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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Saturday, Jul the 18th 2009
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High Speed Chase |
After an intense high speed chase, an officer finally gets the lawbreaker to pull over.
You know, says the cop, I was originally pulling you over to tell you your taillight is out. Why the hell did you take off like that?
Last week my wife ran off with a cop, the man said, and I was afraid you were trying to give her back. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.7/10 (6 votes cast) |
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Money in a jar |
| A guy walks up and sees a jar of money in a bar.
The Barman says you need to do 3 things to get all the money.
1. He points over to a big guy, 6'9" 280 lbs. You have to walk up to him and knock him out in one punch.
2. Pull a tooth out of a rottweilers mouth.
3. Screw a 70 year old lady.
He walks over to the big guy and knocks him out in one punch.
He takes the dog in the bathroom and all you hear is yelling and screaming.
He comes out all bloody and says, "Now where is that 70 year old lady I have to pull the tooth out of?"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 5.9/10 (7 votes cast) |
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Run Over The Rooster |
A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car. A cloud of feathers.
Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse, rang the door bell. A farmer appeared. The man, somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him."
"Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "you can go join the other chickens that are around the back."
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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| I went to the shop to look for some camouflage trousers, but I couldn't find any.
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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On safari... |
A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.
Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!
"Quick, darling," the wife shouts frantically, "Do something!"
"Oh, no," the husband says, "That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
According to a recent government publication...
A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U.S. Treasury. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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| An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked "How can you afford all this on a meager senator's salary?"
The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"Can you see the river?"
"Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister.
"10 percent", said the senator smugly. Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished hospitality on him. When they came to his house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc., etc.
"How can you possibly afford this on your salary?," he asked. The minister called him to the window.
"See the river over there?"
"Sure," cried the senator.
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
The senator looked, was confused, "100 percent," said the minister !!
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Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 6.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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A Darkened Theater
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A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!"
Several men stood up as the lights came on.
An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, "Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a nice, Jewish girl?" |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 5.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer meat for dinner. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is, so he doesn't tell them.
His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner dad?"
"You'll see", he replies.
They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating.
"Ok", says her dad, "Here's a hint. It's what your mother sometimes calls me."
His daughter screams ... "Don't eat it, Jimmy! ... It's a fucking asshole ..." |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (6 votes cast) |
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.
I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.
"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
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Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 6.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
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$20 |
| A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a \$20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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