
The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.
The next day, the farmer drove up to Donald's house and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.”
Donald replied, “Well, then just give me my money back.”
The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”
Donald said, “Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.”
The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?”
Donald said, “I’m going to raffle him off.”
The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse!”
Donald said, “Sure I can, Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”
A month Later, the farmer met up with Donald and asked, “What happened with that dead horse?”
Donald said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2495.”
The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?”
Donald said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his five dollars back.”
Donald has since moved into the White House.

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 5.08/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (12)

“Learning how to bake

“Learning how to bake a cake is easy - it's just mind over batter.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

There's a serious citrus

There's a serious citrus fruit shortage in the Caribbean. Can you hear the lemoned Haitians?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

Rotten luck...

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in 'Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"

A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?"

He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.

The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"

The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

 Graphics Work Too Much


You've been in graphics too long if...
by Chris Thornborrow

  1. Most of your friends can pronounce Gouraud first time.
  2. When you fist heard that some people used 16 million colours you wondered whatever for and continued to write colour-map tables for correct highlights on objects.
  3. You remember comp.graphics when there weren't enough articles for you to read, none of them included the word PC and nobody ever asked the difference between raytracing and rendering.
  4. You insist that DOOM does not use raycasting. (Technically, as it was first introduced, and anyway, who plays games at your age?)
  5. Your partner knows the difference between scientific visualisation and photorealistic rendering, even though they wouldn't know a polygon from a camel.
  6. You think an SGI Indy is OK for a quick hack but not a real graphics machine.
  7. You remember discussing how one day there would be graphics hardware to support rendering in desktop machines and people laughed.
  8. You watched the Last Starfighter in an empty theatre and marvelled thinking it was even better than TRON.
  9. You remember thinking that parallel computers would solve your graphics problems.
  10. You remember when you thought X was a high level graphics language.
  11. You get drunk and suddenly get really excited examining the light reflected through the whisky.
  12. You get despondent while walking in the woods and think "I'll never be able to render this in real time."
  13. You once sat up all night watching your home computer calculate the mandlebrot set with 16 colours and a resolution of 200x200.
  14. You sat up the next night with colleagues watching your home computer calculate the mandlebrot set with 16 colours and a resolution of 200x200.
  15. Your address book has email entries for Benoit, James F, and Prof David R and Eric.
  16. You think being a computer geek is only half way there.
  17. You wonder how nature processes all those photons so quickly.
  18. When people mention the word graphics you really insist they are more accurate in their terminology.
  19. You get irritated by people who say, "Oh, graphics, that's a solved problem" (even if they then go on to be precise about what they mean by the term "graphics").
  20. You own one or more of the following: a glass sphere, a prism, more then two copies of Foley and Van Dam, a computer which cost more than your car, a computer which cost more than your house, a pet named Phong, a graphics board from a defunct supercomputer (properly framed) or a Rubics Cube (original).
  21. You get 75% or more of these jokes.


#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

An old man was relaxing at his

An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him. "Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"
The man considered this for a moment, then replied, "Every evening at 9 p.m. I have a glass of port. Good for the heart I've heard."
The reporter then asked, "That's ALL?"
The man smiled, "Well, canceling my voyage on Titanic sure didn't hurt."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.22/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (18)

Which is a winning combination of digits?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

A new preacher wanted...

A new preacher wanted to rent a house in the country but the only one available was rumored to be haunted. That didn’t bother the preacher since he didn’t believe in such things. He went ahead and rented the place.Soon the ghost made its appearance. The preacher told his friends about the ghost, but they didn’t believe him. They told him the only way they would believe was if he took a picture of the ghost.The preacher went home and called for the ghost. When it appeared, the preacher explained the situation and asked the ghost if it would mind having its picture taken. The ghost agreed.When the picture was developed, the ghost wasn’t visible. Feeling disappointed, the preacher called again for the ghost. When it appeared, the preacher showed it the picture and wanted to know why the ghost wasn’t in it. The ghost thought a minute and replied, “Well, I guess the spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.”From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 March 2017
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Once there was a golfer whose...

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay.
He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golf ball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot.
Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle. Two ants survived.
One dazed ant said to the other, "What are we going to do?"
Said the other ant, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on that ball!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 13 July 2015
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

Macgyver can build an airplane...

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 June 2011
  • Currently 2.25/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (32)

Shooting The Bull

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?" The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 June 2012
  • Currently 6.23/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (26)

Recalled Chrstimas Toys


Recalled Christmas Toys


  1. Broken Bag-O-Glass

  2. Dr. Kevorkian First Aid Kit

  3. Jeffrey Domhers Easy Bake oven and cookbook

  4. Timothy McVays home Chemistry set

  5. Switchblade Barney

  6. Pork-n-Beany Babies

  7. Make your own moonshine kit

  8. Mike Tyson Doll (with ear biting action)






#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 June 2008
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (25)

Vic Henley: Soccer Heckling

All the British fans start singing to the German fans, If you won the war, stand up! Right, I think this is the greatest thing Ive ever heard at a sporting event because theres no snappy comeback for that, is there?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 June 2010
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (24)

Jonathan Corbett: Retired Father

My dad is retired now, and he moved to Florida. And its really great to be able to finally go down and visit him now that hes finally able to do those things in life that hes always wanted to do, which apparently is start drinking at noon and then head on out to buy me ugly shirts.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 June 2011
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (24)

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