Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 07 December 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 07 December 2011
  • Currently 9.69/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (80)

Seems an elderly gentleman had...

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times!"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (5)

Gifts For A Teacher #joke #humor

Why isn't your nose 12-inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - Hungry baby

Hungry baby - Amazing - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (10)

Collectibles

Fresh out of high school, I found a job cleaning the elegant home of an older couple. Among other duties, I had to dust their many imported carvings and petrified collectibles as well as pick up after their pets.

One day I was astonished to find two ivory fossils lying on the floor beside the bookcase. I quickly picked them up and put them back on the shelf. The next week the same thing happened.

That afternoon my employer came into the parlor, her faithful canine behind her. Looking around, she eyed the bookcase.

“Tippy,” she asked the dog, “how do your bones keep getting up there?”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Google Ads

Really funny jokes-Lost Compass

Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems?
Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.
Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel..
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (8)

Funny Photo of the day - FINALLY!

FINALLY! | Source : Very Demotivational - Posters That Demotivate Us
  • Currently 4.45/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (11)

Chuck Norris has to register e...

Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (14)

Winner of the Toastmasters awa...

Winner of the Toastmasters award for ‘best speech about handguns' won a Glock n' spiel.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (8)

Find number abc

If a66cb - 3c30c = 6b3c4 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

One friend to another, “My new...

One friend to another, “My new horse is very well-mannered.”
“That’s nice.”
“Yes, isn’t it? Every time we come to a jump he stops and lets me go first!”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (9)

Chicamote handmade accessories
http://www.chicamote.com/

Let 'Em Rave

(To...

Let 'Em Rave

(To the tune of "Let It Snow")

O the fundies outside are frightful
But we Queers are so delightful.
They're quite disturbed we are Gay, but
Let 'em rave! Let 'em rave! Let 'em rave!

They scream and they wave their Bible
Shouting hateful libel.
We know they're all closet Gays, so
Let 'em rave! Let 'em rave! Let 'em rave!

When we finally kiss goodnight
We'll be sure that the fundies can see.
During kiss-ins they get up-tight
'Cuz they'd like to join you and me!

They're zeal is slowly dying
They'll soon be Queer-sex trying.
I did their pastor just the other day, so
Let 'em rave! Let 'em rave! Let 'em rave!
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 4.09/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (11)

Parking the car....

Joe and Joan were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said.

"You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."

Joe said, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee.

The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared.

You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again Joe replied, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee.

Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and the power went out and Joe didn't get the rest of the instructions.

He turned to Joan, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Joan?"

Joan replied, "Aw, Joe, just leave the car in the darned garage today."

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 4.92/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (12)

End of the earth

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!

GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?

Submitted by sai1ram

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 3.05/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (19)

T.J. Miller: Open Source Coding Joke

This area of Colorado, right around here in Boulder, has the highest cases of pedophilia per capita of anywhere else in Colorado. Did you know that? Its true; I read it in Wikipedia. I mean I put it in there, but I read it right after.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.21/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (14)

One night, a man on his way...

One night, a man on his way home happened upon a drunk, down on his hands and knees searching for something under a street light. The man asked the drunk what he was looking for so diligently and the drunk said he had tripped and his Rolex wrist watch had broken loose from his wrist. The man, being a kindhearted soul, got down on his hands and knees and began assisting the drunk looking for his watch. After about ten minutes without any success, the man asked the drunk exactly where he tripped. "About a half a block up the street," the drunk said. "Why, pray tell," the man asked the drunk, "are you looking for your watch here if you lost it a half a block up the street?" The drunk replied, "The light is a lot better here."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 24 October 2009
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (37)

Honey, What Did the Doctor Say?

A middle aged man goes into the doctor's office for a check-up with a litany of complaints.
The doctor speaks to the man's wife alone and says, "There is nothing the matter with your husband. If you make a couple of meals for him a day, let him watch his sports. Do not complain at him too much and require him to listen. Limit his exposure to in-laws and make love to him once a week. Then, he'll probably live another 20 years."
She returns to her husband's side in the waiting room. He asks, "What did the doctor tell you?"
"You are going to be dying soon, my dear."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 17 August 2009
  • Currently 4.70/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (23)

The new minister's wife had a ...

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family.The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it.
When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again.
Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood and shouted out,"Having children is an act of God!!"
An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 December 2009
  • Currently 5.29/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (51)

Chris Rock: Natural Causes

When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, its natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, its natural causes. Cause if you was younger, youd got out of the way.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 December 2010
  • Currently 3.93/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (44)

Bag

Saddam sent his son shopping to get some food.

His son came back with the food on his head.

So Saddam says "Why have you got the shopping on your head?"

The son replies, "Because there is no Baghdad!"

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 December 2010
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (22)

Business one-liners 04

A good scapegoat is hard to find.

A good slogan can stop analysis for fifty years.

A good solution can be successfully applied to almost any problem.

A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.

A little ambiguity never hurt anyone.

A little humility is arrogance.

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

A little ignorance can go a long way.

A man of quality does not fear a woman seeking equality.

A man should be greater than some of his parts.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 December 2009
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (14)

Bee in band class...

The summer band class was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no longer. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its demise.

"Is it a bee?" another student asked.

"Nope," Tommy replied. "Bee flat."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 07 December 2008
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (13)

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