Jokes of the day for Thursday, 23 March 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 23 March 2023 |
Talking Frog
A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
"Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
"Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.
Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
Baby Maybe
Saleswoman: "When this baby doll is put to bed, it goes to sleep just like a real baby."
Mrs. Williams: "Whoever made it didn't know much about real babies."
Hanukkah Songs That Never Quite Caught On:
-Oy to the World
– Schlepping Through A Winter Wonderland
– Hava Negilah – The Megamix
– Bubbie Yetta Got Run Over By A Reindeer
– Enough With Those G** D**** Jingle Bells Already…Sheez!
– Matzo Man (By The Lower East Side Village People)
– I Have A Little Dreidel (The Barking Dog Version)
– Come On Baby, Light My Menorah
– Deck The Halls With Balls of Matzos
– Silent Night? I Should Be So Lucky!
Why do you do that, Mom?
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
"Why do you do that, Mom?"
"To make myself beautiful," she answered. She then began to remove the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" Johnny started. "Giving up?"
Graduation Speech
When my son graduated from high school, he had to give a speech. He began by reading from his prepared text.
'I want to talk about my mother and the wonderful influence she has had on my life,' he told the audience. 'She is a shining example of parenthood, and I love her more than words could ever do justice.'
At this point he seemed to struggle for words. After a pause, he looked up with a sly grin and said, 'Sorry, but it's really hard to read my mother's handwriting.'
One Monday morning a mailman i...
One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments. Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."
The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"
Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."
Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."
What do you call a person that...
What do you call a person that speaks 3 languages?"Trilingual"
What do you call a person that speaks 2 languages?
"Bilingual"
What do you call a person that speaks 1 language?
"American"
Taxes
A Dutchman was explaining the red, white and blue Netherlands flag to an American.
"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."
The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!"
The Twenty and the One
A well-worn one dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.
The twenty dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the county. "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean.""Wow!" said the one dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"
"So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"
The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church ..."
The twenty dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"
Tony Rock: Whole Other Level
Heres a tip for all the weed smokers in the room. If youre going to smoke, always smoke with your fat friends -- the fatter the better. Cause your fat friends will take the munchies to a whole other level. Your fat friends are like, Damn, potato chips? Im gonna go bake a cake. One day a little girl was sitt...
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
April Fool's Day - Suggestions
This one is cuter, I think I would chuckle until I found the carts were all locked together and I didn’t have a quarter…. People who don't know the opposite of in
Shout OUT to people who don't know the opposite of in! April Fool's Day - Suggestions
1. Put marbles in the hubcaps of someone’s car. 2. Leave cryptic notes warning someone of an impending prank then do nothing all day.
3. Rubber band the sprayer on the kitchen sink into the “on” position.
4. Place a pair of pants and shoes inside the only toilet stall in a rest room to make it appear someone is using it all day.
5. Pour vegetable oil on the exhaust of someone’s car so it will smoke when started up.