Jokes of the day for Monday, 03 November 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 03 November 2008
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Rating: 9.4/10 (64)

Bereavement

A bereaved wido...

Bereavement

A bereaved widow is at her husband's funeral. “We were married thirty- five years before he died.” She said, dabbing away the tears. “Never had an argument in all those years.”

“Amazing,” said a woman next to her. “How did you do it?”

“I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”

November Horoscopes

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Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (6)

The millionaire...

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth birthday, so during this party he grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. "I will give anything they desire of mine, to the person who swims across that pool."

So the party continues with no events in the pool, until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, wet and soaked!

The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?" the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the mic and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the idiot that pushed me in!"

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Why didn't the skeleton cross ...

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts

Tony White, Loanhead
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburghnews .com


The full article contains 37 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

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Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

A GOOD REASON NOT TO FLI...

A GOOD REASON NOT TO FLIRT

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.

The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and made passionate love in the back seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.

"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."

"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to my dad, apparently he had the time of his life."

#joke #halloween
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Did you hear about the race be...

Did you hear about the race between the water hose, the tomato, and the lettuce? The hose is still running, the tomato is trying to ketchup, and the lettuce is ahead.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

3 Wise Men

There were 3 wise men in a bar and i know right off your going to say that they arent so wise, but who cant resist beer?

kay back to story. The wise men thought they saw Jesus in a seat! they walked to tap him on the shoulder when suddenly the guy turned around and said- Im not Jesus! im god! the wise men then said " ohhh i thought you were Jesus! Screw you then" and dumped all their beer on him. The wise men had no more money for beer and left sad.
#joke #beer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

There are four three-digit n...

There are four three-digit numbers that share this property: the number itself, its double and its triple contain each digit from 1 to 9 exactly once. For example, 192 is one of them because 192, 384, 576 contain 1 to 9 each once. 273 is another one of them because 273, 546, 819 contain 1 to 9 each once. Can you find the other two numbers and calculate the product of these two numbers?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Basketball

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

#joke #short
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

My Father, The Whorehouse Piano Player

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you're first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"

Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy''s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.

Billy''s father said, "I'm actually an attorney, but how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

A little boy walks into a pet ...

A little boy walks into a pet store, and asks the keeper, "Hey Mister... Can I get some boyd seed??

The shopkeeper says "Pardon me?", to which the little boy repeats "Hey Mister... Can I please get some boyd seed??

The shop keeper says "Well, it's caled BIRD SEED, not boyd seed, so you go home and practice, and come back when you can say it properly..."

The little boy leaves, and comes back in two days. As the shopkeeper approaches, the little boy asks, "Hey Mister... Can I PUH-LEASE have some boyd seed?!?

Again, the shopkeeper explains to him it is called BIRD SEED, and he is to go home and practice, and come back when he can say it properly...

Two more days pass, and the little boy again enters the pet store. The shopkeeper approaches him and the boy asks, "Hey Mister... do ya wanna buy a dead boyd?!?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 01 October 2008
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Phrases ...

Phrases to really motivate staff:

"And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?"

"I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me."

"Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."

"It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying."

"The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist."

"I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."

"I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."

"You! Off my planet!"

"How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"

"When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 27 August 2008
  • Currently 5.22/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (9)

Murphy's Law of Toast Murphy's Law of Toast

The probability of the toast landing jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

#joke #short

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 June 2008
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

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