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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Saturday, Jan the 30th 2010
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check funny videos and funny photos you have missed due to issue, using << Previous 'jokes of the day' link.
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Styrobot DEMANDS That You Use Biodegradable Materials |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : Picture is unrelated - WTF Pictures and WTF videos
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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I Want To Buy A Golf Ball |
A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.
Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.
The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Little Johnny and the Pastor |
One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, "Good morning son."
"Good morning pastor" replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.
"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service", replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque.
Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying.
A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old redhead. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love."
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!"
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 4.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Looking Heavenward
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The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it.
She went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial.
After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment.Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently.
Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.
The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said.
"It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling." |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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The Journey of Man |
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. .. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big t*ts.
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
other is a husband.
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
| There are more important things than money, but they won’t date you if you don’t have any |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was obviously delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl."
"I know you didn't," said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
| When President Obama needs to remember something, he just downloads it to Rahm. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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How Mike Die |
One says "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead!"
"Wooo, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!""No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that ! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he ..."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"He was wrecking my f**king house." |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the Yellowhead for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.
"There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him. "What in heck am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The Mountie came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give mean excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go."
"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice night", said the officer. |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.0/10 (6 votes cast) |
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