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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, Jun the 23rd 2009
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Politician Reincarnation |
Q: Why are politicians proof of reincarnation?
A: You just cant get that screwed up in one lifetime. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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How to get across the river |
| A blonde once got lost near a river. She traveled up and down it searching for a way to get to the other side.
She tried walking in the shallow part of the river, and she even tried grabbing onto a branch that stretched half way across the river to try to swing to the other side. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't get across.
After many failed attempts, she finally felt like giving up. Yet, at the last moment, she saw a person walking by and decided to follow her--across the bridge. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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You Might Be A Redneck If 56 |
You might be a reneck if...
The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.
You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.
You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.
You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that you could throw a rock and hit them.
You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.
You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.
Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.
Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.
You have to stop a leak in your flatbottom boat with gum and chewing tobacco.
You have to pay your hair care professional in weekly installments of \$3.00.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Interview.... |
Martin was being interviewed for a new job. The person conducting the interview wanted to find out something about his personality, so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
Without hestitation, Martin responded, "The living one, of course!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
An Irishman in a wheel chair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. He then looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"
The waitress nodded, "Yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.
The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?"
The waitress nodded again, so the Englishman said, "Give Jesus a cup of hot tea, too."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there sweet thang, how's about gettin' me a cold glass of RC!" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?"
The waitress nodded again, so the Redneck said, "Give Jesus a cold glass of RC, too."
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed."
The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed."
The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised up his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, "Hey, man, don't touch me, I'm drawin' disability." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| Good evening, ladies, Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench. "Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked. "No," Holmes replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed." "Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?" "Elementary, my dear Watson. the nun ate the banana by holding it in one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces." The prostitute, he continued, "grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth." "Amazing!" Watson exclaimed, "But how did you know the third was a newlywed?" "Because she held it with one hand and pushed her head toward it with the |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 5.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
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A Rare Book
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A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it.
"Not Gutenberg?" Gasped the collector.
"Yes, that was it!""You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at an auction for half a million dollars!"
"Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther." |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 6.3/10 (7 votes cast) |
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Hair Color |
| An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him.
The boy's hair was yellow, green, orange, and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes.
The old man just stared at him. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street. A handsome young boy passes them and the priest says, "Boy, I'd like to screw him."
The rabbi says, "Out of what?" |
Permalink | Source : Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
Three Aussie guys were working on a high-rise building project - Steve, Bruce and Kevin.
Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Kevin says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Kev?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me,"
Bruce replies. "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
"Well not exactly," Kevin said. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'.
She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'
And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are'." |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 7.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.
I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.
"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
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Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 6.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
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