Jokes of the day for Thursday, 27 October 2022
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 27 October 2022 |
For her role in kidnapping the 101...
For her role in kidnapping the 101 spotted dogs, Cruella De Ville was sentenced to the fires of eternal dalmation.Jimmy the Insomniac
My cousin Jimmy was having a terrible time falling asleep unless he was lying on a pile of old magazines.
It turns out he had back issues.
Making a Wedding Bearable
Little Johnny was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and then turn to the crowd, put his hands up like claws and roar.That’s the way it went all down the aisle: step, step, ROAR…step, step, ROAR…step, step, ROAR.As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing by the time he reached the pulpit. When the priest who was celebrating the wedding asked what he was doing, Little Johnny sniffed nad said, “I was being the Ring Bear.”What are you drawing?
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
Surprise email
A man checked into a hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send a mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed the wrong email address, and without realizing he sent the mail to a widow who has just returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message she fainted.
The son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read :
To my loving wife, I know you are surprised to hear from me, they have computers here and we are allowed to send mails to loved ones.
I 've just been checked in.
How are you and the kids, the place is realy nice but am lonely here.
I have made necessary arrangement for your arrival tomorrow. Expecting you darling. I can't wait to see you!
A sweet little boy surprised h...
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and he was so proud. Anxiously, he waited to hear the verdict. The grandmother in all her life had never had such a bad cup of coffee. As she forced down the last sip, his grandmother noticed three of those little green army guys were in the bottom of the cup. She asked, "Honey, why would three of your little army men be in the bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV. 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'."
Divorce Letter
Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good…!!! I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was “You look just like a girl!” but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99… After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem
If you want a list of Chuck No...
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list. Family of tomatoes...
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup!”
ID?
An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?"The driver says," ' Bout what?"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Plane lunch choices
I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row.
I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.
By reddit user OK_Compooper, posted on Oct. 08. 2019.
A mechanic was removing a cyli...
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."
A defendant in a lawsuit invol...
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was saying to his lawyer, "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.""It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.
"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" asked the defendant.
"Oh no!" said the lawyer. "This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even find you in contempt of the court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."
Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked."
"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them," said the lawyer.
"But I did send them," said the defendant.
"What?! You did?"
"Yes, That's how we won the case."
"I don't understand," said the lawyer.
"It's easy. I sent the cheapest cigars that I could find to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card..."
Corporate Story
At a meeting, the Boss told a joke.
Everyone on the team laughed except one guy.
The Boss asked him, 'Didn’t you understand my joke?'
The guy replied, 'Oh I understood it, but I resigned this morning.'