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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Monday, May the 4th 2009
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Southern Hospitality in Flight |
Two ladies, a Yankee and a Southern Belle, are sitting next to each other on a plane. The Southern Belle turns to the Yankee and asks, So, where yall from?
The Yankee replies, I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition.
Without missing a beat, the Southern Belle bats her lashes and asks, So, where yall from, bitch? |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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What do you call a b |
| What do you call a blond with a brain? A golden retriever. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Dollars Equal Cents |
Theorem: 1\$ = 1c.
Proof:
And another that gives you a sense of money disappearing.
1\$ = 100c
= (10c)^2
= (0.1\$)^2
= 0.01\$
= 1c
Here \$ means dollars and c means cents. This one is scary in that I have seen PhD's in math who were unable to see what was wrong with this one. Actually I am crossposting this to sci.physics because I think that the latter makes a very nice introduction to the importance of keeping track of your dimensions.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Forgetful... |
The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.
"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"
The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
There was an old guy wandering around the supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssco!"
Finally a store clerk approached. "Sir, the Crisco is in aisle five."
"Oh," replied the old gentleman, "I’m not looking for cooking Crisco, I am calling my wife."
"Your wife is named "Crisco?"
"Nah," he answered, "I only call her that when we’re out in public."
"Oh? What do you call her when you are at home?"
"Lard ass." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
| Law of Advertising Truth won't stick to glossy paper. |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
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"Life isn't too short. It's the longest thing anyone will ever do." |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 6.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Divine Golf |
| Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
Q: What do blondes and lava lamps have in common?
A: They're both nice to look at, but neither one of them is too bright. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for Six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet, replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance".
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.
"For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot."
"Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people" God continued, pointing to different countries. "And over there, I call this place America.
North America will be rich and powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, and hot and friendly. And the little spot in the middle is Central America which is a Hot spot. Can you see the balance?"
"Yes" said the Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a smallish land mass and asked, "What's that one?"
"Ah" said God. "That's New Zealand, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, rainforests, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast line. The people are good looking, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super- human, undefeatable, strong in character citizens who will be admired and feared by all who come across them".
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then exclaimed, "You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the buggers I'm putting next to them" |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.2/10 (6 votes cast) |
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.
But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.
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Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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