Jokes of the day for Sunday, 27 November 2022
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 27 November 2022 |
Thin Person Struggles
Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out...
Good news is I can usually sedate him with three or four cupcakes.
The Healing Power of Holy Water?
One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.An altar boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen."Son, you've just witnessed a miracle!" the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?""Flat on his butt over by the holy water!" the boy informed him.Honest...
An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, so she began interviewing young lawyers.
"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question."
She leaned forward.
"Mr. Peterson, are you an *honest* lawyer?"
"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."
"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
The nightclubbing lifestyle is...
The nightclubbing lifestyle is so incredible, it involves a suspension of disco ball ief.A woman goes into Wal-Mart...
A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00". She says, "Thats amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound Of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her..being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the stink bait is$2.50."
The Sharkeisha super falcon pu...
The Sharkeisha super falcon punch is as close as anyone has ever gotten to the force of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. An old cowboy sat down at the
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy..'
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
Adam Ferrara: Love This Girl
The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me. Now What? (world's funniest joke)
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. .
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". .
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." .
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. .
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?" .
This is The "world's funniest joke", as by the THE SCIENTIFIC SEARCH FOR THE WORLD’S FUNNIEST JOKE by Richard Wiseman, of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002
The Winning joke, which was later found is based on a 1951 Goon Show sketch by Spike Milligan
Photo by Rhett Noonan on Unsplash
Happy International Joke Day July the first!
Pretending to be a Knight
Pretending to be a Knight of the Round Table is Gawain better than I expected. Special golf ball
Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had just one golf ball.
“Don't you have at least one other golf ball?” he asked.
The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one.
“Are you sure?” the friend persisted. “What happens if you lose that ball?”
The other guy replied, “This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one.”
"Well,” the friend asked, “what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?”
“That's OK,” he replied, “this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it.”
“Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?”
The other guy replied, “That's OK too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back -- no problem.”
Exasperated, the friend asks, “OK. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?”
“No problem,” says the other guy, “you see, this ball is florescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark.”
Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, “Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?”
The other guy replies, “I found it.”
An old lady, who lived on the...
An old lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke her leg.As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs.
Several weeks later, the doctor took off the cast.
"Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old lady.
"Yes," the doctor replied.
"Thank goodness!" she said. "I'm sick and tired of shimmying up and down that drainpipe!"
The Greatest Golf Ball
First golfer: “I have the greatest golf ball in the world. You can’t lose it.”
Second golfer: “How so?”
First golfer: “If you hit it into the sand, it beeps. You hit it into the water, it floats. If you want to play golf at night it glows.”
Second golfer: “Hey, sounds good. Where did you get it?”
First golfer: “I found it in the woods.”
Chad Daniels: Genetic Advancements
I cant wait until they could put wings on humans. Because when they could put wings on humans, they could put wings on pigs, and when they could put wings on pigs, lots of pretty girls from college owe me sex.