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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 25 July 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 25 July 2019
  • Currently 9.57/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (1926)

Doctors at a hospital in Brook

Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike.
Hospital officials say they will find out what the doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.07/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (14)

“When we learned lite

“When we learned literacy in elementary school, my teacher set up a metronome. We learned reading and writing to a rhythmic tick.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Kids & Canoeing

"I thought I told you to keep an eye on your cousin," the mother said. "Where is he?"

"Well," her son replied thoughtfully, "if he knows as much about canoeing as he thinks he does, he's out canoeing. If he knows as little as I think he does, he's out swimming."

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

Southern Pounderings

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

There was a fly buzzing around

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when she happened upon a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since she had had her last meal, she flew down and began to eat. She ate and ate. Finally, she decided she had eaten enough and tried to fly away. She had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As she looked around wondering what to do, she spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. She climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once she got airborne, she would be able to take flight. Unfortunately she was wrong and she dropped like a rock, and smashed when she hit the floor. Dead!
ARE YOU READY FOR THE MORAL OF THE STORY?
Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of shi*t.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 September 2017
  • Currently 8.77/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (26)

 The Preacher Buys A Parrot


A preacher is buying a parrot.
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 September 2016
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

FLEX NERDLE

FLEX NERDLE Guess the NERDLE in 6 tries. After each guess, the color of the tiles will change to show how close your guess was to the solution.
Source: Genius Brain Teasers - Jokes Of The Day Partner

Temperance

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."

#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 July 2016
  • Currently 8.79/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (19)

New Gorilla in Bar

A black man enters a bar with his gorilla. He says to the bartender, "I would like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here."

The bartender looks at him like he's nuts and says, " I sorry but I don't serve Gorillas in this bar."

The man has an idea. He takes his girlfriend home and shaves her head, gives her a wig, dress, and makeup. Then he returns to the same bar. He places the same order and this time the bar tender gives it to them.

They go and sit in a corner while the bartender turns to his friend and says, "Damn! Did you ever notice how all the good looking Iraqi ladies that come in here, always seem to be with black men.

#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 July 2010
  • Currently 3.27/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (78)

A fellow bought a new Mercedes...

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
#joke #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 July 2010
  • Currently 8.34/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (38)

In A Bad Nursing Home


The Top Signs You're In A Bad Nursing Home

  1. Its named Heaven's Waiting Room.
  2. Cheap TV antenna can't pick up Xena: Warrior Princess.
  3. Defibrilator doubles as a remote control.
  4. Its named Matlock Manor.
  5. No furniture in it outside of beds and lots of caskets.
  6. Radio stations alternate between Glenn Miller and broadcasting Last Rites in every language known to man.
  7. You can't ring a nurse but you can page the attorney's office down the hall.
  8. Rectal thermometers made of wood.
  9. Two words: Community Bedpan.


#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 July 2011
  • Currently 2.54/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (37)

Why God Created Eve

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost

in the Garden.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to

locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new

fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to

buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's,

dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the

garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would

never be able to

handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember

where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on

when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve...

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back,

scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 July 2011
  • Currently 4.12/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (34)

Steve Byrne: Half-Korean, Half-Irish

Its weird when youre a mix. People just want to play detective with your face. Nine times out of 10, theyre polite: Where are you from? Im like, Pittsburgh. Theyre like, Pittsburgh, right. Seriously though, where are you from? Pittsburgh. Like Im from some mutant island south of the Philippines, the island of Half Asia. Its just me, Keanu Reeves and Tiger Woods on a beach all day playing volleyball.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 July 2010
  • Currently 3.42/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (31)

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