Jokes of the day for Sunday, 13 June 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 13 June 2010
  • Currently 9.42/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (52)

Morgan Murphy: Boyfriend Without a Car

Im actually dating a guy right now... He doesnt have a car, and I live in L.A., and thats crazy. At first I thought, Thats it, its gonna ruin everything. I cant do that. I cant make this kind of sacrifice. But then I realized, at least when we break up, hes gonna have a really hard time stalking me.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

The Sermon #jokes #humor

A visiting minister waxed eloquent during the offertory prayer. He began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look
on his upturned face,"Without you we are but dust... "
He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter(who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (2)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Sunday, 13 June 2010

Funny video of the day Sunday, 13 June 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.36/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (11)

A man gave the waiter his orde...

A man gave the waiter his order, "Black coffee, no cream"
The waiter came back and apologized, "I'm sorry, we're out of cream. Would you take your coffee without milk?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

There once was a butch from Br...

There once was a butch from Bremen

Who didn't like to have sex with men

Then her date wore a strap-on

Which she sat herself upon

And now she is suddenly fem'nin
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Budget Cuts? What Budget Cuts?

Budget Cuts? What Budget Cuts? | Source : There I fixed it - photos of ur handiwork!
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

The engineer...

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer-you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the Gates of Hell and is let in.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great! We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake-he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (6)

Dead Father

**THIS IS NOT A TRUE STORY**** One night, when I was a little girl, I had a terrible nightmare that a crow came to me and told me that my aunt was going to drop dead the next day. I ran to my parent’s room and told my dad what happened. He calmed me down and told me it was OK. The next day, my mother received a call that my aunt had just dropped dead. That night, I had another dream that the crow came to me and told me that my father was going to die!!! I sprinted down the hall to my parent’s room and told my dad what had happened. He once again calmed me down and said it was going to be ok. But the next morning when he left for work, he was so distraught. The whole day, he thought that every step he took was his last. He came home that night and sat with my mother at the dinner table and said, "I had the most horrible day today." My mother then relied, "You think YOU had a bad day??? I had the Milkman drop dead on the porch!!!!!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (13)

Calculate the number 3315

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 3315 using numbers [7, 7, 3, 7, 31, 841] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Female hormones in beer

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

#joke #short #beer
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 4.62/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (29)

Chicamote handmade accessories
http://www.chicamote.com/

A match between two junior te...

A match between two junior teams was about to take place but it had been raining so heavily all week that the ground resembled a swamp.
Nevertheless, the referee ruled that play was possible and tossed the coin to determine ends. The visiting captain won the toss and, after a moment's thought, said: "OK – we'll take the shallow end!'
#joke
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Three convicts were on the way...

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time whilst stuck behind bars. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"
The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail."
Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"
The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games."
The third convict was sitting quietly aside grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"
The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. "I brought these."
The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"
He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating..."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 23 December 2009
  • Currently 3.65/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (49)

Reporters interviewing a 104-y...

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
About being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 January 2009
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (11)

God is Watching

Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching."
At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. Moving through the line a boy wrote another note to leave by the cookies, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 June 2009
  • Currently 4.21/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (14)

One Chinese person walks into ...

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw
Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to
him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed
our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed
your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the
Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not
me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the
same."
#joke #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 June 2009
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Baseball in heaven.....

Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven."

The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you." And then he dies.

A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend's voice. The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there's baseball in heaven."

"What's the bad news?"

"You're pitching on Wednesday."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 June 2009
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (8)

Robert Schmidt 10


You can always get a job in international affairs because 90% of everything happens in a foreign country.
I called the Census Bureau to see why they hadn't sent me a form, and they said that I was too nondescript to influence the demographics one way or another.
She had a face lift, tummy lift, and buttock lift, and now she's two feet off the ground.
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
I listen to the police band on my CB radio. Once I dialed 911 and dedicated a crime to my girlfriend.
Eventually, the water hazard will be filled with golfballs. It will still be a hazard, though, because you're only allowed to hit your own ball.
The original Mickey Mouse cartoon was in Mouse, with English subtitles.
I daydreamed that I was falling and, just before I hit the ground, I fell asleep.
Which of the Himalayas is the shortest?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 June 2009
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (5)

Decisions

There are three guys in a small boat and it's sinking fast.

In the boat is a Frenchman, an American, and a Puerto Rican.

They decide that they have to throw some things overboard in order to save themselves.

"Well, I have too much of this wine and cheese," says the Frenchman, and he throws some overboard.

"Yeah, and I have too many bananas," says the Puerto Rican and he throws some overboard.

"Well, let me think," says the American, and he throws the Puerto Rican overboard.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Tantilazing

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 June 2009
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (4)

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