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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, Jul the 28th 2010
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Batmobike is out of Gotham and laying down rubber! |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : That will buff out - funny auto escapade
Rating: 3.2/10 (6 votes cast) |
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New Secretary |
| The real estate boss got a hot new secretary.
Afraid of sexual harrassment issues he held himself off for a week, but
finally overcome with lust, he decided to put some moves on her.
But within a few weeks, he is feeling displeased at the way she is working, not caring, coming to work late, and so on.
So, he pulls her aside, and has a little talk with her.
"Listen, baby, we may have gone to bed together a few times, but who said you could start coming in late and slacking off?"
Looking him in the eyes, she replied, "My lawyer!"
Submitted by Curtis |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.4/10 (9 votes cast) |
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The twins.... |
One day Mr. Phillard was laying down on his bed until his wife screamed, 'Oww! I'm having labor pains!'
So Mr. Phillard rushed his wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife Mr. Phillard's brother Bill arrived at the hospital. Bill is a little slow in the head if you know what I mean and seems to always bother Mr. Phillard. So when the doctor called Mr. Phillard in to watch the birth he walked in with pride! But when he saw the blood and everything else, he fainted.
When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed and saw the doctor standing above him. The doctor said, 'Mr. Phillard, you are in the recovery room. Don't worry, your wife is fine and she had twins.' Mr. Phillard became tremendously happy. The doctor also said, 'They are a boy and a girl!'
Mr. Phillard became immensely happy!! The doctor continued, 'Although you were unconscious and your wife as well because of the anesthesia she requested, your brother Bill name the kids.'
Mr. Phillard screamed, 'What! My brother the idiot! I can't believe you let him! What did he name them!?' The doctor replied, 'Well, he named your daughter Denice'
Mr. Phillard answered, 'Hey not bad! I underestimated my brother. Well what did he name my son?'
The doctor answered solemnly, 'He named your son Denephew.' |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.5/10 (6 votes cast) |
A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him \$500,000.
He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.
An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"
The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 250 miles an hour!" states the doctor proudly.
The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
"No problem," replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped!"
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 150 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror - what it could be... and suddenly.
WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH!
Something whips by him going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 175 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 210 mph.
WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH!
He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of his old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 250 mph.
Not ten seconds later,he sees the Moped bearing down on him again!
The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and ,unbelievably , the old man is still alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh My Gosh! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man whispers, "Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.0/10 (6 votes cast) |
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St. George and the Dragon
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A tramp knocked on the door of the inn known as St. George and the Dragon. The landlady answered the door.
The tramp said, “Could you give a poor man something to eat?”
"No,” said the woman, slamming the door in his face.
He knocked again and said, “Could I have a few words with George?”
This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.8/10 (20 votes cast) |
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Mexican Oysters |
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico City.
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
"What is that you just served?" he asked the waiter.
"Ah senor, you have excellent taste!" the waiter replied. "Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'
"What the heck, bring me an order."
"I am so sorry senor," the waiter replied. "There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter.
"These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."
The waiter shrugged his shoulders.
"Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins..."
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.7/10 (6 votes cast) |
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.five minutes later:"Da..aaad"
"What"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
five minutes later: "Daa....aaad..."
"WHAT!?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?"
I told you NO! Ifyou ask again I'll have to spank you!"
five minutes later.."Daaaa....aaaad!"
"When you come up to spank me can you bring a drink of water?" |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.9/10 (12 votes cast) |
| A beginner rider at the stables was trying to saddle a horse. “Excuse me,” said the old hand, “but you are putting that saddle on backwards.” “How do you know,” snapped the student. “You do not know which way I’m going.” |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.9/10 (10 votes cast) |
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the
window saying:
"HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must
be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and
went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then
walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office
manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However,
the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog
jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to
type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a
perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and
gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to
be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to
demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample
spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager.
By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and
said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some
interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the
part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be
bilingual."
The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.6/10 (21 votes cast) |
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