Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 15 February 2012
  • Currently 9.48/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (46)

Really funny jokes-Bird impressions

An actor went to see a new agent one day and said, `You must have a look at my act, it really is innovative. So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few times and landed smoothly on the agent's desk.
`So you do bird impressions, said the agent, `what else can you do?
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

A man visiting a graveyard saw...

A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: “Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man.”

“How about that!” he exclaimed. “They’ve got three people buried in one grave.”
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Sexy Girls Fails - (NEW!)

Sexy Girls Fails - (NEW!) - Funniest Home Videos part 707 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (9)

Some say that Germans have no ...

Some say that Germans have no emotions, because they are from the planet Vulcan. Spocken Sie Deutsche?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

Greatest Comedian in the Bible

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.87/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (23)

Funny Photo of the day - Warped Home Improvement Ideas

Warped Home Improvement Ideas | Source : There I fixed it - photos of ur handiwork!
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (6)

During a recent publicity outi...

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.

"Will I be acquitted?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (6)

Three Travelers

Three travelers, an American, a Russian, and an Egyptian, were circumnavigating the globe a la Jules Verne. The Russian man put his hand out and reached down into the clouds.

“Aaah!” he said. “We're right over my homeland.”

“How can you tell?” asked the American.

“I can feel the cold air.” he replied.

A few days later the African man put his hand through the clouds.

“Aah we're right over my homeland.” he said.

“How do you know that?” asked the Russian.

“I can feel the heat of the desert.”

Several more days later the American put his hand through the clouds.

“Aah, we're right over New York.” The Russian and the African were amazed.

“How do you know all of that?!” they exclaimed.

The American pulled his hand in and held it up for them to see. “My watch is missing.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (40)

Remove 5 letters from this seq...

Remove 5 letters from this sequence (AROANKINGHNG) to reveal a familiar English word.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuc...

Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 October 2011
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (24)

Hari Kondabolu: Where Are You From?

Hes like, Hey, man, where are you from? So I told him, Im from Queens, New York. And then hes like, No, I mean where are you really from? Which, for those of you who dont know, thats code for, No, I mean, why arent you white?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 November 2010
  • Currently 4.03/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (37)

A businessman boarded a fli...

A businessman boarded a flight and was lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman...... They exchange brief hellos and he noticed she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replied, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 January 2010
  • Currently 5.19/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (57)

A man visiting a graveyard saw...

A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: “Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man.”
“How about that!” he exclaimed. “They’ve got three people buried in one grave.”
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 October 2009
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Good news...bad news....

The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The patient said, "Give me the good news."

The doctor says, "They're going to name a disease after you."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 March 2009
  • Currently 4.22/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (9)

A stage....

During a performance for the high school talent show at the local theater, a hole was cracked in the stage floor. Subsequent acts managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins, accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee.

He apologized to the audience for his clumsiness. But a heckler in the back of the theater shouted:

"Don't worry, Freddy! It's just a stage you're going through!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 February 2009
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (26)

A guy goes into a drugstore to...

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.

"What size?" asks the clerk.

"Gee, I don't know."

"Go see Sophie in aisle 4."

He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!"

The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.

Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells,
"Large!"

The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves.

A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
"What size?"

The kid embarrassedly says, "I've never done this before. I don't know what size."

The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4.
She grabs him and yells,

"Clean up in aisle 4!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 February 2011
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (25)

There was once a man who lived...

There was once a man who lived in a poor country. He went to law school and became a very intelligent person. Years later, he decided to go back to his country to show them how worthy he is. He started his own office. The next day, he saw a man walking into his office. He picked up the phone and gestered the man to come in and pretended he was talking to very famous people and cancelling meetings with presidents, etc. After he put down the phone several minutes later, he apologized to the man and said, "Sorry to keep you waiting. As you can see, I'm a very busy man. What can I do for you?" The man smiled and said, "I'm from the telephone company. I'm here to hook up you phone."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 February 2009
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (21)

Irish Bar Fight

"My God! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

"I got in a tiff with Riley."

"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said, surprised. "He must have had something in his hand."

"Aye, that he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."

"Dear Lord! Didn't you have anything in YOUR hand?"

"Aye, that I did - Mrs. Riley." Kelly said. "She gave me her purse, but it wasn't much use in a fight!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 February 2011
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

Singh stormed up to the front ...

Singh stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"
"Yes, sir?"
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
"What was wrong with it?"
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"
The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 15 February 2010
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (9)

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