Jokes of the day for Sunday, 17 June 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 17 June 2012
  • Currently 9.60/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (52)

Teacher jokes-Sleeping student

The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, "Hey wake that student up!"
The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (8)

What I Want in a Man

What I Want in a Man, Original List (age 22):
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover.

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32):
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week.

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42):
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady — splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends.

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52):
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers my name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends.

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62):
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend.

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72):
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails Of The Week 2 June 2012

Best Fails Of The Week 2 June 2012 - The best fails of June 8th - June 15th. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.57/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (7)

There was a student who was de...

There was a student who was desirous of taking admission for a study course.

He was smart enough to get through the written test, a GD and was to appear for the personal interview. Later, as the interview progressed, the interviewer found this boy to be bright since he could answer all the questions correctly. The interviewer got impatient and decided to corner the boy.

"Tell me your choice;" said he to the boy, "What's your choice: I shall either ask you ten easy questions or ONE real difficult. Think well before you make up your mind."

The boy thought for a while and said, "My choice is ONE real difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice!" said the man on the opposite side. Tell me: What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted first but he waited for a while and said: "It's the DAY, sir."

"How???????" the interviewer was smiling ("At last, I got you!" he said to himself.)

"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"

Admission for the course was thus secured.

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.22/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (9)

Coffee drinker

A blonde says to a brunette, "Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt."

The brunette says, "Well, maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup."

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.73/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (11)

Funny Photo of the day - Soon, My Dream Will Come True

Soon, My Dream Will Come True | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
  • Currently 2.89/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (9)

Damien Lemon: Absentee Fathers

Fathers Day just be Mothers Day the sequel.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.27/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (11)

Nuns at the Hospital

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had bypass surgery. He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.

As he was recovering, a nun asked how he was going to pay the bill. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "Just a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun, slightly perturbed, said, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 November 2011
  • Currently 4.06/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (31)

Look carefully caricature an...

Look carefully caricature and guess the name of music band.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

When Chuck Norris does a pushu...

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 August 2011
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (24)

A lady is walking down the str...

A lady is walking down the street to work and see's a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, "hey lady, you are really ugly."
Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says, "hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly ticked now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said, "hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager appologized profusely and promised the bird wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "hey lady."
She paused and said," yes?"
The bird said, "you know."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 November 2009
  • Currently 5.91/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (53)

Christopher Titus: Drunk Driving Lecture

Every weekend, I would get the drunk driving lecture. Of course, Dad drank and drove all the time. I guess it wasnt a lecture; it was helpful tips from the master.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 June 2011
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (32)

Coroners refer to dead people ...

Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 June 2011
  • Currently 3.26/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (31)

Taliban TV Guide

Taliban TV Guide

MONDAYS:

8:00 - "Husseinfeld"

8:30 - "Mad About Everything"

9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"

9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"

10:00 - "Allah McBeal"

TUESDAYS:

8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"

8:30 - "The Price is Right If Osama Says Its Right"

9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"

9:30 - "Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"

10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"

WEDNESDAYS:

8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"

8:30 - "Bowling For Food"

9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"

9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"

10:00 - "Veilwatch"

THURSDAYS:

8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"

8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"

9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils"

9:30 - "My Two Baghdads"

10:00 - "Diagnosis: Heresy"

FRIDAYS:

8:00 - "Judge Laden"

8:30 - "Funniest Super 8 Home Movies"

9:00 - "Who Wants To Execute A Multimillionaire"

9:30 - "Achmeds Creek"

10:00 - "No-witness News"

#joke #friday #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 June 2011
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (25)

Socks...

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married, but they both had a problem they had never told anyone else about. The man approached his father one day before the wedding and told him about his problem. His feet REALLY stunk, even if he washed them constantly, he was worried that this would scare off his new bride, so he needed a solution, fast. His father pondered the situation and finally told his son to wear socks constantly (even to bed) and always wash his feet whenever he got a chance. The son thought about this and went along happy.

The same day the young lady approached her mother and told her about her problem. Her morning breath was horrid. Her mother reassured her and told her everyone had bad morning breath. The young woman told her mother that this was not normal morning breath but easily the worst in the world. The mother thinks about this and comes up with this bright idea. She tells her daughter to get up earlier than everyone else and don't say a thing, go make breakfast and then brush her teeth while the others are eating. The young woman thinks and then runs off to get ready for the wedding, happy.

The couple is married and they are happy, him with his perpetual socks and her with her morning silences. One morning about 5:30 am the young man wakes up to find one sock missing. He starts rustling around in the bed looking for it, which of course wakes up his wife, who without thinking asks what's wrong.

With a look of shock on his face the young man says, "OH MY GOD! You've swallowed my sock!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 17 June 2009
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (20)

Hang your @

Home is where you hang your @.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 17 June 2009
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (19)

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