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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, Nov the 4th 2008
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The Local Strip Club |
Because Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym, his wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, ''Hey, Dave! How ya doin?'' His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. ''Oh no,'' says Dave. ''He's on my bowling team.''
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, ''You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser.'' ''No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them.'' A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. ''Hi, Davey,'' she says, ''Want your usual table dance?''
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him.
The cabby turns his head and says, ''Looks like you picked up a real doozie this time, Dave!'' |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 3.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Iraq One Liners |
| Q. What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A. They both want to know where all those Tomahawks are coming from!
Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador.
Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A. You only have to teach them to take off.
Q. How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A. B-52...F-16...B-2.
Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
A: Duck. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 4.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Snake Solves Problem |
I was driving down a lonely country road one cold winter day when it began to sleet pretty heavily. My windows were getting icy and my wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the strain.
Unable to drive any further because of the ice building up on my front window I suddenly had a great idea. I stopped and began to overturn large rocks until I located two very lethargic hibernating rattle snakes. I grabbed them up, straightened them out flat and installed them on my blades and they worked just fine.
What! You've never heard of . . . wind chilled vipers?
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 4.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| A waiter brings a diner his steak order. Diner: Hey, you've got your thumb on my steak! Waiter: Well, do you want it to slip and fall on the floor again? |
Permalink | Source : Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
Rating: 2.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A GOOD LIE
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into the water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the river!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the woodcutter. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given all three to me. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honourable reason, and for the benefit of others.
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Permalink | Source : http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
Rating: 4.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts
Tony White, Loanhead
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburghnews .com
The full article contains 37 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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What do you like best about me.... |
I asked my wife the other day what she liked best about me....
"Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?"
She replied....
"Your sense of humor, dear." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 3.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
A father is sitting in his chair watching t.v. when all of a sudden his 9 year old son comes running through the house.
The boy runs into the kithchen grabs a handful of m&m's pops them in his mouth runs back through the livingroom grabs the cat, bites the cat and runs out the door.
The father sits there dumbfounded and wonders what his son is doing. Well a few minutes later the boy runs back in the house and does the same exact thing.
He runs into the kithchen,grabs a handful of m&m's pops them in his mouth then runs into the livingroom grabs the cat, bites him and runs out the door.
Now the father is REALLY curious about what his son is doing so the next time he comes in he was just going to have to ask.
Well sure enough a few minutes later here comes his son running into the house to the kitchen grabs a handful of the m&m's runs into the livingroom grabs the cat and bites him and when he went to run out the door his father stops him and says, "son what in the hell is wrong with you?"
"Nothing." says his son.
"Then why are you running into the kitchen grabbing a handful of m&m's popping them in your mouth then running in here grabbing the cat and biting him then taking off out the door?"
The boy replies," I'm practicing on being a biker like you daddy... popping pills, eating pussy and runnin'!!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 4.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
| Good evening, ladies, Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench. "Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked. "No," Holmes replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed." "Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?" "Elementary, my dear Watson. the nun ate the banana by holding it in one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces." The prostitute, he continued, "grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth." "Amazing!" Watson exclaimed, "But how did you know the third was a newlywed?" "Because she held it with one hand and pushed her head toward it with the |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 6.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
| Bereavement
A bereaved widow is at her husband’s funeral. “We were married thirty- five years before he died.” She said, dabbing away the tears. “Never had an argument in all those years.”
“Amazing,” said a woman next to her. “How did you do it?”
“I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”
November Horoscopes |
Permalink | Source : Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
Rating: 4.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
Things to say to the boss to get you fired:
"I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public."
"I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid."
"Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are you?"
"Who me? I just wander from room to room."
"I pretend to work. You pretend to pay me."
"Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?"
"Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"
"Earth is full, go home!"
"How about 'never'? Is 'never' good for you?"
"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."
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Permalink | Source : Jobs 1 - UK Job search joke of the day
Rating: 6.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
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