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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Sunday, Sep the 6th 2009
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Penguins Go to the Zoo |
| A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, Whats up with the penguins in the back seat?
The man in the car says I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I havent had a clue.
The clerk ponders a bit then says, You should take them to the zoo.
Hey, thats a good idea, says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
Hey, theyre still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo.
Oh, I did, says the driver, And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Breaking Up |
| Chuck had seen it coming for a time now, and Laura finally
decided to break up with him.
"I'm sorry Chuck, but you just don't have a good sense of
humor," Laura said one day, "You're dry, boring and you never
seem to say anything funny."
Chuck who didn't feel she was correct in the least, simply
smiled and said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, Laura. I'm
sure you'll make some guy very happy some day," she smiled
and blushed a little, "then, he'll zip up his pants, leave
\$20 on the dresser, and forget to close the door on his way
out." |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Question And Answer Blond Jokes |
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 1.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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| A football team was short of a goalkeeper, so the captain asked a cow grazing in the next field to join the team. The cow agreed. Later, the local cricket team needed a wicket keeper, so the same cow was asked to do the job. The cow replied: "Who ever heard of a cow playing cricket?"
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 5.2/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Your chances are better... |
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating proposing.
"Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend.
"Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Five guys were in a bar. Feeling slightly sloshed, they started to argue with each other about the size of their penises.
Eventually the discussion escalated into a full-blown argument, with each man thinking his penis was the biggest. The bartender suggested, "Put them on the bar so we can compare."
The drunks did just that. Shortly, a gay man came in the bar, looked around, and said to the bartender, "I think I'll have the buffet." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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| John's on a business trip with Bill, a co-worker that never shuts up. John keeps trying to catch a few winks on the plane but Bill keeps asking him to play a "game" with him. John finally realizes he's not gonna get Bill to shut up until he plays so he says, "Okay, what's the game?." Bill says, "I ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you give me 5 dollars, then you ask me a question and if I don't know the answer I give you 5 dollars back." John says no and turns back over to get some sleep. Bill says he'll make it more interesting and up John's payback to 50 bucks in the event Bill doesn't know the answer. John agrees. Bill asks, "How far is the moon from the sun?." John just pulls out his wallet and hands Bill 5 bucks. Bill says, "Okay, now it's your turn!." John thinks for a second and asks, "What has 3 legs going up one side of a hill and 4 legs coming down the other?." Bill is stumped. He checks his laptop computer, makes a few calls on the Air-Telephone then returns and hands John 50 bucks. John then rolls over to go back to sleep. Bill finally says, "I give up! What's the answer?." John just reaches into his wallet and hands Bill another five bucks. |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 3.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Sunday School Money
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A small boy stunned his parents after Sunday School when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters. Finally his mother asked the obvious question, "Where did you get all that money?"
"At church," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have bowls of it." |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Blood |
| A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A little boy comes down for breakfast and his mother asks if he had done his chores. “Not yet,” says the little boy.
His mother tells him that until he completes them, he won’t be getting any breakfast.
Well, he’s a little angry, so he goes to feed the chickens and kicks one. He goes to feed the cows, and kicks a cow as well. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. “How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.
“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren’t getting any milk.”
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat half way across the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, “Are you going to tell him, or shall I?”
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.5/10 (10 votes cast) |
Id like to order a bar pizza, the idiot says.
Shall I ask them to cut it into six or twelve slices, the barmaid asks.
Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces. |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 5.8/10 (8 votes cast) |
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