Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 06 December 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 06 December 2011
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (61)

While attending a marriage sem...

While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Jack and his wife, Barb, listened to the instructor.

“It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

He addressed the man, “can you describe your wife’s favorite flower?”

Jack leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It's Pillsbury isn’t it?”
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (8)

Zen…

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just Get Out Of The Way and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

6. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

10. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.73/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (11)

Funny video of the day - Random fails compilation

Random fails compilation - Funny fails random compilation - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 2.57/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (7)

Blonde jokes-Four corners

There is a big room with four corners. In the first corner, you find Superman. In the second corner you find Batman. In the third corner you find Spiderman. And in the fourth corner you find a gorgeous, extremely intelligent, 100% natural blonde woman with a ultra-thin magazine-model figure. In the center of the room there is a pot of gold. Who gets to the pot of gold first?

A: None, because none of these characters exist.
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (2)

The opening scene of the movie...

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 5.38/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (8)

Funny Photo of the day - For the Empire!

For the Empire! | Source : Picture is unrelated - WTF Pictures and WTF videos
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (7)

You must shave down below if y...

You must shave down below if you live in a mow nasty hairy.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 6.29/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (7)

While attending a Marriage sem...

While attending a Marriage seminar dealing with communication, Jack and his wife, Barb, listened to the instructor. “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He addressed the man, “can you describe your wife’s favorite flower?” Jack leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “Its Pillsbury isn’t it?”
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (5)

Find number abc

If 8c4aa - ab553 = 2b9c3 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

One day this fellow noticed th...

One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look.

Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor's house, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door. "Excuse me", our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing how beautiful your wife is."

"Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied.

"Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those breasts."

The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife appears and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for a few moments.

Finally, they return and ask our friend to step inside. "OK," the husband says gruffly, "for ten thousand dollars you can kiss my wife's breasts."

At this the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of desire hang free at last. Our man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rub his face against them in total ecstasy. This goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed. "Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he growls.

"I can't." replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away.

"Why not?" demands the husband, getting really angry now.

"I don't have ten thousand dollars."
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

Greeting cards you will not see at Hallmark...

'Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:.............
What was I thinking?'

'Congratulations on your wedding day!.............
Too bad no one likes your wife.'

'How could two people as beautiful you............
have such an ugly baby?'

'I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.........
After having met you, I've changed my mind.'

'I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...........
I never believed in Hell until I met you.'

'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am.......
that you're not here to ruin it for me.'

'As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy...'

'Thanks for being a part of my life!!!..........
I never knew what evil was before this!'

'Before you go,.........
I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again.'

'Someday I hope to get married............
but not to you.'

'You look great for your age.......
Almost Lifelike!'

'When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.........
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.'

'I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.......
So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.'

'We have been friends for a very long time...........
What do you say we call it quits?'

'I'm so miserable without you..................
It's almost like you're here.'

'Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...............
Did you ever find out who the father was?'

'You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket....
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.'

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

What do you call a d

What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? An airbag.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (10)

Carlos Mencia: Super-Fence

You know what they said in California? I saw it on C-Span -- people we vote for -- this is what they said, I propose that we kick all of the illegal aliens out of this country. Then we build a super-fence so they cant get back in. And I went, Um, whos gonna build it?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.81/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (21)

Look at that bunch of cows! #joke #humor

City Lady: Look at that bunch of cows.
Cowboy: No, herd.
City Lady: Heard of what?
Cowboy: Herd of cows.
City Lady: Sure, I've heard of cows!
Cowboy: No, a cow herd.
City Lady: What do I care what a cow heard? I've got no secrets from a cow!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
  • Currently 5.30/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (10)

A drunk walks into a crowded b...

A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman. After awhile, the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk. She turns to him and says, "Excuse me Mister, but did you just shit yourself?" The drunk replied, "Yes ma'am, I have indeed shit myself." The woman says, "Well, why don't you go somewhere and clean yourself up?"

The drunk says, "'Cause I'm not finished yet..."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 23 October 2009
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (51)

A Guy was staying in a fancy h...

A Guy was staying in a fancy hotel and was enjoying the pool when the manager told him quite bluntly to get out. When asked for the reason, the manager said, "Because you peed in the pool."
"Well," replied the swimmer, "lots of people do that."
"True," answered the manager, "but you did it from the diving board."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 06 December 2009
  • Currently 5.18/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (65)

Finally, the good-natured boss...

Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Smith into his office.

"It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the doctor."

"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Smith, "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking, do you?"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 06 December 2009
  • Currently 7.45/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (20)

We work by results...

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of New York City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and Enter the Kingdom." The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 December 2010
  • Currently 6.11/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (9)

Hot Babe in Bar

A hot babe goes into a bar and orders a sex on the beach. She notices a slick dude at the end of the bar with a very prominent feature. Hi big guy, she says, batting her eyelashes. Oh hello, beautiful, he says stepping closer to her. I couldnt help but notice what big feet you have, as a look of wonderment spreads across her face. You know what that means... he coos. Yes, trouble for the ants, she says.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 06 December 2009
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (8)

Debbie Shea: Robbed Neighbor

Ive lived in New York for a long time, same apartment, and there are a lot of robberies in that building. And I felt so bad for my neighbor because her dog and VCR got stolen -- nothing else, just the dog and the VCR. I wonder what the burglar was thinking at the time? Hmmm, Id really like to rent a movie, but I dont want to watch it by myself....
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 December 2010
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

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