Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 20 August 2008
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 20 August 2008|
Atheist in Trouble
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.
As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"
At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
"Come on God, give me a break!!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"
An old woman is riding an elev...An old woman is riding an elevator in a very lavish New York City office building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator smelling of expensive perfume and turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio - Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
One floor later the next young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and also very arrogantly turns and says to the old woman, "Chanel No. 5 $150 and ounce!"
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. But before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eyes, bends over, and lets out a most foul-smelling fart. She leaves the stunned women in a cloud of funk saying "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound."
Things to do in an elevator...1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5) Hold the doors open and say your saiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, 'Hi Greg. How's your day been?'
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, 'That's mine!'
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.
9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, 'Did you feel that?'
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, 'It's okay, don't panic, they open again!'
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, 'Group Hug!' and then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, 'Shut up, all of you, just shut up!'
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, 'Got enough air in there?'
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, 'Your one of THEM!' and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, 'I have new underware on'.
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, 'This is MY personal space!'
Whay was the brush late for wo...Whay was the brush late for work?
Derek Kenny, Liberton
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