Jokes of the day for Thursday, 30 November 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 30 November 2017
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (1731)

“When a wasp started

“When a wasp started to come after me, I made a beeline for the exit.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

A guy goes to the psychiatrist...

A guy goes to the psychiatrist.
"Doctor," says the guy, "I feel as if I'm two different people! Two totally different personalities!"
"Do you think I need help?"
"Can you help me?"
"Am I doing the right thing seeing a psychiatrist?"
"Whoah! Whoah! Whoah!" says the doc. "Please, one at a time."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (13)

When you tell someone off, do

When you tell someone off, do so F.U.sively.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

Old Josh was sat in his garden...

Old Josh was sat in his garden, sunbathing in the deck chair when he noticed his grand-son kneeling on the lawn with a worm. When he asked his grandson what he was doing, he found that he was trying to push the worm down the hole from which it came.
"If you can get that worm back in that hole I'll give you ten dollars," said Josh.
His grandson sat and thought for a moment, then rushed into the house. A few minutes later he returned with his mother's hair spray. He picked up the worm by one end and, as he let it hang down, he sprayed it all over with the hair spray. The spray set and the worm became stiff and hard. It was now easy to push the worm back in the hole. Josh was amazed. He gave the boy ten dollars, picked up the hair spray and went indoors.
About an hour later Josh came back into the garden and gave his grand-son another ten dollars.
"But grandpa," said the boy, "you've already given me the ten dollars you promised."
"That's from your grandma," said Josh.
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.81/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (27)

The Turkey That Got Away

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

A pastor was opening his mail...

A pastor was opening his mail one morning and one envelope had only a single sheet of paper with a single word printed on it: “FOOL!” The following Sunday the priest announced, “I have known many people who have written letters and forgotten to sign their name. But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter.”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 04 April 2017
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Calculate the number 775

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 775 using numbers [8, 2, 1, 1, 82, 355] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

 Scary Collection 44


A vampire joke
What happened at the vampires race?
It finished neck and neck!

A vampire joke
What's a vampire's favourite drink?
A bloody mary!

A ghost joke
Why did the car stop when it saw a ghost?
It had a nervous breakdown!

A vampire joke
What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
"Auld Fang Syne"!

A ghost joke
How do ghosts learn songs?
They read the sheet music!

A vampire joke
Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
He had fang decay!

A witch joke
What's the best way of seeing a witch?
On the television!

#joke #newyear
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 14 April 2016
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Still single...

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 December 2014
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

A man was walking down the bea...

A man was walking down the beach when he noticed a cave. He walked in and looked around only to discover a magic lamp buried in the sand.

He rubbed it and a genie came out and said, " You may have 3 wishes but whatever u wish for all the lawyers in the world will get double." The man agreed and said, " i want a million dollers." He got that and the lawyers got 2 million.

Next he said, " i want a ferrari." So he got one and all the lawyers got 2. Next, being his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it carefully.

Finnally he said," Well i've allways wanted to give a kidney."

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 November 2009
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (57)

Hypothetically Speaking

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?"

The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500,000."

The boy goes and asks his mother: "Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?" The mother replies: "Hell yes I would!"

The little boy returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father then says: "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500,000."

The boy asks his sister: "Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?" The sister replies: "Hell yes I would!"

He returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father answers: "Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but in reality, we're just living with a couple of whores."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 November 2011
  • Currently 6.65/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (34)

The grass is always greener on...

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 November 2011
  • Currently 3.94/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (31)

Tom Papa: Friends Over 30

Ask anybody over 30 -- if they tell you they have more than 10 friends, you know theyre counting co-workers.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 November 2011
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (27)

Business one-liners 46

The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.

The workbench is always untidier than last time.

The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.

The yoo-hoo you you-hew into the forest is the yoo-hoo you get back.

There are no rules around here. We're trying to accomplish something. - Thomas Edison, remarking about his laboratory

There are no winners in life...only survivors.

There are only two forces that unite men, fear and self-interest...Napoleon

There are three ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your kids to do it.

There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

There are two rules for success in life: Rule 1 - Don't tell people everything you know.

There is nothing so small that it can't be blown out of proportion.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 30 November 2010
  • Currently 6.04/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (23)

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